Dan: Hello Internet. Phil: Hey guys.
Dan: We've got something pretty cool for you today,
Phil: Yes.
Phil: We have discovered technology that can send us through YouTube inside your minds.
Dan: That is right but, for it to work you need to watch this video using HEADPHONES
Phil: Yeah, so if you don't have any pause this now, go grab some headphones and sit somewhere quiet.
Phil: We'll just give you a moment.
Dan: Um... What are you doing, Phil?
Phil: The pausing moment?
Dan: Oh, alright, yeah, *clears throat*
Dan: Unpause!
Dan: All head phone-ed up? Nice!
Phil: And one more thing... You have to close your eyes.
Dan: So...we are going to blindfold you, (Phil: Yep) and after we count down from three, you have to close your eyes and keep them closed the whole time, okay?
Phil: Okay, you ready?
Both: 3, 2, 1...
*machine sound*
Dan: Welcome! To the Dan & Phil 3D audio book trailer!
[Dan laughs]
[Party horn noise]
Dan: Oh, sorry, was that a bit close to your face?
Dan: Um... Phil? Phil, what are you doing over there?
Phil: Just blowing up some balloons for decoration!
Dan: Uh ha, um Phil they're blindfolded?!
*steps*
Phil: Oh, yeah!
[Balloon deflates in ear]
Phil: Oops.... sorry!
Dan: [muttering] Yes, sorry about that!
Phil: Let's just begin the initiation ceremony...
Dan: Yes, okay, if you want to spend some quality time with Dan & Phil, you need to look the part.
Dan: Phil! *snaps fingers* Pass me that Sharpie.
Phil: Okay.
Dan: Just, one sec...
Phil: Here you go Dan: Thank you..
*uncaps sharpie*
Dan: Right, which side do you want?
Dan: Left, or right?
Phil: Euh, I think I'm going to go over here.
Dan: Really? Okay. Ahem. Right. I'll take this side!
Phil: Here we go.
Dan: Okay, I'll go first. Whisker one, [sharpie sound]
Dan: whisker two, [sharpie sound]
Dan: and whisker three! [sharpie sound]
Phil: Alright, my turn! Whisker!
[Sharpie noise]
Phil: Whisker! [sharpie sound]
Phil: Whisker! [sharpie sound] Oh, I'm very close
to you right now, I hope this isn't invasive.
Dan: Well, I think we're definitely in their personal bubble, Phil.
Dan: Wait, um.. Can you smell my breath?
[Exhales]
Phil: Ooh! Minty!
Dan: *laughs* Thanks, Phil!
Phil: Hey! Wouldn't you be freaking out if someone did this to you, Dan? Dan: Hm?
Phil: I mean, you hate people getting REALLY close to your ears... and neck.
Dan: Yeah, something about whispering in ears. I just find it really invasive.
Dan: [whispers] You know... Kinda like this.
Dan: [Continues whispering] Isn't it just the worst when you can hear all of the mouth noises?
[Phil: Salivating, lip smacking noises]
Dan: PHIL! Phil: Sorry!
Dan: Okay, now to add the nose..
*sharpie noises*
Phil: And... you're done!
Dan: Right, I think we should calm things down a bit. Let's set the mood. *snaps fingers*
Phil: Alright, I'll get my candle. [footsteps]
*Lights a match*
[Flame crackles as Phil lights the candle]
Phil: Ooh! It's my favorite scent: Otter Musk
Dan: Right. Okay, I'll play some music. [footsteps]
Dan: [very softly] One second...
[sexy music plays]
[Dan murmurs in approval]
Phil: What kind of mood is this supposed to be, Dan?
Dan: Oh, ah. This is a bit weird isn't it? Phil: Yeah!
Dan: Okay, you're right! You're right! Sorry! Sorry!
[Techno music starts playing]
Phil: That's better! Dan: Er, yeah
Dan: So! [nervous chuckle] Let's tell you about our audiobook.
Phil: Yes! If you guys enjoyed The Amazing Book is Not On Fire,
Phil: or if you just love audio books, then this is the thing for you!
Dan: Mhm!
Phil: Not only do you get us sensually reading it in your ears
Dan: BUT there is loads of...
Dan: Behind the scenes commentary on this book and irrelevant banter
Dan: Just like this
[beep]
Both: Welcome to the Amazing Book is Not on Fire!
Dan: Wait..Shouldn't it be The Amazing "audiobook".....is Not On Fire?
Phil: Yeah, it probably should be.
Dan: Should we do that again or should we just-
Phil: Let-Let's just keep going.
[beep]
Phil: [deep voice] And this...
[Beep]
Phil: Baby Dan is in the picture on the right. Looks like a little gremlin wrapped in a towel.
Dan: Woah, woah, woah. (Phil: A halo of a towel) Did you just call me at three minutes old a gremlin?
Phil: Like a little Ewok! Dan: Dude
Phil: An Ewok gremlin.
Dan: Woah, stop!
Phil: And then your mum looks proud..even though-
Dan: Even though she's given birth to an Ewok.
Phil: She's been cut up like a side of beef.
Dan: Yeah, thank you Phil.
Dan: Thank you mum.
[beep]
Dan: And this...
[Beep]
Dan: Phil's chat logs.
Phil: Dan you should totally do the voices for my northern friends.
Dan: Tha-That's a terrible idea. I-I don't think we-is-is that happening?
Phil: It's happening!
Dan: [Worried] Okay...
Phil: Phil and Rachel...
[notification]
Phil: My mum says there's a ghost in the apartment.
[In a bad attempt at an Northern accent] Dan: When ya shiver it's a ghost ticklin' ya ass bones.
Phil: [Laughing] I was not expecting that voice....to come out of you.
[beep]
Phil: It's an amazing bonus experience for any one who enjoyed the book.
Dan: Plus who doesn't want 180 minutes of Dan and Phil joking around inside their ears?
Phil: It's available now from iTunes and other audio book websites and there are links below in the description.
Dan: And there we go!
[Sound of flame being made, then catching something on fire]
Phil: Oh my god, Dan!
Dan: What?
Phil: The candle's set fire to the curtains!
Dan: [Yelling] Oh my god!
Phil: [screaming]
Phil: [Still yelling] What do we do? What do we do? Dan: I-I don't know?
D: Oh my god- Okay cover the flames so it has no oxygen!
Dan: Here use this towel!
P: Okay!
[sequence of flapping noises]
Phil: Aaah, it's not working!
Dan: No Phil! Smother it! You're just fanning the flames!
Phil: I'm trying!
Dan: Oh my go- Right. that's it, I'm hitting the sprinklers!
[Walks to other side of room and turns on sprinklers]
[Woosh of water pouring out of sprinklers as fire alarms blare in the background]
Phil: Aaah It's so cold!
[fire alarm]
Phil: Why did you do that?
Dan: Uhh so we didn't die in a fire?
Phil: Yeah, okay.
Dan: [scoffs]
Phil: You were almost.....Dan IS on fire..
Dan: Phil. The only thing that could possibly make this situation worse is terrible puns.
Phil: Well look at this mess! I'm sorry we soaked you.
Dan: Mmm? Oh yeah, sorry uh..here.. let me- let me dry you off.
[Muffled sounds of a towel]
[Dan humming a tune while drying you off]
Phil:[Muffled] Uh, Dan I don't think they're appreciating that.
Dan: Hmm?
Phil: Uh, here. I'll use the hair dryer.
[Hair dryer whirrs noisily in ears]
Dan: There you go! [hair dryer continues]
Phil: And done.....
Phil: Well,
Dan: Uhm,
Phil: There we go!
Dan: I- I'm so sorry about all of that.
Phil: We hope you enjoy our audio book!
Dan: Really Phil? Do you think they'll want more after that?
Phil: I promise there's no water, fire, or [whispers] nonconsensual ear whispering!
Dan: Okay, that I can promise you.
Phil: Should we take their blind fold off?
Dan: [sighs] I suppose....okay.
[ruffling]
Dan: Right. You can open your eyes in...
Both: Three...two...one..
Phil: Ugh
Phil: I'm so moist! [Dan coughs]
Dan: Phil?!
Dan: Really? Phil: Sorry.
Phil: Thanks for listening to our audiobook trailer.
Dan: I knew this was a bad idea...
Phil: Yeah, if you want to get it, you can search "The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire" audiobook or click one of the links in the description.
Dan: I promise, it will be less invasive, and dangerous, and terrible than this was.
Phil: Yes, uh,
Phil: We should go get dry.
Dan: Okay.
Both: Bye!
[Explosion]