-If you guys wouldn't mind, I would just like to write out
my weekly Thank You Notes right now.
Is that cool with you guys?
[ Cheers and applause ]
You guys are the best.
You guys are much better than Thursday's audience.
[ Laughter ]
James -- [ Laughter continues ]
James, can I get some Thank You Note-writing music, please?
[ Soft piano playing ]
-Wow. -He wore that on Thursday.
-Yeah. -We wore the same outfit
on Thursday. -Why would he wear
the same outfit on Thursday? Is he on a budget?
[ Laughter ]
A little Easter egg for you.
[ Soft piano playing ]
-Thank you, Omarosa, for claiming that President Trump
drinks at least eight cans of Diet Coke a day, which raises
the question, just how many is Rudy Guiliani drinking?
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
[ Soft piano playing ]
Thank you, champagne corks, for letting me kick off
every celebration by risking the lives of everyone around me.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-My eye!
[ Applause ]
[ Soft piano playing ]
-Thank you, Pillsbury Doughboy, for being the only time I trust
a guy with my food who is totally nude from the neck down.
[ Applause ]
-Poke him. Go ahead, poke him.
[ Giggling ]
-Why is your voice so deep?
-Poke me. -What?
-Poke me. -Stop saying it like that.
-Just poke me! -Stop saying it like that!
-Got buns in my oven. -I want a cute --
-[ Giggling ]
-I didn't even poke you. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
[ Soft piano playing ]
-Thank you, traffic circles.
I'm going to be honest, I have no clue how you work,
so I'm just going to keep driving and hope for the best.
It's like, I don't know --
[ Applause ]
Don't hit me, don't hit me, don't hit me, don't hit me,
don't hit me, don't hit me.
[ Soft piano playing ]
Thank you, bug spray, for sort of keeping bugs away
and definitely keeping humans away, because I smell like
a chemical explosion.
[ Applause ]
[ Soft piano playing ]
Thank you, people who shop for gifts at the airport.
It's nice to know you thought of me somewhere between
the TSA line and Chili's 2.
[ Applause ]
[ Soft piano playing ]
Thank you, phone chargers, for being available
in two lengths,: 6 inches too short or 40 feet too long.
It's like, come on.
[ Applause ]
Coffee table! Come on, figure it out, folks.
-Is that's the last one? -What's that?
[ Laughter ]
-Is that the last Thank You Note?
-That is the last for tonight, yeah.
-[ Laughs ] -It's the last.
-That's the last one for tonight, all right.
I just wanted to know. Wanted to make sure.
Didn't want to rush you.
Yeah, -don't rush me. I appreciate it.
-Just wanted to make sure you had plenty of time.
Just so you'd enjoy yourself.
[ Laughter ] -So you want me to enjoy myself?
-I just wanted to make sure that you -- you know,
'cause they're emotional. They're from you.
And you write them as we speak. -Guys, this is the final
Thank You Note.
[ Audience awws ]
The final Thank You Note
♪♪ The final Thank You Note, I will write it here ♪♪
♪♪ I'll lick it there ♪♪
♪♪ I'll send it anywhere ♪♪
♪♪ Because I care ♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Just kidding.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪ I still ♪♪
♪♪ Care ♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪♪
♪♪ Oh, whoa ♪♪ -♪♪ Still care ♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Whoo!
[ Soft piano playing ]
-Thank you, accidentally trying to twist open a bottle
that isn't twist-off.
It's okay, I didn't need that finger-skin anyway.
There you are, everybody. Those are my Thank You Notes!