KIDS: Trick or treat!
(laughter)
(eerie organ music playing)
(recorded screams playing)
(gasping, laughing)
Greetings. Pleased to meet you.
I go by many names: Satan, Lucifer,
Mephistopheles, Beelzebub.
Of course, when I make a dinner reservation,
I-I go by "Eric."
It's easier to spell.
Before we begin
tonight's descent into Heck,
I'd like to tell you a little about myself.
'Cause it's all about you, isn't it?
I was God's chosen angel.
I was his favorite.
We used to go camping together.
But then, because I wanted to have a little bit of fun,
I was cast from heaven.
Tonight, you will bear witness to that fun.
You will decide whether it is sinful...
or just another Saturday night.
(laughs) Come with me... if you dare.
(thunder rumbles)
Just watch your step right over here,
'cause there's some electrical wires.
(hisses) (knock on door)
ALL: Trick or treat.
Oh, look how cute y'all are.
Now, I know you are Superman.
What about the rest of you?
I'm Cyndi Lauper. I'm a wizard.
Uh-huh.
And I'm Carl Sagan.
Who?
Carl Sagan.
He's the host of Cosmos.
Well, isn't that something.
Now, y'all be safe and have a fun night.
I'm Super...
(laughter, shouting)
You like Guns N' Roses?
They're all right.
Yeah, they're all right.
You as smart as your brother?
Nobody is.
I got an older sister that's kind of a genius.
Oh, yeah?
Why didn't she tutor you?
She's in jail.
What'd she do?
She sold a piñata full of weed
to an undercover cop.
Doesn't sound like much of a genius.
Oh, I don't know, she graduated high school.
BILLY: Ooh, peanut butter cups!
Superman loves peanut butter cups!
(thunder rumbles)
So you see, the sin of greed.
Very wealthy man, a beautiful house,
swimming pool, several German cars,
and a young wife who worshipped him.
Excuse me, Mr. Satan.
What?
You kind of left out
how greed is the root of all evil,
and how it corrupts the soul.
It's in there. It's called subtext.
Why don't we take a gander at the eternal torment
that is sloth.
Eh!
I can't believe no one in this town knows
who Carl Sagan is.
Why even have a TV?
Stupid Mrs. Gifford gave me a banana.
SHELDON: Where's Billy?
He had to go to the bathroom.
So he went home? No.
He's right behind that tree.
Wait up, guys.
Oh, I got a little on my cape.
Ew.
There's nobody at my house. You want to come over?
Yes.
Okay, let's go.
(ethereal music playing)
Look at this.
We threw a party for heaven and nobody came.
Not one person chose to be saved.
Well, did you tell 'em about the cupcakes?
MEEMAW: Where I think you went wrong
is in your timing.
If you'd done this deal during a war or a plague,
then you'd have a boatload of converts.
Famine. Famine would bring 'em in.
What do you know about famine?
Hola, amigos.
Hey, Pastor Jeff.
Why so glum? This is going great.
Donations are through the roof.
(laughs)
Nobody wants to be saved.
Yeah, but donations are through the roof.
Is that all this means to you, raising money?
Hey, that money is gonna do a lot of good
for a lot of people.
Now, quit being such a fun sponge.
Here, have some grapes.
(laughing)