*sick Mark croaking a Christmas carol* ♪ Do you hear what I hear, do you hear what I hear? Dadadada dat I'm fuckin' siiiiiiick ♪
♪ Dunna dunna DUNna I'm really fuckin' sick now ♪
♪ , so (cough) leeet's all make a fuckin' video ♪
♪ that's about cringe and Christmaaaas! ♪
♪ It's the second day of Christmaaaas... ♪
Hi. Hello, everybody. My name is Markiplier and I am really sick.
Like, I don't know why
Every time I get sick, I get- my throat absolutely revolts against my body and decides to explode in a fireball of DEATH.
But that's what happens. So,
I would show you a picture of the back of my mouth, but that'd be fucking disgusting.
You know what? Fuck it, here we go.
There it is
Woop. If you missed it, oh well! Too late! It's gone!
Ah, fuck it. I don't know why I had to take a picture of MY mouth, I coulda just taken a picture of somebody else's
fucked up throat
But it's bad, it's no good, but that's 100% authentic Markiplier right there
Because I don't care right now
*voice crack* Anyway,
Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier and welcome to Try Not to Cringe, version 2.
I don't know why I keep doing Try Not to Cringes when I'm sick
It's not an intentional thing. But I swear, I planned this because we just did
the-The Cringemas Special Charity Livestream
With Felix, Jack, Emma and PJ and everybody else that joined along
And it was Cringemas. So I THOUGHT
That I would do another Try Not to CRINGE
for CHRISTMAS
and it just so fucking HAPPENED
that I was SICK
during it
It's not my fault. If you think I'm faking it,
*heavy metal* Smash that like button!
*coughing fit with heavy metal music*
What, you don't think this is Christmathither?
Ah, fuck man
Oh, my sweet baby
I've even got Christmas themed cold medicine
Clear and Cool, just like Christmas.
What, you don't think that's fucking Christmas?
fffuck me then
*Machine gun SFX*
*Sounds of disgust*
Are you cringing already?
Is it already time for the cringe?
If you've cringed already,
FUCKING SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON!
If you're in the Christmas spirit, FUCKING DESTROY THAT LIKE BUTTON!!!
If you're not, FUCKING SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON!!!
Oh god. Ow.
Can we get ONE MILLION LIKES on this?!
*Gunshot*
VITAMIN C, BITCH!
It's good for you! When you're sick!
Oh god.
I might be here a while
Fuck it.
As if I care.
If you don't care
Fuginjinjoy!!
Fuckin' kick that goddamn Like button in the face!
Like a goddamn boss!
Sideswipe that fuckin' Like button!
Fuckin'--- aw man.
I'm using up all my energy on this intro.
That's not a good idea. Ugh.
Oh fuck.
So who's ready for the cringe? Because I certainly am ready for the cringe.
I've been crin-I've been ready for the cringe my whole goddamn life.
My whole life has been a cringefest
so why would this be any different?
Let's go to it.
*voice crack* So, we're back on good old /r/cringe. This time, instead of going for the all-time cringe, I'm going to
*sickly inhalation*
look up atlaofthe--Cringe of the last month.
LOBBYIST: (...) do not believe that glyphosate in Argentina is causing increases in cancer.
LOBBYIST: You can drink a whole quart of it and it won't hurt you.
LOBBYIST: It- INTERVIEWER: You want to drink some? We have some here.
LOBBYIST: I'd be happy to, actually. Not- not really, but-
[Off-camera] Not really? LOBBYIST: I know it wouldn't hurt me.
[Off-camera] If you say so, I have some glyphosate- LOBBYIST: No no, I'm not stupid.
[Off-camera] Tell the truth, it's dangerous to- LOBBYIST: It's not dangerous to humans. No, it's not.
[Off-camera] So, are you ready to drink one glass of glyphosate? LOBBYIST: No, I'm not an idiot.
LOBBYIST: *Talking over the interviewer* Okay, then it's finished. Then the interview is finished.
INTERVIEWER: (sarcasm) It's a, it's a good way to solve things. LOBBYIST: Yeah.
LOBBYIST: You're a complete jerk.
What a fuckin' idiot. Don't fuckin' do that.
If someone's gonna call you out on your bullshit, then fuckin' drink the water.
You gotta commit fully to being an asshole, or you're just even more of a douchebag.
Didn't cringe though. Guy's a fuckin' idiot.
MAN: See, I'm going around and trying to make people's Monday better. Will you guys give me a chance?
LADY: *Hesitantly* Uh, sure. MAN: Alright. You guys, you guys better enjoy this show, alright?
MAN: I'm trying really hard to do this, okay? LADY: Okay...
MAN: It's a good- good lighting?
[Both ladies giggle]
MAN: What do you guys think? Does that make it better? ...Somewhat?
LADY: Okay...? *Laughs* Sure? MAN: Wow, this is awkward, isn't it?
MAN: It didn't help at all?
MAN: It helped a little bit, right? LADY: Did it help YOUR Monday?
MAN: MY Monday? Just meeting two beautiful girls, of course it helped my Monday.
MAN: I'm just going around campus and trying to make girls' Mondays better.
*Giggle* LADY: You've accomplished it.
MAN: Already? I didn't even do what I was gonna do yet! You guys wanna-
You-you think if I drink this whole container, it'll kill me?
Not cringey at all. Not cringey.
That was perfectly normal and socially acceptable behavior.
[Pet of the Week with Christine Bellport] CHRISTINE: Oh my gosh, I got her!
CHRISTINE: Okay Charlie, I'm gonna sit here and just hang out with my new best friend, Bettina.
CHARLIE SHORTINO: Really? CHRISTINE: -to weather. Oh, yeah!
CHARLIE: I think you should- you two should get a uh,
CHARLIE: you know, a hotel room or somethin'. That's a lot of, a lot of action going on over there.
CHRISTINE: *giggles* Oh, Charlie!
CHARLIE: Probably the most action you've had in months, huh?
*Awkward laugh*
CHARLIE: Let's take a look at the weather forecast *dissolves into laughter*
*Laughs* Oh, well I crack myself up if I don't crack anyone else.
Sixty-nine degrees, um... for today, sixty-nine degrees, the expected high temperatures as you can see-
[Off-camera man] I love that color, that's such a happy, beautiful, rich-
WOMAN: It almost kind of looks like what the Earth looks like when you're a bazillion miles away from the planet Moon?
MAN: Yes! Yes, I just squinted at it and you're right. WOMAN: The planet, Moon. From THE moon looking back-
MAN: From the planet Moon, from the planet Moon. WOMAN: at the earth. ...Isn't the Moon a star?
MAN: The pl- No, the Moon is a planet, darling.
WOMAN: The Sun is a star. IS the Moon really a planet?
MAN: (patronizing) The MOON is a planet, honey.... it's a- it's a planet! Lady: Don't look at me like that, the Sun is a star. Is the Sun not a star?
MAN: I don't know what the Sun is, we don't know what the Sun is. WOMAN: The Sun is a star, isn't it?
BOTH: The Sun is a star.
WOMAN: The Moon is not a planet- I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! MAN: The Moon is a planet!
WOMAN: You were trying to take me down that road, it's NOT a planet! MAN: Excuse me? No! Wait, excuse me, chunky?
MAN: If you're listening to me, you have to Google the Moon, okay?
WOMAN: I guarantee someone's Googling right now. Because I knew it was not a planet! The Moon is not a planet! MAN: The Moon is such a planet, I can't even stand it.
MAN: What else is it if it's not a planet? WOMAN: It is not! I believe it's a star! Ooor something!
MAN: It's a Moon. It's a Moon. WOMAN: It is not a-
WOMAN: Didn't you do that thing in grade school where you had to name the planets and there was Uranus?
WOMAN: Um, the Moon is what? MAN: It's a satellite.
MAN: A s- na- a natural satellite.
MAN: A s- na- a natural satellite. WOMAN: The moon is a natural satellite?
WOMAN: ...What's that mean? MAN: But things live on it, that means it's a planet.
MAN: I don't know... LADY: Is that what Google said?
MAN: I don't know what it says. Me neither. LADY: No, I don't like that at all, I don't even know what that means.
Mark: A satellite is anything that orbits a planetoid.
Oh no.
Attention, attention everybody.
I just wanna ask you, how excited are you for the very first Vainglory World Tournament?
[A few scattered cheers]
SPEAKER: Yeah!
Woo!
(off-mic) There you go!
The crowd is on fire, as you can... see.
Ugh, that was...
...oh no
STREAMER: No!
Ohh, my pussy is getting stretched!
I did kill him though.
Okay, for context 'cause I didn't say what this video was.
This is a League streamer.
With his mom.
During a very, uh, strenuous game.
'Ohh, my pussy is getting stretched!'
Ok, I'm pretty sure I lost this challenge before... but I think this one takes the cake.
This one's called... uh... "This cringeworthy MLS chant makes us wish football was never invented"
*Passionate shouting* FIGHT!
AND WIN!
Crowd: FIGHT! AND WIN!
[Off-camera] Nice one, dude.
COME ON, SEATTLE!
Crowd: COME ON, SEATTLE!
FIGHT! AND WIN!
Crowd: FIGHT! AND WIN!
Mark: I'm scared.
COME ON, SEATTLE!
Crowd: COME ON, SEATTLE!
Mark: I'm so scared right now.
COME ON, SEATTLE!
Crowd: COME ON, SEATTLE!
Mark: I feel like I'm witnessing the birth of a dictator. You can see the power that he feels.
-AND WIN!
Crowd: FIGHT! AND WIN!
Mark: You can see, he's loving it. He's channeling--oh boy
[Singing] Seattle Sounders, here we go! *Two claps*
♫ Here we go! *Two claps* Here we go! ♫
♫ Ole ole! Ole ole! Seattle Sounders, here we go! ♫
Oh boy... oh wow.
We witnessed someone in the midst of going MAD with power.
You can see, in his eyes, after he said it every single time!
You could see, in his eyes, the POWER just INFUSING in his mind!
[Singing to a pop beat] ♪ We've got all kinds of produce for you to take home ♪
♪ Like squash, pears and tomatoes that are locally grown! ♪
♪ Our market's got you covered with burgers and rib-eyes ♪
♪ Seafood's more your style, there's lots you can try ♪
♪ If cheese is your passion, our selection is for real ♪
♪ We even have cheddar and seventy-five pound wheels! ♪
♪ Live Fresh every day! From common foods to gourmet! ♪
♪ Live Fresh every day! Freshies and goodies will make it your way! ♪
♪ Live Fresh every day!- ♪
♪ You've had a long day and don't feel like cooking ♪
♪ We have chef-prepared foods that are rather good-lookin'! ♪
♪If health and wellness are important to you, ♪
♪ We have vitamins, protein bars and organic shampoo ♪
Mark: I can't keep dancing because I'm starting to feel sick.
I'm starting to feel sick from these sick beats.
These sick, delicious beats.
I don't see anything cringey about this.
[Record scratch]
[Rapping] Let's break it down 'cause we've got a lot to see (Yeah!)
♪ Like fresh tortillas and fresh pastries ♪
♪ Please tell me what could be more exciting ♪
♪ Than motion-sensored refrigerator lighting (What?) ♪
♪ We got a coffee bar and the scent is pretty sweet ♪
♪ Can't go wrong with gelato when you need a cold treat ♪
You know, I, uh, I'm gonna have to do, I'm gonna have to do a, a tactical withdrawal from this video, cause,
i-I was just praising--- OH IT'S BACK!
-but our people are better! ♪
♪ You can work here and still be a trend setter ♪
♪ Earrings! Goatee! Pink hair! Tattoos! ♪
♪ FRESH is a place where you can be you! ♪
Mark: I-I-It took a dip. It took a dip in the middle of that, but you know what? It brought it back.
It brought it back! And that's what's important. That's what matters.
It brought it back and it did good. And I'm proud of that. And they should be too.
Ugh, I don't feel well.
So anyway... I'm pretty tired... Oddly enough, that dancing kinda wiped me out.
It wasn't very involved but I think I'm going to go take a nap.
So, thank you everybody, so much for watching.
Hope you enjoyed this Try Not to Cringe challenge.
I lost. A lot. And then YOU lost. A lot.
Cause you were watching these videos. And you saw our video from yesterday, which is already more cringey than any of the videos in here.
So thank you everybody so much for watching.
I'm not talking about the 12 Days of Christmas video. I'm talking about the other-the other-the other video:
I Want to Believe, Part II: The Believening
So um,
Thank you everybody so much for watching, and thank you everybody so much for cringing.
And as always, I will see YOU. In the next video. Bye-bye!