I want to talk about practicing approaching. The reason why I
want to bring this up today is because this comes up in my coaching calls quite a bit.
And I thought, you know what, I got to get this out there. I want everyone to know this.
We're talking about this concept called deliberate practice, deliberate practice.
What does deliberate practice mean? I want to see what Google says.
Deliberate practice, what happens if I type that in? Deliberate practice refers to a special type
of practice that is purposeful and systematic. Oh man, that's perfect. Yes. In fact, it's
talked about in James Clear's book called Atomic Habits. I believe it's inside of Atomic Habits.
At the very least, it is talked about by James Clear who is the author of Atomic Habits.
He also says here, "While regular practice might include mindless repetitions, deliberate practice
requires focused attention and is conducted with a specific goal of improving performance." So we
want you... if you are someone who is going out and approaching women, which I believe you should,
so if you're doing in person conversations, in person approaching, you should be doing deliberate
practice style. You should not be doing the mindless repetitions or regular practice, as James
calls it. It has to be deliberate. Why? Let's talk about well what does regular mindless repetitions
look like? That looks like you're going out to the gym, you're going grocery shopping, you're running
errands... and you think okay, I'll double up, I'll run my errands and I'll do some approaches.
And listen, I appreciate that. I appreciate saving time. I appreciate you multi-tasking, in a sense.
I do appreciate what you're trying to do there. However, it doesn't work. I've found
that when I'm talking to clients and they say, I just couldn't get them any approaches in today,
or this week, and they're telling me about their week, they can't get it in... it's mainly because
they're trying to do it during other stuff. They're doing it and they're multi-tasking.
And it doesn't help here. Why? Because you actually end up
more anxious. You end up more anxious and not getting many... well, actually more importantly,
you're not getting many approaches in, but yes, it is more anxious because you're trying to do your
thing, whatever errand you're trying to run, and then with that you're also trying to approach and
you get more anxiety because you feel like well, I got to do this but I'm also doing this. It's
too much at once and you only end up getting a few approaches in. Now I have clients that say to me,
and they say to me in an argument against this, they say well, Tripp, I got to be honest with
you... this feels really strange. I have to go out and I have to do approaches and
I feel creepy, I feel weird, I feel like I'm just going out there
specifically to do this. And it feels strange. And first of all, I get it. Of course it feels
strange. It's probably something you've never done before. Let's just all admit,
anything you haven't done before is going to be a little weird, going to be a little bit strange.
So that's first of all, but I get it. I understand it seems a little strange
to go out there and do approaches, a lot of people are probably not doing this. Well, the only reason
why you're thinking it's strange is because you're probably just comparing yourself to other people.
I bet you if everyone else was doing it, or you knew a lot of people were doing it,
maybe you wouldn't feel as strange. But let's forget about comparing yourself to others.
Let's just focus on what you need to do to be a person who's going to be good at meeting women.
Forget judgments right now, throw judgments out the window, and think about what one needs to do.
What does one need to do to get good at something? They need to repeat it over and over, repetition.
What's the best way to do that? I think we can all agree that doing it while multitasking other
things is not going to work. At least maybe it works a little bit. You might say no, that's not
true Tripp. I've done errands and I've done some approaches. Okay, but you probably only gotten
a couple in. That has to be the case. You've only gotten a couple of approaches in.
Now if you go out with deliberate practice and say, I'm going to take an hour and go out and
approach as many women as I can, or I'm going to approach 15 or 10 women or whatever number
that you think is gonna be good for you, you are more likely to get that done in a segment of time
with deliberate practice that is purposeful and systematic than doing it while you're
running errands or while you just happen to be going out with your friends to the bar.
What I'm saying here is forget about what society says and all that stuff. Just focus on what you
need to do to get better. And to get better, you need a lot of repetitions – you need a lot
of reps. When you go to the gym and you want to build muscle over time, you're going to do a lot
of reps. You're going to be repeating yourself over and over because that's what gets you good
at the thing that you're trying to practice and the skill that you're trying to achieve. So if
you're going out and you're saying, I'm going to do this many approaches in this amount of time,
you're more likely to get it done doing that than trying to go out and run errands and do
it all at the same time. That's what I want for you. I want you to think, how can I make this a
deliberate practice? How can I make this something that allows me to get more repetitions done?
And so what? People are gonna think it's weird. And when I say they think it's gonna be weird,
that's in theory. It's in theory, no one's gonna necessarily know what you're doing.
You go out to a mall, you a few approaches there. You go to a Target, you do a few approaches there.
You go to a place where it's a large turnover of people walking back and forth. For example, in Los
Angeles, there's a place called The Third Street Promenade, where it just flushes new people every
15 minutes because it's just people walking down and out through a street.
I want you to focus on what you need to do to get good. I want you to use deliberate
practice, purposeful and systematic practice. I want you to stop letting
these thoughts... How do I say this? It's like these judgments that aren't even real.
These hypothetical judgments we'll call them. That's what people end up getting consumed by
when they don't end up doing the things that they want to do. They go through their head
of these hypothetical judgments of like, people might judge me, they might see me, they might...
or it's weird because society doesn't do this. Fuck what society says.
Play by the Tripp's ethical or moral rules. Which is one, if it's not illegal and you're not hurting
anyone, then do whatever the hell you want so you can get the results you want in your life.
And be in the top .001% of people who say, I'm going to go out today and I'm going
to go and do some approaches and I'm going to practice this and I'm going to make this work
for me so I can get to the point where I feel more comfortable, confident, and charismatic with women
and then have more leads. Because remember the game plan here. What's the big game plan?
You use online dating and in person to get a lot of leads and then you can filter
for the women that you're looking for. Don't underestimate the power of deliberate practice.