Amusement Parks!
The Place that dreams are made of.
Right?
Well, okay, maybe not quite--but it’s all good fun regardless?
Now, it goes without saying--but it takes quite a stony heart *not* to leap in joy at
the thought of spending the day running around a purpose built funland filled to the brim
with thrilling attractions--roller coasters--log flumes--teacups--you know how it goes.
Whether it’s DisneyLand, Six Flags, Canada’s Wonderland, Ocean Park or Alton Towers--the
point is, theme parks the world over have held a special place in our hearts as relentlessly
curated moments of manufactured joy.
But--when we take a look at that terrifying place, known only as The SCP Foundation--there
exists a far more anomalous versions of events.
So, let’s take a look shall we?
Hello Internet--what’s going on, and once again welcome back to the most inquisitive
channel on YouTube--Life’s Biggest Questions.
As per usual, I’ll be your disembodied floating voice Jack Finch--as today, we curiously ask
the question?
What If SCP-949 Was Real?
Wondertainment Land!
Ahhh.
Roll the clip.
For the curious amongst you, that scene was from 2009’s Zombieland--depicting the fictional
Pacific Playland as it gets infested by a horde of ravenous zombies down to the genius
shenanigans or Wichita--and of course, as everyone knows and as the final scenes of
that particular movie illustrate--a theme park would be the *worst* place for anyone
to ever head to during a zombie apocalypse.
Come on guys, that’s just basic knowledge, right?
However, don’t you worry yourselves about that--because Wondertainment Land certainly
wouldn’t have any zombies around for us to be concerned about.
Nope.
Not at all.
No zombies anywhere.
Anyway, as is the case with our myriad of other SCP imagination dissemination--for us
to first speculate on the hypothetical existentation of SCP-949, we should probably first figure
out what it’s all about.
As the record states, SCP-949 is a large amusement park located in an undisclosed state of the
USA--which, according to the entrance gate--as well as several documents within the park--is
designated as Wondertainment Land.
On multiple occasions, SCP-949 has been observed to periodically disappear from its location--often
reappearing several days later with brand new facilities for audiences to enjoy.
However.
And this is certainly a very important however.
Facilities found inside SCP-949 appear to demonstrate highly anomalous properties, and
if you were expecting something different--well, you see what happens the next time you try
and underestimate the SCP Foundation, because you’ll probably regret it.
Strangely enough though, these anomalous facilities do not appear to intentionally cause any harm
to humans--and so far, no casualties have occurred during the exploration of SCP-949.
Yet, anyway.
Great news, right?
These facilities include Hook a Duck!
An attraction that contains several animated duck toys where the subject must retrieve
them from a central pool area with a hook--in the classic fashion.
However, these duck toys demonstrate panic and pain when hooked.
But, I’m sure it’s just all part of the attraction.
Then there’s the Spooky Manor--a haunted house attraction that after travelling through
it--subjects find themselves with several limbs and human heads attached to their own
that appear to give information on the rest of the park.
There’s the Random River Rapids--an otherwise standard river rapids ride that appears to
harbor a series of strange sea creatures within it’s waters.
And then there’s the Bumper Cars--again, pretty standard fare--only in this version…
the Bumper Cars are sentient, and they want to eat each other.
Hm.
Interesting design choice.
So… what’s it all about?
You see, on the surface, Wondertainment Land appears to be some form of mid-tier amusement
park, staffed by costumed mascots made entirely out of woolen flesh that just so happens to
disappear every now and then from between time and space with some marginally more impressive
attractions to deliver to the public.
Big deal, right?
If it was real--then it’d be a strange roadside theme park that an unfortunate vacationing
family may find themselves driving up to after taking the wrong directions, before being
picked up by the patrolling SCP Foundation staff and administered with amnestics and
then sent on their way.
They wouldn’t ever realise they’d be there--and hey, given the fact that it’s attractions
aren’t exactly the most thrilling--that could also be the case regardless of amnestics.
But--there’s a certain name given to this particular anomalous entity that potentially
poses a far more pernicious set of circumstances--given that parameters that it *was* real.
Wondertainment Land--is supposedly owned under the auspices of an organisation known as Dr.
Wondertainment--a mysterious name that often appears throughout the canon of the SCP Foundation,
as an alleged reference to an anonymous entity--the identity of which is completely unknown.
Now, the mysteries of Dr. Wondertainment are many--and their allusions appear in a wide
number of other SCP entries--regularly posing the question as to whether it is either an
individual--or a corporate entity.
But one thing remains the same--they are responsible for the creation of some of the most intriguing
anomalous objects and entities in the entire SCP Foundation canon--and this, SCP-949--is
their most expensive endeavor.
Picture them as the equivalent to Willy Wonka and his Chocolate Factory, although--instead
of Willy Wonka, it’s potentially a robotic overlord--and instead of a Chocolate Factory--it’s
an entity that gives life to anomalous teddy bears where it uses SCP-949 as the place that
it figures out whether they’ll explode or not.
In their capitalist containment catalogue--there’s the Little Mister Collection--a set of 20
individual animated products that behave like humans but instead exhibit anomalous properties.
There’s Dr. Wondertainment’s Infinite Fun-Book--which the less you know the better.
Dr. Wondertainment’s Bubblebath Bonbons.
Not as fun as they sound.
But it poses the question--could a mysterious corporation that focuses on the creation of
these incredibly dangerous anomalous objects ever even create a successful Theme Park?
Do you know the kind of logistics involved in maintaining a highly functioning Amusement
Park?
The fiscal responsibilities are staggering.
The average successful Theme Park spends around 10 million dollars a year--constantly adding
rides, shows, restaurants--shops and hotels to the ever expanding park just to keep up
with the competition.
And this doesn’t even include the ongoing maintenance required for the parks existing
line up--with new attractions costing anywhere in the ballpark of 100 million dollars.
Heck, Tokyo Disney announced in in 2014 that it would spend an average of 500 million dollars
a year for nine consecutive years just to stay afloat.
And we haven’t even addressed the fact that if you ever remotely hope to operate a successful
Theme Park--you’re talking hotels, you’re talking state of the art infrastructure--your
talking hundreds of millions of people visiting your attractions per year.
That’s not an easy feat--even by anomalous means.
I mean, I’m not entirely sure of the fiscal veracity of the Dr. Wondertainment organisation--but,
considering the current line up at their park--it doesn’t exactly constitute them splashing
the cash--and if anything, they’re pretty bare bones.
Yeah, alright--you might have the most mind-bending anomalous constructions at your disposal--but
unless you’ve got the footfall to keep your Park afloat, I’m not convinced that Wondertainment
Land would even manage to keep its gates open--after all, an Animal Cruelty Hook-a-Duck doesn’t
exactly inspire joy.
So yeah--If SCP-949 AKA Wondertainment Land was real--I doubt that it’d ever have the
means to keep itself afloat as a successful business enterprise.
Sorry Dr. Wondertainment land--and it’s for that reason--that I'm out.
And there we have it--the long and short answer to what if SCP-949 was real--if it was, I
certainly wouldn’t recommend investment.
Well, what do you guys think?
Do you agree?
Disagree?
Have any more to add on that point?
Let us know your thoughts down in the comment section below.
Before we depart from today's video though, let’s first take a quick look at some of
your more creative comments from over the past few days.
First up, Igor says--
I see you with that Eminem reference, Jack.
-- Well, thank you Igor--it’s just the way I am.
Anddddd on that note, unfortunately, that’s all we’ve got time for in today's video--cheers
for sticking around all the way until the end.