(canned laughter)
(Ian) SHUT UP!
Please welcome the 20th person to play Dr. Who...
Dude, this show is so unrealistic.
They change who plays the doctor so much it could
basically be anyone these days.
Kevin Hot...
You do realize how stupid these TV shows would be
- if they were actually realistic, right? - Not really.
Well, I guess I should show you then, huh?
(mumbling on TV)
What're you looking at?
(chipper music)
I'm really sorry to tell you, Walter...
but you do have cancer.
(coughing violently)
Oh my god, I have a brilliant idea to set my family up for life...
Meth can't be that hard to make, right?
- (ambulances wail) - (Walter White) Never mind!
(canned laughter)
Um...hi, Penny.
You are very, very pretty and I was wondering
if maybe you wanted to play Magic the Gathering with me?
- (canned laughter) - I'm at least an eight,
you're like, Pi!
Get it? 3.14.
- (canned laughter) - You're basically ugly as f*ck is what I'm saying.
(canned laughter)
I'm...gonna go jump into a wood chipper.
(canned laughter)
(chipper music)
Wait, I'm hot and blond!
I'm gonna have the best time ever in prison,
just like I did in high school!
(cop) Beat her up! Beat her pretty face in!
(chipper music)
How come no one told us it costs this much to live in New York City?!
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this rough ♪
♪ You're living in a dumpster and you're broke as f*ck ♪
(chipper music)
Quickly! Deliver this message to, uh, Tigwin Lambaster
- or tons of people are going to die. - Alright!
Wait! Is it the tall, bearded guy or the little midget.
No, no, no. I believe it's the guy that runs through the forest
in the second episode of season two.
Oh, the one with the fake hand that...that bangs her sister.
Wait, no.
Wait, is it the skinny guy that got his balls chopped off?
- I can't remember! - I don't know. Hold on.
Let me call the author.
(phone rings)
George Double R Martin speaking.
So...who exactly is Tigwin Lambaster?
How the f*ck should I know? (chuckling)
Alright, who're we gonna kill today?
(chipper music)
(wind whistles)
(chipper music)
Hey, ya'll wanna shoot a duck?
Yeah, as long as it ain't gay.
- (director) CUT! - (in British accent) Oh, bloody hell!
I can't believe people watch this rubbish!
Who cares! We're bloody rich!
Ladies, money bath. Now! Please?
(chipper music)
- We're hot. - We don't need a good story.
Mmm, yeah. Just look at my abs.
(chipper music)
This man is obviously the killer, you twat!
How could you even know that?
As soon as we entered I noticed he had a slight scuff mark
on the inside sole of his shoe.
And his tread is full of a rare Chinese clay.
That clay could only be ordered online on a Tuesday morning
in late July.
While I was looking around, I also noticed that he walks
with a slight limp on his left leg,
which is common of a Brazilian Tai-Chi fighter.
And there's only one dojo in London that teaches Brazilian Tai-Chi.
Meaning that this man's alibi is false!
With this in mind, I also noticed that his allergies matched
the blood type found on the victim's shirt collar!
So with all these clues put together, this man is the killer!
Really?
No, you dumb f*ck! He's holding a bloody knife.
Dang it.
(chipper music)
Which of these three houses will Jack and Susan buy?
The Haitian Warzone Bungalow?
The historical Murder Cabin with a beautiful lake view!
Or the house from Breaking Bad, which is still on fire!
Can we see some other houses?
(groaning)
No way! Choose now or die!
Um...I'm a big fan of Breaking Bad, so I'll go with that one.
Oh my god, Walter White! I'm your biggest fan.
OH MY GOD! I'M ON FIRE! (screaming)
Yeah, I guess you're right. It would be pretty stupid.
Please welcome the 20th person to play Dr. Who...
Ian Hecox!
What? H-Hold on. What?!
No, don't worry. They'll just replace you in a year anyway.
(robot) I have located the newest Dr. Who!
Exterminate!
That is the lamest thing I have ever seen.
I know, it looks like a 30 year old dildo.
Yeah, grandma! Is this yours?
(laughs) I know, right?
(groaning)
Well, that didn't last very long.
Please welcome the 22nd person to play Dr. Who.
He's handsome, and heroic.
Oh my god. I've always wanted to be Dr. Who!
This bird thing that dips into the water thingie!
F*ck my life.
(robotic voice) Wait, I DO look like an old dildo.
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