you've been unfairly wronged by a brother mm-hmm objectively hmm you
aren't getting the full apology that you expected the beef is over now and he
treats you well but how do you psychologically reframe and kill that
lingering resentment unfairly wrong to hood by a brother interesting brothers
don't wrong brothers we'll start with that so this dude wasn't actually a bro
a brother met him in umbrella but he wasn't a brother you make a little
distinction there has that distinction ever been made before I don't think on
this platform I'm making it cool there's like hey this guy's my bro it's all good
and then there's like this guy's my brother my brother is not gonna wronged
me my bro might but my brother's not gonna wronged me so that he so if it
happens some guy like I said if somebody that you consider your brother wrong
even that they'd clearly you you overestimated their really commitment so
here's what's gonna happen to me number one it's noted noted that's my that's my
ultimate that's my ultimate satisfaction right when I note when it's it when I
note something yeah oh it's like oh this is the kind of kind
of person he is noted right now I got him now I got this person marked so
Trust is not gonna be reestablished for a long long time if ever mm-hm
right I'm not gonna like this person clearly but here's the deal all that
mistrust and all that dislike and all that is gonna be internal I'm gonna keep
it inside because you know what I'm gonna have those inside I'm gonna harbor
that I'm gonna harbor those things even this resentment I'm gonna harbor it cuz
I can't I can't just make it go away you you you wronged me it's gonna be there
yeah but you know what I'm a professional externally I'm a
professional even if we're not a business or even if it just like hair I
I trained you just do it right I'm a professional so I'm not
gonna let his little maneuvers get me externally worked up about it it's not
happening you don't get control my emotions like that external you might
control them inside but I won't let you see that ever so I'm a professional I'm
a normal face that's where I'm coming at you from just a normal face Hey all good
oh yeah and you know what's interesting this behavior so when you screw me over
and then I just go okay check noted and then I don't give you a reason to like
hate me and then you kind of owe me yeah you know what I mean
so there's that and there's a there's a fine line like if you screw me over
and then I just allow it to happen and it was a it was a legitimate violation
well then there might be have to be repercussions right it sounds like this
did not warrant repercussions mmm because you know there's certain
situations if somebody wrongs you in certain ways there has to be
repercussions to me normally most of the time the repercussions and the best
revenge that you can take is is to ignore now perform and be successful and
rock on and forget about them and forget they even exist it that to me is the
best possible way to go because why would you let somebody interfere why
would you commit any time effort resources to revenge when I would the
better thing to do is commit those time resources to energy to success to
winning yeah I'm gonna do that but if this merits some sort of repercussions
okay then those get carried out and if those get carried out well then we're
kind of settled but he says you didn't get the full apology you expected it
sack okay hey guess what people are arrogant yeah
that's the way it is they don't think the guy didn't you think he did anything
wrong most likely he's not even apologizing for it barely so that's what
I do I'm just gonna keep it professional I'm gonna you're gonna be subconsciously
indebted to me whether you know it or not yeah
you probably know it you'll probably feel it because I'm just gonna okay cool
yeah we'll move on but man you know the thing is this is sort of goes back to
that other kind of topic today like this guy isn't going around thinking about
you yeah so why are you thinking about him let's move on man let's move forward
and it seems like a big part of it right like that it seems like he was he says
you aren't you aren't getting the full apology you know like remember on that
Seinfeld that apology dude I was talking to someone I was talking to someone like
a bloody apology I was talking to someone that we both know whose will say
up a public figure and this individual was reading YouTube comments and getting
legitimately like emotionally distraught oh yeah and was was trying to talk to me
about it and like I said man I literally do not care like I do not care like this
is no factor you don't need to warn me you don't need to tell me you know what
I need to look out for like I literally don't care yeah I mean if someone writes
a good YouTube comment good it's funny that's great if they write in a mean one
cool I find I think those are funny too yeah I'm not I'm not worried about it
the person that wrote the youtube comment isn't thinking about me yeah you
know they're not try they're not they're not reviewing it again yeah and writing
it again and and you know like they don't care I'm not getting all caught up
in this stuff don't caught up in these petty things you know I did that we
talked about this on the podcast of the black belt the black belt doesn't care
about things that don't matter you can grab the the black belts shoulder of his
gay and he's doesn't care because he knows that doesn't mean anything there's
no there's no that's no factor so you wanna that's that's what you want to do
you wanna you don't want to care about things that don't matter you don't
invest your time and energy things no matter the guy wrong do you cool noted
you know that he's kind of a kind of a a devious dude you know that it's noted
cool move on yeah no I'm not worried about it am I gonna put my trust in him
again no but that's cool cuz I know other
people to trust yeah let's not get wrapped around these little things man
let's let's let's let's let's let's rise above and get some black flag going here
let's rise above I still wonder what kind of polish quality cut you off so
sorry but yeah and I is the Saint felt thing it didn't matter the but I'm
wondering one at the same time what you saying I agree but mm-hmm I do wonder
what kind of apology he got you know cuz he didn't get the full apology
yeah partial yeah so what partial apology that can come in many forms yeah
it's probably the most common form of a partial apology has a butt on it yes
yeah I'm sorry you know I'm sorry we need to swing by and pick the other two
up the other night but I just didn't even know that you wanted to come yeah
yeah kind of like it was my fault I'm sorry but yeah it was partially your
fault kind of thing and then there's the other one that's like I'm sorry you felt
that way you know you know that one's worth like hey I'm sorry you felt that
that I was attacking you you know but you know I didn't mean to kind of thing
where it's kind of like hey you're because the person doesn't want an
apology for necessarily the actual words you said it was it was like what you did
mm-hm like you attacked me with whatever you said you know kind of thing so you
can't just say hey I can't I'm sorry that's funny is it I start I'm sorry
that you felt that way yeah you know that is a pretty backhanded sort of yeah
same thing but the but well the one you say but I'm sorry but you know I didn't
that's kind of like I'm sorry but I'm not fully like yeah that's the same are
you saying with extreme ownership yeah that's when people say you know look I'm
in charge of the team and this was definitely I'm in charge of team when
I'm in charge didn't didn't when things go wrong it's my fault but I'll tell you
what sorry yeah sorry yeah and my way from time to time we'll where are no
excuses yeah there's nobody think about it when you get somebody that actually
believes in extreme ownership there is their little butts on anything that they
say and strangely I mean kind of I guess coincidentally I Ryan and I are little
daughter who will not allow you to make an excuse you know their old daughter
yeah she will call you if you throw a butt or you say well I
didn't know when we had to be there oh so you're not taking ownership yeah yes
yeah totally makes sense and if you it's
strangely like if you do it without the but you know when you do it this
full-speed even if in your head you believe but I mean let's face it man you
had it coming to you kind of did yeah just keep it because that's not what
you're doing when you apologize that's that's separate from the apology you
know it's like you're including this stuff unwarranted stuff with your
apology don't do that give a good apology in order is the worst thing is
is it's so obvious and it makes everyone so mad oh yeah the receiving end of that
is so mad and you think that it's you think that it's improving your position
yeah cuz I look I would look hey echo I'm really sorry that you showed up to
record and I wasn't there and I didn't let you know but yeah but I didn't
really I didn't remember texting you or whatever like like but you know you
should have told me that you were heading that's the last of whatever yeah
but you should have told me that we were definitely recording cuz you didn't
really get back to me yeah like why would I say that yeah all's I'm doing is
you know it's the funniest people always treat me with a sports coach they tweet
me when a sports coach either takes ownership or doesn't over yes not
overtly cuz some guys some sports coach to say hey look I'm the coach I've made
some bad calls out there we're gonna get back in the drawing room I'm gonna get
this thing fixed and if it goes man this guy's awesome it's just so funny
everyone says this guy is awesome he's taking ownership even people that aren't
even people will retweet something that they people aren't saying he's taking
extreme ownership so I want to say oh it's good to see a coach taking full
responsibility or whatever they'll use their own word for it and then some
other knucklehead look will will say you know um I am the coach and I am
responsible for the team but if I got players that aren't gonna put out or in
the first quarter but yeah you know you gotta carry out totally embarrassing for
and everyone says hey you might want to learn how to take ownership yeah and
that's where people so it's so obvious and yet we still do it and they still
throw out the butts we still want to clarify our position yeah don't clarify
your position say sorry take on that's it my wife will watch these uh
nobody called it the housewives one not the show like the reality show ones you
know the whatever Housewives of where and men riddled I think that's why she
watches it just to see the trainwreck I think that's what I think is my
suspicion but men yeah they're all arguing with each other and then you
know they're crying and then the one will say they're just they'll say the
perfect example of the non-apology you know every single time yeah man it's
like it hurts your heart to watch but you kind of like and you kind of date
right I wonder I wonder if this is because this is what happened with this
guy just I just figured it out right now I really don't know but this is what I
think okay theoretically yes there was a girl by relationship there was a what a
girl by relationship okay you know boyfriend-girlfriend scenario you know
maybe this guy got drunk the bro the brother bro whatever got drunk maybe hit
on the girl maybe something happened maybe something did it oh and then it
was like hey sorry about what I did with Christine last night I was super
hammered yes but I was super hammered yeah exactly right and that's the big
one that's a big but in the apology you know but you know we all had I remember
some once that time someone did I won't go into it doesn't matter but it's a big
one yeah it's a big deal or it's a big common one were wronged by a brother but
no it was my like parents friend okay it's lady and she like she was talking
she was talking shit about my mom to my dad uh-huh and I was there they're
hammered or whatever like some you know things and she's like totally talking
she's like we're gonna talk about this I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it so I'm
like whenever I'm like a TI maybe 15 16 years old maybe
maybe 30 I don't know whatever but you know a teenager I wasn't like a
three-year-old you know so I heard and I knew what she was talking about it was
rude whose uncoolest son sat mm-hmm as we say and some like cool all right go
home eight I tell my mom straight up so I was like oh okay you know tells my dad
blahblah my dad tells the lady and the lady of course is all like oh no you
know like I did this and you know so she comes to me and she says sorry right
like sorry for this or we hadn't you know we had a lot to drink
or whatever and all this stuff and I remember feeling that like how is like
how does this make it better you know when you're like but we had so I'm
thinking there and I didn't know anything about drinking I don't know
what it made you sort of do I didn't really know at that time so to me I was
like wait so wait when you drink like you can do that kind of stuff or what
like what's the the deal and the the apology just basically bounced off me
like bullets off a Superman or something yeah you know I'll probably don't put
the butts on those things yes so that's what happened with this guy that's what
I think possible but it is his responsibility like you said to be like
hey I can't hold on to this thing you know like what do you say how do you
psychologically reframing and kill that lingering resentment thing is that it's
like a scar you have to - he's like keeping it a wound you're cuter than him
at it yeah and you got to be like that's just
a scar it's like sure our relationship is different now just guard now deal but
man I got more important things to think about or do whatever yeah if you can
pull that off you be good move on