He's gonna take you back to the past
To play the shitty games that sucked ass
He'd rather have a buffalo, take a diarrhea dump in his ear.
He'd rather eat, the rotten asshole, of a roadkill skunk and down it with beer
He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard
He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd
He's the Angry Atari, Sega Nerd. He's the Angry video game Nerd
Ghostbusters 2 on Nintendo.
Well, here
it is.
The game starts out with this little intro with Vigo. You see him at the end too, when you lose, and both times, he does the
Elvis lip.
So the first levels under the subway at the river of slime. And that's right.
Wow. The game actually has levels with a simple goal to get to the end without dying. And that's what I'm fucking talking about.
Ghostbusters should be nothing more complicated than just running around,
zapping ghosts. So, it's a huge, HUGE improvement over the first game.
But that's not saying much, it still sucks monkey fucking pukes diarrhea up your fucking asshole!
And that's interesting. Because, the movie Ghostbusters 2 is definitely inferior to the first one.
So, I guess the formula works like this. A good movie, equals...
A shitty fucking game! But,
A not so good movie, equals a game that's not as shitty.
This time, the Ghostbusters only shoots slime.
They never use their proton packs.
The controls could have been better. The way you move the gun is kind of awkward.
Like it stays wherever you point it. And it takes a moment to aim it elsewhere rather than just being instantaneous.
This is a hard one to explain. But just play it for a while, then pop in Contra,
And you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.
It's also stupid that A shoots slime and B
jumps. Usually, it's the other way around. As for start and select, they don't do donkey dick. Usually, start is pause,
But here, there's no fucking way to pause the damn game.
I mean, if you gotta go answer the phone, or take a shit,
It's like tough shit if you gotta take a shit. You got to take a quick shit. You got to have turbo turns.
I'm trying to play the game, I got shit stains in my pants. And an answering message on my phone that says, "Sorry
I'm playing Ghostbusters 2 on Nintendo."
What a selfish game. Bottom line, have a fucking pause button. God damn it!
Well the game definitely has its variety. The second level you're driving around and dodging shit.
Shooting at ghosts that look like bedsheets with two eye holes cut out, sort of like Charlie Brown's halloween costume.
Oh, and the car is alive. Because when it dies, it bleeds. Yeah, it gets mangled into a bloody mess.
Yeah, I know. It's red slime.
Level three is the courthouse. Oh wait. Is that Kool-Aid? Give me the Kool-Aid! Oh, fuck.
Level four you're driving again. Like before, there's holes you got to jump over.
But you got to make sure that you drive over the arrows because they're the speed boosters. Oh
Get out of my way!
Fucking ghost. All right, here we go. Oh! There's another. Oh! Come on.
And you think I'm doing bad? Take a look at the demo in the beginning of the game.
It doesn't even try. It just crashes into everything.
The only reason it even gets by, is because after you hit something, you're immune to damage for a brief moment,
You can pass through. But really. Why is the game having so much trouble playing with itself?
It doesn't know it can move up and down or jump. The game
sucks at itself more so than any human being regardless of age or experience could possibly suck at the game.
The irony just Baffles me.
So anyway, level 5 is the abandoned Subway.
It seems like somebody's off-screen to the left just constantly throwing junk in your way. I mean, what is all this shit?
fuck!
So here's level 6 the Statue Of Liberty
Remember the scene in the movie where the ghostbusters use the Nes advantage to control the statue of Liberty?
Well, I'm playing it with the nes advantage right now.
And, that's kind of weird don't you think in the movie? One of the most famous icons the United States being controlled by A
Nintendo controller.
Nintendo ruled the fucking world.
And see what they did here? They created levels in the game based off scenes in the movie.
That's what I was talking about before. I don't know what these things are that you're supposed to be shooting at though
I guess they're ghosts, but they're shaped like fish.
And if they're ghosts, they're the happiest, most energetic ghosts
I've ever seen doing choreographed dances in the sky. So now we're in the city, so I guess it's level seven, and we're fighting
bungee-Jumping Skeletons, I think.
Here we go at the museum, covered in the river slime. And this is the final level of the game. And by now,
it's all starting to look the same. There really isn't any more variety in the gameplay.
The only thing different is the backgrounds. Yet
They're all based on scenes from the movie like the river slime, the courthouse, the abandoned Subway and finally the museum.
But you're doing the same exact thing. Just walk into the end of the level,
Shooting ghosts overhead, and dodging things that go up and down,
Bounce across the screen, sweep across the ground, or just wiggle all over the place.
Damn, I hate all this shit.
Fuck! Bitch! Ass!
It pisses me off.
Well like they say, it's better to be pissed off than to be pissed on.
So, you have to play through the level four times to get all the Ghostbusters through. That's right.
They actually have all four ghostbusters. So when you get to the end, you watch them
Shoot slime all over Vigo, and then that's it.
He doesn't even come out of the painting. The game's over. You win.
So, to save time on developing an end boss, instead,
They just make you go through the last level four times. What a piece of shit. Hey, come here.
That. It's dog shit. That's what it reminds me of. This game reminds me of dog shit!
Can Sega do better again? Well let's find out. We got Ghostbusters on the Sega Genesis also called the Mega Drive.
We're stepping in the 16-bit territory now. Yet,
this game was released about the same time as ghostbusters 2 on Nintendo. Rather than making their own game of Ghostbusters 2, Sega made something
completely original.
Well, there's only three Ghostbusters again. And what's their problem with Winston?
What are they fucking racist or something? Well whatever the case, you get to pick your Ghostbuster.
They got big heads and they walk like they're crapping down their pants.
You got dialogue scenes and not one
But two stores. An item shop and a weapon shop. Again
resorting to that old tired idea of having the Ghostbusters buy all their own equipment.
Then you got the map screen which, thank God it serves the only purpose that it should.
Selecting which order you want to play the stages in.
So you can go into the little house, the apartment, the bigger house, the High-rise
building and after you've beaten all that you can go to the castle. The stages are
non-linear in a sense that you don't just run through from beginning to end. You gotta find your way around.
You can climb ladders, swim,
and explore the whole place until you've found and defeated all the boss ghosts, which there's several of. And when you defeated them,
You get to lay a trap and catch a slimer in true
Ghost busting Fashion. After you cleared the stage, you get money and then you leave.
So that's the concept which is enough to keep you entertained. The controls great, walking and jumping is perfectly
Responsive, you can easily shoot in any direction, You can crawl,
it's fun blasting things. the sounds and music are original in the caricature look, I find kind of amusing actually.
This is what you call a game.
I like this. I like this? I can't believe what I'm saying.
I think the world is coming to an end.
Seriously like fire and Brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and Seas boiling! 40 years of Darkness! Earthquakes! Volcanoes!
The dead rising from the graves, Human Sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, Mass hysteria!
But don't worry. I'll find something about it that sucks.
Like those tablecloths that wrap you up? You can't even do anything, but wait. They don't even do any damage.
So what's the point? Just to be annoying.
You might as well just have somebody come in and take the controller from me for about five seconds.
There's also an overabundance of weapons and items which out of all them, only one is really mandatory. The night goggles.
Without them, there's no way you can get through the fire level. Because you can't see shit. Look at this.
I can't tell where I'm going. And the goggles run out of juice.
So, if you're far along in the level and they start to dim, you're fucked.
You got to kill yourself, go back to the store to buy more goggles, and then start the level all over again.
What a shitload of fuck. I also hate these fire towers.
It's like no matter how well you estimate the jump, you either end up getting burnt because you jump too short, or
accidentally touch the fire trying to get as close as possible to jump. And also you have to make sure that you time your jump
right or the fire comes up and burns your ass. And if you stand there to even try to think about it, a flaming guinea
pig comes out.
Yeah, flaming guinea pigs are pretty weird. but you know it's also weird? When you die,
You turn into a mummy. That I can't understand. Then you got these disappearing green things to jump on.
Guess what the toughest enemies in the game are? Coffee cups. You think they'd shatter after just one hit,
but no
They take forever to break. I don't get it. Lots of the enemies are just
Annihilated after just one hit, but not those. Don't fuck with the coffee cups.
The boss battles are cool, although sometimes really random like this blue guy that comes apart. Come on, die!
Alright. Oh! He's still got a head!
Yeah!
You got the crystal
Monkeyman, the Evil snowman, the fire Dragon, the flame guy, the
Face that emerges from the wall, the woman who multiplies to three, gotta
shoot the real one, then there's the grim reaper who looks like Dracula from
Castlevania 2, then there's the plant which reminds me a little shop of horrors which is an interesting connection.
Because Rick Moranis starred in the remake, and he was Louis in Ghostbusters.
Then you got Stay Puft who relentlessly attacks you during this stage, but then at the end,
You finally get to punish him for all the shit he put you through. Die! Die! Get him, get him, get him, get him! Yeah!
He's dead as shit. In a sea of terrible ghostbusters games, this one stands out
And it's still fun to play. If you could somehow get your hands on it, I check it out.
So this concludes my three-part review of all the Ghostbusters games I can get my hands on. Is it kind of
ironic that I end on one that's actually kind of decent?
I don't know.
I mean is it any more ironic that the same guy who did the voice for Garfield
did the voice for Peter Venkman in the Ghostbusters cartoon? While Bill Murray was a live-action Peter Venkman and he also did the voice
of Garfield in the movie.
And one more thing:
Ghostbusters 3. Is it really going to happen?
Should it happen? Well, if they made The Santa Claus 3, Free Willy 3, Home Alone 3,
Psycho 3 The Neverending Story, 3 Problem-Child 3, and about
10,000 Scary Movie and American Pie sequels, all the crap that gets shot out of Hollywood's big fat fucking ass,
I don't see why Ghostbusters 3 shouldn't get made. I grew up with those movies.
I would love to see those guys put on the proton packs one more time. Even if the whole movies just the Ghostbusters
sitting around taking a shit, I'd go see it. Now, excuse me. I got to take out the garbage.