Hey guys welcome back, thanks for joining me this week so for this week's video
I was going through a couple of different topics that I was thinking of doing and you guys are actually gonna dictate this week's video
there was a real theme this week over the last couple weeks with the comments and the questions that I was getting and
you all wanted more information on how to deal with someone a
toxic person emotionally abusive person
Narcissistic person that you can't go no contact with so how do we learn how to start distancing ourselves from?
People that we can't remove from our lives and so for this video this week
I want to go over some things that can help you to begin to distance yourself and kind of
Create that bubble that I always talk about now if you haven't already don't forget to hit that subscribe button down below
Don't forget to click on the little notification bell, so you can be in the loop when I do upload my latest video
So let's get right into this week's video so one of the biggest things that will help you when you're dealing with someone who is
unhealthy
emotionally abusive
Narcissistic it really doesn't matter in terms
of
Distancing yourself from this person is you have to accept
You have to accept this person for who they are and that sounds really simple
but the fact of the matter is when we
Come in contact with someone who is emotionally abusive who's just toxic and unhealthy may be narcissistic
It doesn't really matter just someone that's not good for us a lot of the times
We take things personally that they're doing or there's this part of us that wants us to
You know really tell this person what they're doing is wrong
And how they are is you know unhealthy and we want to show this person
this unhealthy side of them and perhaps hopes that they'll maybe change or stop doing what they're doing and
You can't change anyone
You can't control anyone's behavior and really
Accepting that is the start towards you protecting yourself so when we accept that
someone is on their own journey doing their own thing and we
Can't change them. It's not our job to change them
That's really self empowering and I know I'm gonna get a lot of comments from people that say absolutely not you have to tell someone
What they're doing is wrong, and they can't do this or whatever and to some extent?
Yes, we always have to be standing up for ourselves, but we have to get to a place where we don't have
this need to try and change this person and this need to
expose this person for who we think they are and
This mean for this person to really want to change their behavior, so that's something that's really
healthy for you to accept and
Something that I know from me personally when I get to the point where I realize it's not my job to change anyone
It's not my job for someone to realize that their behavior is completely
irrational
Unhealthy, you know ridiculous. Just all of these things abusive
Then it made me feel really at peace because I didn't waste
Time and energy thinking about well how am I gonna tell this person that what they're doing is wrong?
I just really set a boundary
And I enforced the boundary and that was really just it I didn't try to fix someone so accepting people for who they are is
Really crucial and not wanting to fix anyone
It's something that will really benefit you to benefit you
In life and in dealing with this person the next thing is you have to practice self-awareness
So self-awareness is so important in so many aspects of your life
but really
Practicing self awareness when you're dealing with this person so you have to know
Who are the people in my in my life that are emotionally abusive that are toxic that are unhealthy?
If you don't know who those people are then you're going to probably be abused if you have those internal wounds you're going to react
Because you're just going off of other people's negativity and projections and their own insecurities and stuff
Their own emotional abuse and if you're not good to go and you've healed everything
You're going to take that stuff on you're going to react so when we practice self-awareness
We're going into
Okay, I know who person is that's abusive in my life and every time
I know I have to be in a situation with that
I'm very aware of the things that they do that I that I feel are abusive
So they may not think that they're abusive and that doesn't matter
But these are the things that I know that this person does that either pushes my buttons or?
gets under my skin or does the thing that that's really hurtful and
Disrespectful like you have to know these things you have to be aware of these things so that way when you have to
Contact this person when you have to interact with them
It's just having that self-awareness gives you home-field advantage because that means that okay, I'm in control of this situation
I know what this person does that hurts me or gets into my skin and when you practice that self-awareness
It allows you to
not take on other
people's stuff
so one of the things that I always tell people and it's something that I talk about all the time in my channel and that's
The reason why I created the channel was you have to educate yourself on
emotionally abusive people a
Narcissistic personality disorder you know all of these types of abusive behaviors that people do projecting
gaslighting you know shaming guilting someone using manipulation
Once you educate yourself on these things and you practice self-awareness and you
Practice learning how to hold on to yourself and love yourself
Through interacting with these people, then you're golden you have home-field advantage
And that's the bubble that I always talk about you know learning how to create that bubble because we can't stop the fact that
We have family members that we're gonna see we can't stop the fact that we have a co-worker who is just
You know very abusive and manipulative and narcissistic we can't prevent those things
So we have to learn how do we deal with this person in a healthy way the next thing is you have to establish?
Your boundaries with people, and this is like literally the first aspect of self love. That's so
So important because so many people comment or ask me
You know how do I set boundaries of people because told this person that what they're doing?
It's I don't like it and I won't stand for it, but they continue to do it
So there's two aspects of that number one is again. We can't change someone so we can communicate all day long hey
I don't like that. Please don't do that. I find that hurtful
I won't stand for that all of those types of things which are important
But if you don't enforce
that standard then that standard means nothing if you don't enforce that boundary and
Someone knows that you have poor boundaries
And they're weak because you verbalize what it is that you're expecting out of this person and when they don't
Rise to that occasion. You just let it go
They're going to continue to abuse you so the biggest thing with boundaries is not setting a boundary
It's learning how to enforce the boundary
So how do we enforce a boundary?
Enforcing a boundary is it's much like dealing with a child. You know when a child does something that is not okay?
We don't basically say okay, don't do that
There's there's a consequence if they continue to do it
So there's a punishment that happens if they continue to do it because they're not
Understanding that there's a boundary that there's a rule that there's a standard that we put in place
And it's the same thing with our
family our friends people that we work with you have to create that standard so there has to be a
consequence for someone
Violating your boundary, so if your boundary is you know please don't speak to me in a disrespectful way. Don't yell at me
Don't give me a passive-aggressive
You know tone or whatever the situation is there has to be a consequence when someone continues to do it
So if someone's continuing to violate a boundary and you're not setting that standard and enforcing it
The abuse is just going to continue and actually it might continue even more
Because now they know that you have poor boundaries that you have weak boundaries and that you don't have
The self-confidence or the self-respect to really stand up for yourself
And so they're going to take advantage of you more and more remember people are always treating you
By what you will tolerate so you are really in every aspect of your life friendship partner
Co-worker would have you you're dictating that relationship
It doesn't mean that
what we're going to do is going to change that person to say you know, I'm
Abusive, and I really need to get a hold of that and really change it
No
But what you're showing an abusive person is I'm not tolerating that behavior and when the behavior happens something
Something there's a consequence to that that behavior happening
And I won't tolerate it so whether it's hey
You know if you speak to me in that way
I'm disengaging now and when we can talk in a calm way in a loving way
Then we can reestablish this conversation I get back to the matter is like I said
You are showing people how you want to be treated and that
Goes for your co-workers your family members your friendships your partner, so if you're unhappy with any relationship
It's because you're allowing that person number one to have an effect on you
You haven't learned how to create that bubble and number two you haven't gotten to the place where
You're enforcing your boundaries and your setting standards when you do that
You'll be so surprised at the relationships that you have in your life. They'll be healthier. They'll just be easy
relationships of
honest communication and respect because if you set a boundary and
Someone respects that boundary. That's a good relationship. That's a relationship
that's gonna flow very nicely if you have a
Friend or someone that you're dealing with and you enforce a boundary and all of a sudden
It's like here comes the backlash here comes the abuse like here comes
Manipulation and guilt and shame that's not someone that you want in your life
so
understanding that if that's what you're getting back from that person when you just
Try to be self loving and say this is what I expect in my life because I have standards and they don't respect that
That is not someone that you even want in your life, so you're actually gaining
Something by you know distancing yourself from someone or having someone just drop from your life entirely
So the next thing do not share any information with this person so if you're dealing with someone that's narcissistic or emotionally abusive
Whether that's in your office. I want this manipulative or someone in your family, or a friend
You don't share anything with this person. We don't share what we're struggling with we don't share the good stuff
That's happening in our lives any real detailed information. We don't share we don't really share anything
We want to be really blah to this person we want to give them nothing so when the conversation starts
And they start asking us questions, we give them very general statements, and then we just throw that ball right back at them
Which is so what's going on with you and start asking them all kinds of questions because anyone who is emotionally abusive or narcissistic
Or just toxic and unhealthy they love talking about
themselves so they can go all day long so what you need to do is just probe and ask them the questions and have your
Statements just be very very general. We won't we don't want to give them any
You know ammunition to hurt us in the future or
You know really cut us out our knees with something that we're probably
Vulnerable to or something that we're struggling with we don't want to be human with these people
Essentially we just want to come to the table again
General statements and just focus the conversation on that other person keep asking them questions
And I guarantee you they will be more than happy to just talk about themselves throughout the entire
Conversation so the next thing is learning how to protect yourself emotionally
This is the bubble this is making sure that we're not taking on other people's projections
We're not you know dealing with that manipulation
We're not feeling any guilt or shame
We're not taking any of that stuff on because we need to have tools in order to
Allow us to have
Conversation and it'll allow us to interact with someone and it's a practice and this is definitely something that
Not only takes practice, but it takes a lot of self-love because when you're dealing with someone that is narcissistic
That's emotionally abusive
It doesn't matter how much you educate yourself on this stuff where human beings and when someone says something
that's hurtful and
You know just unnecessary. We're human. It's going to hurt. It's gonna sting for a minute and
The way you can tell if you're getting to a better place with this person is how long does the sting happen?
Does it happen so much where you go back to your desk?
or you you know leave the
party where this person was at and you're just enraged and you're like why would this person say this and
You're just thinking about it
and
You know you want to text them
Or you want to email them and just why did you say that that was so ridiculous and uncalled for it?
And you're wrong. Do you want to do all that stuff or?
Do you lead this person and say?
Okay, that person definitely is insecure and was trying to get under my skin
and is it was definitely trying to manipulate me there for a minute and
But I'm so proud of myself because throughout the whole thing I walked into that interaction saying I'm gonna hold onto myself
I'm gonna love myself. I'm gonna know who the person is that I'm dealing with and I'm not gonna take any of that stuff on
That that's when you really know you're getting to a great place with this person but again
This is stuff that takes practice, and it takes you really learning how to love yourself
which means I love myself more my energy my
Vibration is more important than me getting wrapped up in the negativity and drama of this person so that's something that is so
so
important when you're dealing with these types of people that we can't escape we have to deal with that as much as I can give
You information on how to learn how to create that bubble and distance yourself from someone and things of that sort?
it does get to a point where you have to determine whether or not this environment is good for you because
this stuff is
Not easy stuff to deal with it is not easy to every day have to go into work and deal with someone that is
manipulative and rude and unhealthy and hurtful
it isn't easy you know being married to someone who's emotionally abusive 24 hours a day and
And narcissistic or having a friend. That's maybe just
selfish and hurtful and
Or any-any really any relationship even a family member
There's nothing that says that we're buying two people for the rest of our lives
So you have to determine who are the people that?
should be in my life that are good for me and
who are the people that I need to let go and
It's not easy people that you surround yourself with really will make or break your life
so take an inventory of who are the people in my life that I have to deal with and
Do I want to keep this relationship going? Do I feel good after I leave this person?
Is this person healthy it are they emotionally abusive, and do, I really have to deal with them
you know even like I said even family members and
People that were married to following periods of time you don't have to stay in those relationships
And I believe me it is not an easy thing to cut certain people out of your life. Especially when they've been there
For so long or when it's a sister or a brother or a parent or?
whoever that we might have an expectation that we need to keep this person in our life, but the reality is you really don't and
Again, it's not easy to do, but I do think that it's harder to keep someone in your life
That is emotionally abusive that is narcissistic and unhealthy then to cut someone out of your life
Neither is an easy easy choice cutting someone out of your life is not something
That's easy to do, but it is better than having to constantly work at a relationship
Constantly having to arm yourself before you deal with this person
You know always creating that bubble it becomes
Emotionally draining to deal with certain people so when you begin to really love yourself you will
Definitely take an inventory because now you're starting to
You know create a great life, and you're happy and you're feeling content
And you're noticing that there's just drama with this person or this person is
Very unhealthy and when I leave this person. I don't feel good about myself
That's not someone that we want in our day-to-day life, so I hope that this video has helped you guys out there
Understand some ways and things that you can start thinking about so you can distance someone from your life
And maybe even giving you some insight on whether or not there are certain people in your life that you should keep in your life
so definitely take an inventory of the people that you are surrounding yourself with and
Determine whether or not someone is actually good for you so again
I hope you guys enjoy the video keep the comments coming I will put links below to all of my social media
So don't forget to follow me on Facebook and Instagram, and I will see you next week