Hi, welcome!
I'm reading Nadine Piat from Healthy You, Healthy Love.
I'm a coach for smart, savvy women looking for sexy united love.
And in today's video, I'm going to be sharing something really important with you so please
stay till the end because I'm going to reveal something that's going to help you with this
topic at the end.
So what is this topic all about?
Why is it so important?
Well recently I was listening to a podcast of a fellow dating coach, he's a male, and
he was really sort of saying some negative-ish sort of thoughts or perspectives on the fact
that there's a lot of female coaches like myself teaching women to lean back.
Now I believe that I do see his point, he was talking about the fact that we should
both men and women be encouraging each other and working towards a partnership.
I totally agree with that and yet leaning back doesn't mean that you're discouraging
a man.
And this is why this topic is so important because if you are listening to other coaches
out there telling you to lean back you may not actually understand what it really means.
Because leaning back for one person can mean something very different to another.
Because everyone's dating situation can be very different.
Some people lean forward way too much and some people lean back far too much and they
need to lean forwards.
So where do you sit and what does this mean for you?
Absolutely, I'm one of the coaches out there that believe in partnership, that believe
that two people need to encourage each other to create harmony, connection, and to grow
something very special just because a man has had to sort of call a fight for you, it
doesn't necessarily mean that a true relationship will develop.
So leaning back and making a man chase you or trying to get him to chase you doesn’t
equate to anyone being more committed to you than if you were just more or less on the
same page as far as how much energy you give each other or how much attention.
When I'm coaching my clients or women in my group, when I talk about leaning back, it's
not that I'm telling women to lean back and disengage to a man in a way that it feels
like a game.
The reason why I would’ve ever told a woman to lean back is because she is actually really
too far forwards.
She's overdoing the connection, she's the one driving most of the relationship and therefore
not giving a man space to come to her to meet her at that neutral point.
So the idea is to sit in a neutral zone so you're not overdoing, you're not under doing
it.
You're matching each other, you’re working together.
I talked about this in great detail in my program Unlock His Heart where it's so important
that we match someone.
Because the best relationships I’ve ever had have started off with a sense of great
ease.
I didn't feel like I had to strategize messages, I didn't feel like I had to play a game, I
didn't feel like I had to act like I was disinterested and not that I feel like I needed to chase
him.
We were very much on an equal kind of level of connection.
Once I contacted him, he would contact me.
Sometimes I would contact him first, he would respond quickly.
Sometimes he'd contact me a few times first and then I would respond.
And so basically there is a really beautiful dance, you know, it's not erratic, there's
no push and pull.
It is that you're just working together and it's flowing like maybe a waltz or something
like that.
So in my programs, I often talk about the dance.
So what I want for you is to understand where you're currently sitting.
So if you've got your life right now you might be in a long term relationship or something
new and you're either sitting in neutral where your kind of know relax stage, somewhat surrendering
to the outcome.
You're not pushing, you're not disengaging, you're just sitting in this place of wonder
and intrigue and you're not worried about whether you're overdoing it or undergoing
it.
When you're sitting too far forwards, you generally know that you're doing that.
You normally feel the sense of anxiety and neediness.
There's an energy about you that’s very wanting, wanting something to happen quicker
than it already is.
And there's an urgency in your energy, in your heart, in your soul.
And someone who's feeling that urgency, that anxiety, those people need to lean back into
the neutral position.
Not leaning back necessarily to the point that you're totally disengaged and that you
don’t want to see what he does because you're so disconnected and you’re not making any
effort and you’re pretending that you don't like him, that is not what I’m recommending.
You just lean back into neutral.
As I mentioned earlier for those of you that tend to lean so far back hoping that the guy
makes such an effort it doesn't guarantee any kind of result, any kind of relationship.
It doesn't mean that he's going to like you more, commit to you on a deeper level, and
you're going to live happily ever after together because he work so hard to get you.
That is only a very small percentage of situations where that is worth and that normally has
worth when it's authentic.
Maybe the woman wasn't really in the best mental emotional space in their life at that
time or they were traveling a lot for work and they really just couldn't just see that
guy that often or maybe they have some personal things going on that really stop them from
spending a lot of time or being as available as the guy would like her to.
And then when her situation changed, the relationship started to really grow and develop.
But that normally happens when an organic place because the energy around that is different,
it doesn’t feel like a game, it doesn't feel as confusing.
Because men need encouragement to move forwards,men need encouragement to open up their hearts
to you, men want to feel safe to do that.
And so when you're playing the leaning back game to the extreme, then you end up attracting
the wrong kind of relationship sometimes or just actually making the guy feel like you're
not interested and then he loses interest because you don't seem to be interested and
an opportunity is missed.
So the best guys don’t need you to play that game of leaning so far back that you're
almost falling off the back of your chair.
Sit in a place of confidence, be assured that if you encourage him a little, he won't get
turned off.
If he’s going to get turned off by you encouraging him then there's a problem.
You don't want to be with a guy who gets turned off by women who shows that she's interested.
Now I'm not saying that you're showing that you’re interested in the falling of the
chair in the front because you're just so far leaning forwards because that is different.
That’s a needy desperate energy.
But when you're sitting here and you're dancing with him in a beautiful way then that is perfect.
And a few ways to recognize whether you might be leaning too far forwards and that you might
need to lean back into neutral or sit back into neutral is have a look at your text messages.
If you are in the blue which means you're the one sending most of the messages or your
messages are super long, in an iPhone your messages will be in blue, and so when you're
more in the blue then you're probably overdoing it, you’re probably leaning a little bit
too far forwards.
If you tend to be the one that initiates most of communication or initiates or suggests
when to catch up next, when you’re the one doing most of then you are leaning too far
forwards, you need to lean back and sit back into neutral.
So if you're starting to feel that crumbly energy take a moment to reposition yourself,
to start believing in your worth and value.
Reset your mindset into believing that the best man for you, a really good man, a man
who's ready for a relationship, a man who is truly authentically interested in you will
make an effort as you will and it would feel like it's flowing.
You weren’t have to feel like this any kind of game.
Because if you do want partnership, if you are looking to have a really beautiful, united
relationship with a man then the early stages of dating shouldn't feel like it's an emotional
rollercoaster.
And timing has a lot to do with a lot of things so if you're pushing, pushing, pushing to
try and make it work.
If you're pushing, pushing to try to make him see you, if you’re pushing, pushing
to try to get a message or response from him then the guy probably just isn't ready for
what you're looking for right now or maybe never.
It’s more important that you stay in your neutral, beautiful, confident, encouraging
position and find a man who can meet you there.
So to help you with this, I have a fabulous free gift called Five Easy Ways to Get a Man
to Commit and Stay Committed and I share some pretty interesting tips in there and some
of them are a little bit unexpected, so please check it out.
The link to that free gift is right below in the description.
And earlier I did mention my program, Unlock His Heart.
The link to that is also below and in that program I share exactly how to match a man,
how to dance with him in such a way that allows a bond and a connection to build because emotional
connections can only be boosted when we feel safe with someone.
So I go into great detail about that in the program.
So it's been a pleasure to have you here with me, please subscribe click that bell button
to get notified of my next hot topic.
Also please check me out at Instagram @nadinepiat, I'm more active there these days and I’d
love to see you there.
Also please share this with a friend who you know tends to lean back too far or lean forward
too far and needs to know how to lean back into what I called the neutral place of confidence.
It's been an honor to have you here with me, I look forward to seeing you at my next video.