Mark: Hey, it's Mark here from Make Him Yours and I've traveled all the way to
beautiful Southern California to hang out with one of my very good friends,
Helena Hart. Thank you for coming in. Hello. Well thank you for having me.
Helena: Thank you for coming all the way out here.
Mark: And today, we're talking about four subtle signs that you might accidentally
be chasing the guy and pushing him away in the process.
This is really common and something both me and Helena deal with our clients,
and I thought she'd be a great person to have a chat about this topic.
Helena, what's number one?
Helena: So the first way that we do that without even realizing it is stepping into
our masculine energy, masculine energy is that part of us that's about doing
things and planning and scheduling. Anything that looks like leaning forward
and making something happen. So what does this look like in real life when it
comes to dating and relationships, right? That looks like always being the one
to initiate contact with a man, right? Making it really easy for him, like
driving to him, always paying for everything. Just moving the
relationship forward constantly, right? And we can, like I said, it can come
from a really good place of just like wanting to let them know we're
interested, but when you're the only one that's keeping things going, it can
really push a guy away and like diminish his desire to pursue you, right?
Mark: Exactly. You end up accidentally chasing and the guy pulls away as a
result. Now, if you do want a better way to get into your feminine energy and
just relax into that, me and Helena created a free gift on the Seven
Secrets to Getting A Guy Absolutely Addicted to You. So if you're enjoying
the content, make sure you download it. I'll put the link up here and in the
description. Point number two is having an agenda. This is a subtle way that
women accidentally end up chasing men. Helena what does this mean?
Helena: Yeah, this is really important. We can often have an agenda without
even realizing it, but a man can feel that, can't he? If we're saying something,
even if we have a fake smile on our face or we're trying to sound really cool or
like asking the innocent question, but deep down we're really hoping
for a certain result, like we're hoping to make a guy jealous or make him ask us
out for the weekend or see us a certain way, kind of like...
Mark: We're on this date, so we can get to the relationship.
Helena: Exactly. We have a goal in mind. We have some kind of goal in mind.
Either he's the goal or he's the prize in our mind or we're just trying to get to
the next step. He can feel that and it really like diminishes his desire to
keep pursuing you and coming close. Right?
Mark: Yeah. I heard a great quote, which is that no man wants to feel like a
sperm donor that walked into your life at the right time. You know,
a man really wants you to sell yourself on him in the present and be present
there with him, and anything that flows from that is fantastic but if he feels
like you've got that agenda, it's, he's gonna pull away.
Helena: Yeah. And this can play out in more subtle ways as well.
I get questions all the time like should I text this guy? Should I reach out to him?
Should I call him? What should I do? It's so something I have my clients ask
themselves before they say or do anything with a man is what am I
hoping will happen? So important to keep in mind, what am I hoping will
happen? If you can answer that strongly like, "I'm hoping to get to the
next step with this guy, I'm hoping that he'll see how valuable I am or what a
great girlfriend I would be."
That's a big clue that you have an agenda, you have a strong attachment to the
outcome, and I would recommend to not do what you were about to do if you're
attached to the outcome like that.
Mark: Yeah. It should always come from a place of abundance and a place of,
I'm sharing my energy in the present rather than I'm doing this because
I need to get this next outcome or goal. So number three is all about directions
versus green lights. And this is a very practical way to apply this.
I always ask my clients, are you giving a man directions or are you giving him
green lights? And what I mean by green lights, it can be as simple as the
difference between giving him your number versus saying,
"So when are you gonna ask for my number?" Now, that's a really obvious
green light, but it's still not doing the work for him. Instead of asking him out, you
say, "So when are you going to ask me out?" And in very subtle ways, even
though you're stamping it on your forehead, it's so obvious, you're still
letting him do the actual work, so he is still taking that lead and you're
not chasing him to do it for him. And Helena the last one I like to
talk about, which I think is so important is repeating yourself. And I see, you know,
I love it when people put themselves out there and express that vulnerability.
Like, "Hey, I'd love to see you. Hey, I'd love to chat with you." But then we repeat
ourselves and we think it's going to work better, but it actually loses its effect.
So if someone hasn't replied to you, if you've sent a text to a guy
like, "Hey, I'd love to chat this weekend, or Hey, what are you up to?"
And he hasn't responded. We get it in our heads that, "Oh, he's going to forget
me, and so I need to send him a funny meme or I need to touch base some
other way or I need to message him on a different platform or something,"
and that actually completely erodes the first message. Whereas, when you
leave him with that first message and he reaches his phone a day and a half later,
and he's "Oh god, I didn't reply to her," he realizes how you work.
He realizes that every time you deliver a vulnerable piece, every time you put
yourself out there, he has to return it and that's how you work and that's how
you get him coming back as opposed to if he learns that every time she contacts
with a vulnerable piece, she always contacts me a day later, so I don't need
to respond. He gets trained that he doesn't like, he doesn't really need to
worry if you, if you expose yourself and let your walls down to him. So I find
making a message really clear but then not repeating yourself is a really important
way to keep a guy chasing and repeating yourself is that mistake that unfortunately
accidentally pushes men away.
Helena: So good. I've never heard anyone talk about that in that way before.
It happens a lot in texting, right? A woman says something, she hints
around, she has an agenda, she wants the guy to ask her out and she maybe
doesn't get the response she was hoping for, so then a couple of days
later, she sends a picture or something funny that made her think of
him, right? And she's subtly trying to move things along and a man can feel that. Yeah.
Yeah.
Mark: Let him come to you. Beautiful advice. Now, we had so much fun creating these four
for you guys. We actually realized there was more than four. There was in fact
another four and we couldn't possibly leave them out. So what you'll find
above and below the video is a link to Helena's video. We're going to talk about
four more subtle ways and subtle mindsets and actions that women
take to accidentally push a guy away. You want to stop taking these and
make sure you check that video, and if you have checked both videos out,
make sure you download the Guide to the Seven Secrets of Getting Him
Addicted to You. That will be above and below the video as well.
Helena, thank you for having me.
Helena: Thank you! Yes, this is amazing!
Mark: I mean to your beautiful environment, your beautiful country.
Hey, leave your thoughts, comments, questions for Helena and on the video
in the space below, I'd love to hear them. Give the video a thumbs up and hit the big
red subscribe button with the little bell, and make sure that you check out the next video
with us as well. We will see you in it very soon.
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