[typing]
Hey. You!
Yeah, you, watching this video.
So you like to play The Sims 3, huh?
Well, you haven't *really* played The Sims 3
until you get your Sim a nice bedroom–oh...
They already have one.
Well, you'll still need an awesome bathroom–
aw, crap, you've got that too?
Hmm.
Oh, I know.
How about some nice luxurious furnishings and intimate apparel?
I see.
Well, it looks like you're pretty much set for life–
The Sims 3 Master Suite Stuff.
Includes luxurious furnishings and intimate apparel?
What the frick is this? My Sims already have all the stuff they need.
Oh, I get it. It's just that time again.
EA needed some lunch money,
so they gave the old Sims 3 teat a firm squeeze and this popped out.
Time for the fifth freaking Stuff Pack for The Sims 3 base game,
and good grief, is it just me or is anyone else tired
of these luxury-oriented content packs?
When are we gonna get Lower-Middle Class Stuff?
Or Hungry Homeless Hobo Stuff?
Not everyone wants to play The Sims 3 emulating the Hilton family.
Whatever. Let's just move on to the wonders that we have in store for us this time.
The game starts off with a very red loading screen
with some sensuous flower petals and suggestive ticker phrases.
Now just what are they implying here?
I thought this was Master *Suite* Stuff,
not Masturbate Stuff.
Oh, well. As per usual, you can load a previous save game
or start a new game to access the stuff.
It's all kind of crammed into your game all at once
but I've grouped the items into four main categories:
In the Crap group, we have an assortment of crap.
Starting with a crapper, called the Seat of Romance.
[Latin accent] The Seat of Romance...
[normal voice] Um, yeah, it's really called that
and I don't know what kind of romance happens with this seat,
and I have no desire to.
You also get a sink, a shower, a bath tub, and a mounted mirror,
which thankfully aren't nearly as creepy
as the Seat of Romance.
Next, you've got some general junk for wherever,
including a living chair, some double doors,
a bay window with flowers on it, whether you want them on there or not.
an ugly shuttered window for the top of your wall,
a column, a fireplace,
and a light called the Delicate Dangling Participle.
Really.
Dangling... Participle.
Wow. Why don't they just call it the Penis Lamp?
Okay, so earlier, I was just joking about calling it the Masturbate Stuff Pack,
but I guess I wasn't as off base as I thought I was.
Oh, well, it can't get any worse than that–
HOLY CRAP! There's a mirror called "Glamour Puss?"
Now that's just trying too hard.
Heh heh...
hard...
Okay, that's it. The Sims team are officially as...
immature as me.
Moving on, thank goodness,
next we have the More Crap category
which consists of stuff for the main event of the night:
the bedroom.
Here, you get an end table, a dresser,
a standing mirror,
a floor lamp thing,
some curtains,
some candles to set the mood for woohoo,
and, oh my goodness, a canopy bed,
because canopy beds are apparently the very definition of sexy.
Although, you can't close the canopy,
so it's about as useful as a bottle of sunblock
to an albino on the beach.
At midnight.
And finally, there's the Useless Crap category,
which contains all sorts of crap that might be useful,
if it weren't friggin' useless.
Stuff like framed flowers,
a hanky holder,
a towel shelf,
some dead plants,
flowers in a vase you can't change the color of,
and these glass containers of... I don't know.
Rohypnol and Bremelanotide or something.
But, wait! There's less!
That's right, you also get one new hair style for men
and four new hair styles for women.
They're... completely uninspiring.
Eww, yeah, I really just don't like them.
You also get some lingerie and bedroom apparel for adult men
and mostly for adult women.
And these are actually quite nice.
Really just due to the fact that the pajamas and lingerie area
were a lacking area of The Sims 3 for a long time,
and this fixes that completely.
Well, presuming you already haven't fixed it yourself
by installing lots of free mods,
but I digress.
You do get one completely new item in this Stuff Pack, though,
and that is the eye mask.
Eye masks are–
Aagghhh!! Oh.
Okay, that's... that's better.
Eye masks are these things.
They don't help your Sims sleep any better,
but they're cool if you're into that kind of thing
and who am I to judge your fetish?
The one disadvantage to these eye masks is
that your Sims don't take them off when they get out of bed.
So you have your Sims going around like wannabe daredevils–
totally blind yet somehow still able to navigate the world perfectly.
Man, EA, talk about your oversights.
Heh heh...
So is The Sims 3 Master Suite Stuff worth buying or not?
As always, it costs $20 if you buy it at the suggested price,
although you can find it for less.
Actually, right now, it's on sale at my game shop for a few dollars off.
So if you get it there, you get a better price,
and you'll help my channel out at the same time.
But shameless plugging aside,
I really don't think Master Suite is worth the cost.
Like, at all.
I can't really say much of the content is truly awful or anything,
and I can see how it might have some appeal to people
that like blind Sims and getting it on with their toilet,
but that's just not me. Sorry.
Other than a few eye masks,
there isn't a thing here that's new or even tweaked enough to make me interested.
You really want some cool Sims 3 Stuff?
Check out ModTheSims.info.
It's got tons of great stuff for download, and it's all free.
This, on the other hand, is a waste of 20 bucks
as far as I'm concerned.