- If you could go back to the first time we met,
what advice would you give yourself
regarding being in a relationship with me?
(Teresa chuckles)
That's a great question right there.
(cards shuffling)
(mouse clicks)
- Do your best impression of me dancing.
(groans)
Go, go, mm, yeah!
Oh! (laughs)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(laughs)
- That's you!
Mm, mm, mm.
No, it's not!
- You don't know what to do with your hands
like most of the time!
And then you do this.
- How about my legs?
- I can't show my legs, I'm wearing boxers.
- (laughs) Okay.
- [Zoe] What is the first thing we will do together
once we are out of this quarantine?
Can I answer?
- Okay, you can go first.
- I'm gonna tell you about it.
You're gonna pick me up,
we're gonna go to Starbucks.
Here.
- Yeah.
- In the one near me.
And we're gonna greet our favorite baristas
and ask them how they are.
- Yeah.
And then we're gonna get a-
- I miss them.
- A tall ...
I miss them too.
- That's like the lamest thing, but I just ...
I don't know, man.
That's the first thing that came into my head.
(chuckles)
- [Joaquin] When have you felt the closest to me
since we have been apart?
- I guess the night that you
had to decide what to do when you were exposed to,
you know.
I mean ...
Like, that night I was already thinking,
oh, what if you do have it?
What if you do have to go to the hospital later on?
- Yeah.
- Like everything is just so uncertain, you know?
I never thought ...
In a million years it would happen to you.
- That's true.
That was a pretty tough night.
- Yeah, you cried.
You never cry.
- Okay, yeah, I did.
'Cause it's, I mean ...
You know, what you said like ...
I never thought also that
I'd have to self-quarantine myself.
Self-quarantine myself,
I never thought I'd have to self-quarantine.
- You've been there for how many days already?
- Yeah, stuck in my room.
Would have been like ...
four days since I've been in my room.
- It just feels long.
I mean, we already haven't seen each other in so long, but-
- Yeah. It's like 51 ...
- That night was just ...
That night was just like explosive.
Scary. - Yeah.
- How do you think our relationship would have changed
if we had to spend our quarantine together?
- Ooh.
I think we would be a lot closer, for sure.
I mean, not closer but ...
It would be, we would be ...
A lot more ...
Intimate?
Like, you know, we'd be able to talk more.
You'd get sick of me.
(laughs) I'm kidding.
- 'Kay.
- Your turn.
- Um ...
I don't know, I feel like we were at a really good state
before all of this happened.
I mean ... I don't know,
we've been together for so long and it's ...
- Yeah.
- But it hasn't gone right.
Like, since recently.
I never told you that, but,
no offense to us, it hasn't been really good 'til now.
- Yeah.
- Which is ...
The worst time, I mean,
we could have worse problems but ...
- That's true.
- It just, it sucks. (chuckles dryly)
- Yeah.
- We were at such a good place ...
Ever, like, for the entire five years.
- Yeah.
- And it was getting so good,
and I know it's not like,
we have to pause everything or ...
Wait 'til everything's over,
I know it's nothing like that,
it's to adapt.
But then, it just, it's just hard not to think about
if ...
You know, everything was okay,
then we'd, maybe we'd be even better.
I don't know.
But, I'm thankful.
- That's true.
And we're also growing as a couple.
'Cause of this pandemic, which is ...
Blessing in disguise, I guess.
One of the few good things.
- I mean ... it's the best it can be now.
- Yeah. True.
What is your biggest fear right now
you haven't shared with me yet,
and how can I support you better?
- I think it's ...
That I'm trying to ...
Discover myself.
I mean, I'm afraid of telling you that.
And, you know, we've been together for ...
So long, and I've known you for so long.
- Yeah.
- And it's not that I don't, like,
I don't wanna be with you, it's not that, it's ...
It's that I feel that I can explore myself
so much more in so many different ways,
so many different places.
I'm afraid to tell you that, because,
a lot of the time,
a lot of your plans and a lot of your whatevers,
involves me.
I'm always there.
Every aspect of your life, you say,
"Oh you're here," or, "Oh, I didn't forget about you."
But this is like a part of me that I'm
trying to explore on my own.
- Yeah.
- And ... I don't know the details of it yet,
but I feel so empowered on my own.
Not that I don't need to be with you, you feel?
- Yeah, I get you.
- But, it's just ...
You're not even like, holding me down, it's just ...
There's so much I want to explore,
whether or not it's with you.
- Yeah.
- That's what I'm afraid of.
Telling you that.
- I really appreciate that.
I mean ...
I'm not like, put down, I mean, I'm happy for you that ...
You've gotten to that point where ...
I guess you can say you love yourself?
Or am I ... yeah.
And I understand, you know, self-discovery.
So ... it's great.
- I know you wouldn't, like, be unsupportive about it.
I'm just scared to tell you, but I know you're not.
I know you wouldn't have like, reacted harshly, no ...
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
If you could send me a message to my future self right now,
about this time of our lives,
what would you want to tell me?
- I'd say ...
Thanks for being so strong.
- That's nice.
I didn't expect that.
I would say ...
- Why didn't you shave?
(laughing)
- No, I would say ... I had it!
You ...
- Oh for real? I'm sorry.
(chuckles)
- I would say ...
What more could you need?
- In like a threatening way?
- No, I just, I feel like you have everything you need.
And ...
- Oh okay.
- I mean, that would make you feel nicer.
Us, like in the future.
Because obviously you'll have more by then.
But then, I just didn't want you to realize,
like right now ...
Every moment.
You have everything you need,
because it's right there already.
- That's really nice.
Yeah.
When was the last time you felt vulnerable with me
and what did you learn about yourself?
- The last time?
- Mhmm.
- Was when it was our anniversary last month.
And we were already in lockdown.
- Yeah.
- I cried to you and I ...
- Me too.
- I don't know if you saw me.
I was crying on video.
- I saw you.
- Yeah.
I was so vulnerable that night.
I was thinking to myself, yeah,
we could have it so much worse,
our situation could be so much worse but,
I felt like it was almost unfair.
Because again, like,
we've been together for so long and,
things only started working out recently.
- Yeah.
- Working out like real good, recently.
And just not being able to celebrate five years with you,
five years of really trying and finally being here.
- Hmm.
- And it sucks.
- Yeah, it does.
- How about you?
- When I found out that I had to be self-
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Quarantine.
'Cause, yeah, you said, I don't really cry,
last time I cried was our anniv also.
But, other than that I don't really cry that much.
So ...
Just trying to like, hold it in,
and then eventually, like, crying,
being vulnerable with you,
that was ... it meant a lot.
And I was really tryna hold it there,
I was drinking water tryna ...
Not show that I was crying but,
I ended up crying.
I learned that ...
I don't ... have to be afraid to be vulnerable.
- You don't.
- 'Cause it's a natural thing, you know, when you cry.
When you're sad you cry.
When something's bugging you.
You get emotional.
Yeah.
- Yeah. You don't have to ...
Be afraid of that.
- Thanks.
- But anybody, not just me.
- Yeah.
- Maybe you'll teach them to be vulnerable too,
you never know.
- Yeah.
- 'Kay. Next question please.
What do you think life is teaching
our relationship right now?
- It's teaching us how to be more on our own.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause you said ...
You said right now ...
You're like on a journey of self-discovery.
- Self-discovery.
And, to an extent, I am too.
I mean, I think that's what we should be doing.
- Yeah. I ...
I feel like we're the worst couple ever for saying that,
that we need this time away from each other.
Not that we're actually away from each other.
We talk to each other.
- Mhmm.
- But ... it's not like I need to tell you everything.
I don't feel the need to do that.
I know you don't either.
That's just us.
- Yeah.
- I don't think it's bad.
I feel the same way.
I ... I think, it's a good time for us, individually,
and then we have moments together.
Which are fun.
And then when we see each other, we have like ...
When we see each other again we're like these
two cool people.
(Joaquin laughs)
- Not there yet.
- No, I think we're pretty cool.
- Did you hear how you said that?
"I think we're pretty cool."
(laughs)
How do you love me?
- I think it's just natural.
I love you ... with no force.
No expectations.
I don't really know how to describe it
except that it just comes out and it's natural.
Things don't fall into place.
But I do like, love you.
You just ... are there,
it's there because I love you.
Am I making any sense?
- No, yeah, you are.
(Zoe laughs)
But yeah, there is a flow.
It's not forced.
We don't rely on our love.
To make us happy.
Which is ...
In a way-
- It's just better.
- It makes me love you more.
- Yeah. It's just there too.
I do, I love you, that's it.
- I love you too.
- Hey guys, this is Ashika from The Skin Deep.
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