How to enjoy dating. Hey, it's Mark here from Make Him Yours and today, I'm sharing experiences
that a couple of clients have had that demonstrate how important mindset is. This is going to
be especially relevant to you if you have had some negative dating experiences recently.
Don't forget I've got a new guide out on how to sext a guy, so make sure you download that
and I'll see you on the other side of this.
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How to enjoy dating. All right, so today, I want to share with you a couple of clients'
stories that were almost identical in what actually happened, but these clients ended
up having two very different experiences, and I want to show you how that happened and
how mindset and fears relate to that and how they contribute to your dating experience.
So both of these clients, Kayla and Jen went online. They met a man and they spoke to him
for around a week in both cases they'd been on the phone with him, but interestingly they'd
only seen head shots of the guy. They hadn't seen a full body shot. And when they showed
up to the date, both clients got a surprise. The man they met who they had spoken to on
the phone but hadn't seen was let's say significantly overweight, certainly obese on a BMI scale
and it wasn't what they were expecting, but I had interesting phone calls with each of
these clients afterwards and they said two very different things.
I first spoke to Kayla and she got a surprise. She got a big surprise and it wasn't a good
one. When she saw that this man was so overweight, and that it wasn't someone that she was physically
attracted to, she called me up and she said, Mark, I don't want to do this dating thing
anymore. She said, I'm sick of lowering my standards. I don't want to date this caliber
of men. This is such a waste of time. I talked about what had happened with Kayla and overall
as you can imagine or probably appreciate, it was a pretty negatively geared conversation.
Interestingly though, the same thing happened to Jen about a week later. She got the exact
same surprise and an almost identical scenario. When I spoke to Jen though, she said some
quite different things to me. She said, I was surprised. It certainly wasn't what I
was expecting, but I'm here now. I may as well enjoy myself. She said it was interesting
seeing him relax around me. Jen said, I think he thought I was going to reject him straight
away, and over the course of the date, it was so interesting to see how his body language
opened up and how he relaxed and after 45 minutes he was a totally different, more open,
more friendly guy than what I met at the beginning. And she said it was fascinating hearing his
story. She actually had some, he actually had some really interesting things happen
to him in his life and it was great getting to know him, wouldn't see him as a future
partner, but I had a great time.
Two clients, two almost identical scenarios and two polar opposite experiences. To give
you a better idea of what happened here and to get to the point of the video, I want to
show you why Kayla had such a negative experience compared to Jen.
Why was she triggered by the exact same situation when Jen wasn't? There's a few fears that
Kayla was dealing with that Jen wasn't dealing with, and this is the reason they had such
different experiences. You might be able to relate to some of these and it might help
you realize why you're not enjoying dating and what you can work on if you do want to
enjoy dating as a process more. The first was fear of having to settle. Kayla came to
me as many of my clients do, single, wanting to meet someone, wanting to find the man that's
perfect for her, but deep down she has a fear that that man's not out there. Deep down,
she has a fear that she's not good enough. Deep down, she has a fear that she's going
to have to settle, and when she imagined settling, she imagines maybe someone who's much older
than her or someone that she's not attracted to at all or not physically attracted to at
all.
So when Kayla shows up for a date and sees the exact image, not even person, but image
of a person that she's scared of having to settle for, it triggers a whole bunch of fears
in her. Before the guy has even opened his mouth, Kayla's terrified because this is the
exact nightmare scenario of having to settle that she's ran through in her head so many
times. Jen was in a very different situation. Jen was out of a recent divorce and Jen was
excited to get out there and meet people. She didn't have a fear of having to settle
the way to Kayla did, so she had quite a different experience first up and her fear of having
to settle simply wasn't triggered. The second fear Kayla was struggling with was fear of
negative experiences and this is really common. Something I see in clients a lot and something
I worked through with clients a lot is if you've had these negative experiences or if
you've been disrespected or if you've met a lot of the wrong people who haven't treated
you well in dating or in relationships, and you then show up to a date and see someone
where you perceive that negative experience will repeat itself again, it becomes a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
Kayla was already having a bad time before this guy had even opened his mouth, whereas
Jen who hadn't had this background of negative experiences just kind of came in with curiosity.
She said, I wonder what this experience will be like, and it turned out she had a really
good time. And the third fear that Kayla was struggling with that I see in a lot of my
clients is a fear of wasting time. When you really want to meet someone, when you're committed
to that end goal, when you really, really just just want to find person, it can make
anyone who's not that person seem like a waste of time and I personally think that's really
sad. See when you're getting out there and meeting people and you're seeing every one
on the way as an obstacle, it's not really treating people like people. It's looking
at people and going, can this person deliver what I want or can they not? I had to be blunt
with Kayla. I had to say to her, look, you're showing up here to these dates going, what's
in it for me all the time? She's saying, is this someone I could marry? Is this someone
I could see myself with? If no, then it's a waste of time.
It's not really treating people for people. It's not asking how can I give to this situation
or what can I contribute to this situation or what can I learn from this person? It's
simply asking, what can I get out of this situation? This contributed to Kayla's negative
experience compared to Jen who was simply going, I'm going to get to know this guy for
him, and he warmed up and relaxed and was really able to be himself and probably had
a great experience with Jen because she had that attitude. I did this video because I
want you to be aware of these fears that can be contributing to you having a negative experience
in dating. I want you to have a great experience in dating. I want you to enjoy the process,
and if you're not, it's important that you understand why and know what you can do about
it.
You can either change your perspective, you can examine the fears, understand what they
are, understand why they're not serving you, and start to take on a mental perspective
more like Jen. Or you could change the way you're meeting men, so these fears aren't
as triggered. For example, you might want to get off online dating and focus on meeting
men in real life where situations like this are less likely to happen. Whatever it is,
I want you to be able to enjoy dating and that means understanding on a core level why
you're not enjoying it. It's not necessarily a matter of what happens to you. Jen and Kayla
proved that. It's a matter of what your perspective is on what happens to you.
Well, that's the video. Thank you for watching. Let me know your thoughts, comments, questions,
et cetera in the space below. I'd love to hear from you. So pop it all down in there.
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