- I mean you such a (bleep) with titties
that Punkie want to date you.
(laughing) (sucking noises)
(hip hop music)
- [Announcer] This is Crack Me Up,
the show where two comedians battle
to see who has the best jokes in the school yard.
The goal is to make whoever
is in the hot seat laugh the most.
(laughing) (bell dings)
The catch is, the hot seat would
try their hardest not to crack.
(laughing)
(bell ringing) Round one is a tit-for-tat
style speed run.
The comedians will have 90 seconds to go joke for joke,
each laugh gets a point, most points wins the round.
Got it, let's go.
- Stop piggybacking. - How old are you?
- (mumbles) - Oh yeah it's over,
I can't keep hugging you, you 19.
(laughing)
My fault, you 19, I'm sorry I can't do that no more.
- This age thing is really messing with me,
I can't lie, like, you 19,
but your nose is 47, (chuckles)
and I can't get down (bell dings)
with you like that, bruh.
You'll smell everything. (laughs)
- This relationship's over,
'cause you keep putting razors in our potato salad.
(laughing) (bell dings)
- Salute?
(bleep) I said salute. (laughing)
See that's why we got to break up, you don't (bleep) listen.
I told you to salute, (bleep).
(laughing) - I thought it was something--
I was waiting too, I'm like come, let's get it, Punkie.
You know, me--
- Nevermind, you all always breakin' up.
- Huh?
- See, this game is called breakin' up.
You see her edges?
You see 'em? - Mmhm.
- I don't, that's why I asked you first.
But listen, this is what I was--
(laughing)
(bell dings)
(hip hop music)
- [Announcer] In this round each comedian
has 60 uninterrupted seconds to tell their best jokes.
Each laugh gets a point, most points wins the round.
- Go, Killer. - Mmhm, mmhm.
See, - Talk to him.
- Punkie, you funky.
- Facts. (sniffing)
- I would never get in your drawls.
And Conceited how you pick somebody
with a (bleep) bigger than yours?
- Mmm, early. (laughing)
- (sucks teeth) Man. - In and out.
- [Conceited] Weak.
- Where you from,
New Orleans, baby? - Baby.
- So that means you straight out the mud.
Two light skinned dudes same height same complexion, same--
I don't even know which one is the stud.
Matter fact, pardon me miss, I'll get back to her,
I'm smackin' ya, taking your blood like Dracula,
and you the size of a toy.
I see Punkie brought her strap with her.
- The strap. (bell dings)
(laughing)
- If it went over your head... (laughing)
Slow it down! - Hol' on, hol' on,
hol' on, hol' on.
See this is really sad, this gon' get really bad.
How you shaped like Spongebob,
but your bikini bottoms got Mr. Crabs.
- Whoa! - Damn, early!
- And now we just going to go to you.
I hate you. (laughing)
(bell dings)
- Damn, that was a lot of passion in that.
- I should just slay you.
I mean, you such a (bleep) with titties
that Punkie want to date you.
- Hey! (sucking noises) (laughing)
(bell dings)
- Oh, Mr. ad-lib?
- Now Punkie going to body!
- Man Theresa, you a Rugrat and a brat,
I wouldn't (bleep) with you if you used filters on Snapchat.
I tried to (bleep) you last night,
but my strap ran back to my backpack.
- [Group] Ooh!
And you, you just got a fat back.
(bell dings)
I would say fat one time but damn that (bleep) is fat, fat.
(bell dings) (laughing)
When you got to McDonald's you are a number one,
a number two, a number three,
and a number four with a snapback.
(laughing) (bell dings)
And that's facts.
- And now we going to end it,
'cause this is really fine,
in our classroom give it up for the hood-rat
Tekashi 6ix9ine.
(laughing) (school bell ringing)
(hip hop music) (bell dings)
- [Announcer] The third and final round is called Word Play.
In this round, each comedian will riff off
the words they pull from the hat.
Most laughs not only win the round, but the game.
- Asian.
Asian.
- Thank you for not laughing.
(gasps)
(laughing) (bell dings)
Got him!
Ha, I knew that one was going to catch him!
♪ Victorious ♪
♪ Vic, vic, vic, victorious ♪
You heard of victorious?
Give it up for Notorious... (chuckles)
Big, Big. (laughing)
(buzzes)
- That dude...
(laughing)
- You can laugh, that's funny,
- That dude. (laughing)
- That dude. - That dude.
- Try to be you all. - Know you can't read
like that, you got to get one at--
- Soliquo--
Soli-- (bleep) What's this (bleep).
- Soliloquy. (laughing)
- Soliloquy?
You know I would date you,
if you wasn't soliloquy. (laughs)
(buzzes)
You got to laugh at yourself sometimes. (laughing)
I need this minute to fly,
I'm getting defeated. (laughing)
- Straight. (laughing)
The words just keep coming for her.
Look, think I'm lyin', what that say?
That dude aint... - (bleep) man. (laughing)
Bruh. (bell dings)
The universe is coming for me.
- I swear, I swear! (school bell ringing)
- [Announcer] And the winner is Charlie Clips.
- You know, and momma told me that life--
- He said life?
Shut the (bleep) up!
- They hatin' on me, especially this little bastard!
- I'ma take this L like a true boss,
and I'ma just congratulate my man, Charlie.
- Oh, that's what I'm talkin' about.
- All right, all right, Mike Jones.
(laughing)