-In your early --
-I can hear the cameramen breathing.
[ Laughter ]
-In your early days on stage,
did you ever have audiences this light?
-Oh, my Lord. I did an off-Broadway play
where, yeah, there were more people on stage
than in the audience.
And I remember the director said to us at one point,
"You know what I think the problem is?
I think the lights are too bright."
[ Laughter ]
And I said, "Yes. That's the problem.
They can see the play." [ Laughter ]
Well, Seth, you're the only one I get out of my sweatpants for,
and I mean that in the nicest way.
-I really appreciate it.
-Not the mention the nominal appearance fee.
-Right, but it's not nothing, in this day and age.
-I'll tell you. -There was a real dark spot
there for Broadway, and then, last night, a lot of openings.
-I know. -Were you out and about?
Did you go see anything?
Did you talk to friends who are on stage?
-[ Laughs ]
-Who are you talking to, Kristen Chenoweth?
[ Laughter ] No, I wasn't "out and about."
[ Laughter ]
No. I don't -- No.
I'm not going into a theater with 1,200 people.
Are you nuts? [ Laughter ]
Who knows where they've been?
I wish you all a lot of luck with that Broadway thing.
[ Laughter ]
No. No.
I heard -- yes, a lot of shows are opening,
and I hear some of them, they're selling very well.
-Good. -And, look, everyone should be
cautiously optimistic.
-It would be nice. I think those are
the perfect combination of words
for how we should be moving forward.
-Well, you know, because we have to be aware
that there's the delta variant, now the mu.
-Yeah. -The mu, which is not only
respiratory, but, you know, there's lactating involved.
[ Laughter ]
Thanks. Can you run around the room
and make it sound like a group?
[ Laughter ]
-This, by the way, is as hot as it's been.
[ Laughter ]
We'll send you tapes of some other guests.
You'll be like, "Oh, I murdered."
-Yes. -You did --
-Started Wally's comedy career. -Yeah, and now Wally complains
when he's not in the show for a week.
-I know. -Yeah.
-Well, it's gone to his head. -Yeah.
Well, you know. You've worked with divas.
[ Laughter ] -I sure have.
-You were between a couple, Marty and Steve, in the clip.
-Oh, those two. -Right.
-Those two and their shenanigans.
You know, someone was asking me --
They said, what was the energy like?
And I said, you know, they're like two 20-year-olds.
You know -- Okay, maybe 30.
30-year-olds. Two tired 30-year-olds.
[ Laughter ] All right.
Two 40-year-olds on vacation. [ Laughter ]
Let's put it that way.
No, they are -- you know, I've known them both a long time.
And, you know, they're at that point in their lives where,
you know, they're bona fide geniuses.
-Yeah. -They have nothing to prove.
They just want to show up together and have fun
and do good work and make millions of dollars.
[ Laughter ]
-That's always been a really important thing for them.
-And it seems to be working. No, they're --
No, they were -- they set the tone
for the whole set, and you know, they're so gracious and kind
and appreciative of all the guest stars.
-Yeah, it's a really nice thing about them.
And they do -- I've always said about them,
they put so much work into it, to make it look effortless.
-Yes. Oh, totally!
Yeah, no, they both -- Especially when they --
when they do talk shows,
it's like they're gonna host the Oscars.
They prepare. I myself usually prepare a lot.
You know, this was a last-minute booking.
-It is. You bailed us out.
-Who fell out, Lizzo? [ Laughter ]
-Yeah. -Lizzo fell out,
and you thought -- -Lizzo fell out,
and she suggested you. [ Laughter ]
-"Who's like Lizzo? Call Nathan lane.
We know he's definitely available."
[ Laughter ]
Does he know the words to "Truth Hurts"?
For the kids.
I do one for you, one for the kids.
[ Laughter ]
-I want to pitch you a Broadway musical that I'm working on,
and I think there's a really good part for you.
-"Cicada Cicada." -"Cicada Cicada."
-Well, the whole town is abuzz. [ Laughter ]
Literally. With "Cicada Cicada," you know.
[ Laughter ]
-You just made the poster, "Cicada Cicada --
The whole town is abuzz." [ Laughter ]
Look, if you don't get the part,
and I think you're gonna get it --
-What do you mean, "if"? -I'm just saying --
-What do you mean, if? -I think you're gonna get it.
But, at the very least, you have the tagline.
-I don't have to audition, do I? -No, I don't think you do.
-Because I can't audition. -No, this is --
We did hear it was offer only. -Yeah.
-And as soon as Lizzo said no, we were like,
"You know who we're gonna get?" [ Laughter ]
-Lizzo. -So, can I just talk through
the plot real quick? And you tell me,
as someone who's a sort of Broadway pro --
-Well, from what I hear of the plot, it has to be quick.
[ Laughter ]
-Great. -Yeah, go ahead.
-All right, so a Cicada is, you know, hatched.
-Yes. -Played by Christine Baranski,
who is a very soft yes.
[ Laughter ]
-She's an old friend of mine. She will definitely do it.
-Okay, great. -We're working together
on "The Gilded Age" for HBO. -Oh, fantastic.
I'm very excited about that. -She'll definitely do it.
-Okay. So we got Baranski is a cicada...
-A cicada. -...who loves Broadway,
born somewhere in Georgia or South Carolina,
wherever cicadas are. -So a gay cicada.
-Well, yeah, a very gay cicada comes to New York City.
So excited, but is unaware about their very short life span.
This is the tragedy inherent in the play.
And it all takes place during the pandemic.
And -- -I'm --
I'm not Bill Nye the Science Guy.
What is their life span?
-17 days. -17 days.
-I've also done very little research.
-Oh, wow. [ Laughter ]
Their life span is 17 days?
-In the play, it's definitely 17 days.
-Wow.
-There's a cockroach in the play.
-Always. That sounds like a good part for me.
-Harvey Fierstein is gonna play the cockroach.
-Oh, Jesus, him. -Sorry.
-Okay. [ Laughter ]
-So, there's the cockroach, and the cockroach befriends
the cicada -- -What's his life span?
[ Laughter ] -Harvey?
Well, no, so that's the -- -The cockroach,
he can live forever. -Sure.
-All right. -Anyway, so the cockroach
realizes his friend the cicada is gonna pass away
before Broadway reopens 'cause it takes place
during the pandemic, and Broadway is closed.
The cockroach happens to live in a very famous Broadway --
-Is the cockroach an old friend of the cicada's?
-No, they meet in New York. She's, like, new off the bus.
-Only 17 days. -Yeah.
-So they meet? -Yeah, that kind of like
"cricket in Times Square" type meeting.
-Okay.
-You know what I'm talking about.
-Yeah. -So anyway --
The cockroach happens to live in the apartment
of a very famous Broadway star. -Yeah.
-Nathan Lane. -The cockroach in my apartment?
-Yes. -Well, what does that
say about me personally? [ Laughter ]
That I don't keep a clean house? -You're spinning too much.
It's not. The cockroach makes a --
-That sounded right out of the shtetl.
[ Laughter ]
"You think I don't keep a clean house?"
[ Laughter ]
So, well -- So I have a cockroach.
-You have a cockroach, and the cockroach makes a deal with you.
-Yeah. -"I will move out of your home."
-"I'd like to make a deal with you."
-See? Very good. You can be the understudy.
On the nights where Harvey's sick, you can do both parts.
-Thanks a lot. He'd love that.
[ Laughter ] -So you -- he convinces you...
-Yeah. -...to do a one-man show
for his friend the cicada before she dies.
-Called "Cicada Cicada"?
-No, that play is called "Cicada Cicada."
We can call it whatever we want in the body of the show.
-Oh. -But that's how --
it would be that you, then, are the one-man Broadway show.
-Called "17 Days." -"17 Days," yeah.
And I think it'll be really good.
-But that's it, there's just three people in this musical?
-Well, there's other characters.
Like, a lot of The Mets are gonna be in it.
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, 'cause what else are they doing?
-But there's -- Well, here's the thing.
The Mets are really bad when the play starts.
-Well, that comes as no surprise.
-With each of the 17 days, The Mets keep winning.
-Oh, oh! -And the cockroach, at the end,
has to decide if he's gonna -- -Is this set in '69?
-No, it's set in modern times. Which is why --
Well, it's kind of a fictional role, because The Mets do well.
[ Laughter ] And then --
-Well, they won that one -- Wasn't it '69?
-'86 they won again. -Yeah, yeah.
-We're a couple sports guys. [ Laughter ]
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-Anyway, the cockroach --
-I think I hurt myself. [ Laughter ]
-The cockroach has to make a choice --
"Do I go to this Mets game..." -Right.
-"...or do I go to this one-man -- the chance to see
my friend the cicada see Broadway on her --"
And at the end of your show, the cockroach gives
a standing ovation, but the cicada doesn't.
You know why? -Why?
-Chk! It died. -Wow.
-Yeah. -This has a tragic ending.
-It's really tragic. -[ Laughs ] This is --
-I think everybody thinks it's gonna be a comedy,
and that's where we get them at the end.
-You know, like, you know, when you take improv classes,
you know, "Yes and..." -Yeah.
-I think this is a great idea. [ Laughter ]
And I just need to speak to a few people about it.
You know, Sondheim.
-Well, we'd love to get Sondheim.
-Would you like to get Sondheim? -Yeah.
This is going to be the Stephen, not Gary, right?
I've been stuck with Gary. [ Laughter ]
If I get stuck with Gary Sondheim one more time...
-Gary stinks, but Steve is really good.
I would -- I would -- I certainly would sign on
if you'll have me. -Yes, great.
All right, so I got you, soft yes on Baranski.
You work on her, and then Fierstein.
-Harvey Fierstein. Have you talked to him?
-I haven't talked to him yet. -Yeah.
-And then, The Mets, and we're good.
-"Only Murders in the Building" is streaming now on Hulu.
We'll be right back. -This is the most
I've ever seen you talk on this show.
-Well, thanks. I'm so overwhelmed.
-Wow. Very exciting.
-We're gonna win a Tony. -Oh, yeah.
-We'll be right back with B.J. Novak.
-It's not as exciting as you think.