Addiction.
It’s when something that started as normal use becomes a compulsion that slowly consumes
your life, with the desire to get more occupying your every waking thought.
Most addictions are to a substance, with the most common being nicotine, alcohol, and various
drugs.
The common treatment is to go cold turkey with a support system that keeps you from
relapsing.
But what happens when your addiction is to a basic biological imperative?
That’s sex addiction, and it’s surprisingly common.
A compulsion to have sex is nothing new - everyone’s familiar with the sex drive, also known as
the libido.
A combination of biological, psychological, and social factors, the sex drive is driven
by a combination of neurotransmitters and hormones including dopamine and either testosterone
and estrogen.
Production of these hormones varies in different people, and some people may have a much higher
sex drive than others.
So what sets sex addiction apart from a high sex drive?
That depends on who you ask.
Scientists differ on whether seeking sex compulsively actually qualifies as an addiction, and it’s
not a clinical diagnosis in the DSM yet.
However, other mental health experts have observed a surprising number of people who
have trouble controlling intense and frequent sexual desires that lead to self-destructive
behavior.
The team behind the International Classification of Diseases did create their own category
for it, officially titled “Compulsive sexual behavior”.
So how many people are battling sex addiction?
That depends on how you define it.
If you consider everyone who’s dealing with sex-related issues, that number could be as
high as sixteen percent of people.
But if you look at more severe symptoms and try to pinpoint a definition of sex addiction,
it’s closer to between three and six percent.
That’s still a lot of people who haven’t had a name for their condition until recently,
and one thing stands out in many studies of sex addiction.
Men are almost twice as likely to develop this addiction as women.
So what causes sex addiction?
Is it a purely psychological condition, or is there something deeper at work?
Scientists have looked at many possible causes.
Psychologists have observed that those who display symptoms of sex addiction often began
their sex lives at an early age, and may have experienced serious trauma as a child.
That leads many to believe that it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism for people who
never had the opportunity to develop their sex drive at an older age, and getting to
the root of the trauma and addressing it may be the best treatment approach.
Others argue it may be a symptom of borderline personality disorder, which many people with
a tendency towards promiscuity are diagnosed with.
Others argue it might be an imbalance in natural hormones and neurotransmitters causing the
addiction.
Those taking medications that affect their dopamine production have been observed to
develop a syndrome that can result in compulsive sexual activity or gambling.
So how to research this condition beyond talking to people who experience it?
Time to call on the researcher’s most reliable tool - rats!
Compulsive sexual behavior isn’t exclusive to humans, as anyone who’s seen a bunch
of wild rabbits would know.
Scientists studying rats that display compulsive sexual behavior have observed that this behavior
is driven by the same mechanisms in the brain that affect drug addiction.
This is the clearest proof yet that sex addiction is a genuine addiction, but it’s complicated
by the fact that sexual activity is not an outside stimulant.
It’s a natural instinct that acts as a positive reinforcer.
Naturally perceived by the brain as a reward, it triggers the instinct to seek it and the
brain responds accordingly.
Finding the line between the natural desire for sexual activity and the emergence of an
addiction is one of the biggest challenges facing researchers.
That’s one of the challenges facing sex addiction sufferers too.
Where does the line change between a desire and an addiction?
As more sex addiction sufferers come forward, a portrait is emerging of people whose desire
for sex takes over every single part of their life.
Most sex addicts don’t have any physical symptoms, so there’s no withdrawal period
due to the lack of chemical addiction.
The symptoms are mostly emotional, and many report that their fixation on sex makes it
impossible to concentrate on anything else.
They’re thinking about sex when they go to work or school, when they’re driving,
even when they’re trying to fall asleep at night.
When not having sex, they report feeling empty.
That leads them to seek out or stay in relationships that might be far from healthy.
Being in a relationship for a sex addict is tricky in its own right.
The best bet for a sex addict to have a healthy relationship would probably be to find someone
else with a very high sex drive so they can keep each other satisfied, but that’s treating
the symptoms - not the addiction.
It’s very easy for that relationship to go off the rails as soon as they’re separated,
because sex addiction is an insatiable beast.
When an addict’s first choice for sex isn’t around, they might quickly slip into bad habits.
That can include having an affair or seeking out a sex worker - either of which could not
only destroy their relationship, but leave them and their partner vulnerable to a sexually
transmitted disease.
Making it trickier, sex addiction is a disorder - but it may be one of many.
People have come forward with addictions to many different types of sex, some driven by
the digital world we live in.
Some people have become addicted to masturbation, becoming obsessed with pleasuring themselves
even in inappropriate situations.
A prominent journalist was recently caught masturbating on a Zoom chat - he claimed he
thought it was off, but that didn’t save his job.
Others report an addiction to pornography, which is easier to get than ever thanks to
the internet - although it does carry the risk of a very different kind of virus.
Others have a compulsion to expose themselves in public or spy on others, which can lead
to serious legal trouble.
These are all related to sex addiction, and people can have one or more - which can often
mingle with other addictions.
Treatment and support are available now - but it wasn’t always that way.
As sex addiction becomes more recognized as a disorder, many sex addicts are coming forward
with their stories of just how far they would go to satisfy their urges.
Many are just starting to dig out from all the relationship, professional, and legal
trouble their addiction caused them and are sharing their stories in anonymous forums.
One man was so fixated on sex that he would patronize online hook-up sites for anonymous
sex.
This obsession became so strong that he eventually started skipping out on his job in the middle
of the day to meet up with partners.
This continued until he got caught up in his latest hookup and missed an important meeting.
A quick dismissal from his job soon followed as he hit rock bottom.
Other sex addicts use their addiction to cover up for other stresses in their life.
A successful businessman’s marriage was already in trouble when he started giving
in to his compulsion to hire prostitutes.
It didn’t take long for his wife to figure out a lot of money was going missing, and
she demanded he stop.
So he promised he would - but actually started opening new accounts, hiding his money, and
getting deeper and deeper into the world of compulsive sex.
And that’s only the start of the trouble sex addicts can find themselves in without
treatment.
Addictive behaviors often go together, and people who are susceptible to one are vulnerable
to others.
One woman had a stable relationship with her husband until he wanted their active sex life
to involve drugs.
At first, she agreed, but his drug use grew out of control and put them both in danger.
She pulled away, but he got sucked deeper and deeper into his addiction and concealed
his addictions from her.
Another man was used to drinking pretty heavily as part of his social scene.
He liked to ask random women for selfies and use them as his personal connection for pleasuring
himself.
He built a massive collection thanks to lowering his own inhibitions by drinking heavily - and
didn’t realize how out of control he had become until his daughter discovered his secret
collection and was horrified.
Other sex addicts find themselves hitting even lower rock bottoms as they get arrested
for soliciting sex workers or having public sex.
Others contract sexually transmitted diseases that they then spread quickly as they move
through sexual partners.
The good news is, there’s more help now than ever before.
So what is the best treatment for those struggling with sex addiction?
Many sex addicts seek counseling, but the counseling field is still split on whether
sex addiction is a real diagnosis.
The official regulatory bodies for sex and relationship therapy haven’t accepted sex
addiction as its own disorder, so the job of counseling those with sex addiction usually
falls to experts of another sort - addiction specialists.
While these counselors may not have much experience with sex addiction, they’ve counseled countless
other people on how to handle addictions that are consuming their lives.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy, which is common for treating other addictions, has been used
to help sex addicts learn coping methods and behaviors to control their urges and keep
them from disrupting their lives.
But there’s another key element often missing from treatment - support.
Ever since Alcoholics Anonymous was founded in 1935 by Bill Wilson and Bob Smith, anonymous
groups where addicts can share their stories and offer support to those struggling have
been a cornerstone of addiction counseling.
The programs have since expanded to groups supporting those struggling with addiction
to narcotics, gambling, and overeating, as well as groups for family members supporting
their loved ones with addiction.
Multiple groups dedicated to helping sex addicts have emerged, including an online forum named
NoFap and several in-person support groups.
There’s just one problem - not all of them agree on what the best approach is.
Sex addiction is a newly diagnosed disorder and there has been relatively little research
done into it compared to other addictions.
That means different groups interpret the best way to help addicts differently.
The most famous group, Sexaholics Anonymous, has a strict definition of sexual sobriety
and helps those who want to go cold turkey on casual sex, pornography, and masturbation.
Others, like SMART Recovery and Sex Addicts Anonymous, have a more flexible definition
and help their members find a balance that gets their addiction under control.
Many people who don’t have any of these groups in their area attend Alcoholics Anonymous
meetings without sharing why they’re there and try to apply the twelve steps to their
own addiction.
But what about those who are struggling to get their addiction under control?
Getting a major compulsion to a manageable level can be a long process, so many counselors
are taking another step to protect their patients as they recover.
Because many sex addicts engage in risky sex with people they don’t know, some take pre-exposure
prophylaxis during the early stages of recovery.
This drug, covered by most insurance plans, is a preventive measure that helps to prevent
HIV infections.
It’s favored by people who aren’t ready to go cold turkey on their sex habits but
want to avoid infection while they work towards recovery.
Is society ready to address the topic of sex addiction like they do other addictions?
Indications are mixed.
Sex addiction first became known as a term in the 1970s as members of Alcoholics Anonymous
tried to apply their twelve-step program to those struggling with compulsive infidelity,
but many people still argue over the classification of the disorder.
Some worry about the risks of classifying sexual activity as a disorder and argue that
it could be used to stigmatize people with healthy, active sex drives.
Others argue that it’s not an addiction at all but rather a form of compulsive behavior
and should be treated differently.
But even as the controversy persists, the disorder becomes more well known.
Movies like Shame, Diary of a Sex Addict, and Don Jon helped to raise awareness and
give people compassion for those troubled by the disorder.
The number of support groups is growing, and those seeking help for sex addiction are finding
more people who have battled the disorder to welcome them as they start their own fight.
For more on strange sexual behavior, check out “The Craziest Things People Are Attracted
To” or check out this video instead.