Oh, Tom and Jerry.
Not rain nor snow nor a history littered with racially-insensitive missteps can deter the
cartoon violence of a cat and mouse.
And not even an absolute crap platformer, from those bastions of proto-shovelware Hi-Tech
Expressions, could stop the antics of Hanna-Barbera’s most recognizable duo this side of Space Ghost
and Zorak.
(Fred Flintsone might object to this statement, but he can shut up until he pays up the twenty
clams he owes me.
I’ve got a chowder to make.)
Tom and Jerry... wait, and Tuffy?
The hell is a Tuffy?
Someone needs to drop the Saved By The Bell font and explain to me, WHO THE HELL IS TUFFY?
A nephew?
Who does Jerry think he is, Scrooge McDuck?
At least that was a genuinely good game.
This?
Well, the second level takes place in a series of tubes, down which is flushed a blue substance
that may or may not be 2000 Flushes.
I’ll leave the rest for you to de-deuce.
If you tilt your head until your neck starts making funny noises, you might - MIGHT - liken
this “The House Is So Huge”-style platformer to a Rescue Rangers or a Little Nemo.
But don’t.
Your goal is to get to the “end,” which is usually the upper-rightmost point in the
level, in keeping with standard platformer tradition.
Between it and you are hostile nutcrackers, spiders, flies, snails, squirrels desperate
to share their nuts with you, and every third level, Tom himself, flicking marbles at you
or something.
That jerk.
Your primary weapon is a supply of... balls.
Blue balls, that arc downward and are a right pain to aim.
Occasionally you’ll come upon a... is that a saucepan?
Who the heck makes a mouse-sized saucepan?
Nothing here makes sense.
Even the audio is just the same track, looped over and over and over and over again, combined
with sound effects that make me all nostalgic for playing those crappy knock-off Mega Man
games on my old Tandy.That’s right, I said it: MY OLD TANDY.
It’s no secret that, if the game says “Hi-Tech Expressions” on it, chances are your soul
is already forfeit.
The best you can hope for is something inoffensive.
And, while there’s plenty of frustration to be had, the game isn’t actually broken
or defective, just... uninspired, derivative, and reliant on a license that was barely relevant
then and is even shakier now.
Y’know what?
Let Tuffy stay in the attic.
We’re just gonna forget about him anyway.
If you’re absolutely dead-set on playing this thing...
Eh.
Here’s an infinite-lives code.
You’re gonna need it just to deal with the sewage level.