ITS TIME TO STOP!
If you guys watched out last video, then you know about the Viner invasion.
BROOOO
And if you thought that was bad, you ain't seen nothing yet.
Lance: What the fuck-- Lizzy! LIZZY!
Hila! Are you prepared to take on Lance in
all of his click bait glory and shit posting? Are you PREPARED!?
Its time to stop... Lance Stewart.
That was sweet, I feel like that didn't have the force
kind of to impact. Maybe you want to try again?
It's time to stop!
Woow, he's shaking dude. I can feel Lance.
He's shaking like the ghost in his own videos.
(Lance yelling)
Lance Stewart is, by far, the spiciest, hottest, and most twinkiest meme
that I'd love to take into a dark room and do a one-on-one Ouija board with.
Lance: That's not even funny, duuude
First, after Vine closed down, he went to Instagram, where he posted some of the HOTTEST
spiciest content. So what I love about Lance's
Instagram content is that it's got everything. It, like, perfectly exemplifies why I hate
Instagram comedy. It's got music for the punchline (Cher- Believe plays)
Its got sexual clickbait thumbnails, its got Soflo shit bars, look at this thumbnail
I have to blur half of it.
When she's finally off her period, guys.
With hearts for eyes. This is gonna be a wild ride. Have a look
Girl: I think I'm still on my period
Lance: How about you go check?
(Cher - Believe)
So here's what I love about Lance. You watch his content, you expect
a twist, a punchline of some sort, a joke. Its got a set up and
then a punch, right? In his content, he does it a little differently.
He's revolutionary.
What he does is...
...nothing. Nothing at all.
No punchline.You have the premise, but then there's no twist or punchline.
It's just him dancing. This was watched by 2.4 million people on Instagram.
Hila, do you relate to the message of this video?
Hila: Yea. Ethan: Heyyy!
Heyyy!!
Heyyy!!!
Ok, so that's one-- I want to show you guys another one of his Instagram videos.
This one has 5 million views!
Come on!
Is it gonna happen?
OK, when your friend is a virgin, girl brings him into the bathroom, you expect a twist
of some sort. Maybe he doesn't get laid; maybe something funny happens.
Right? Maybe it's his sister; maybe he's her carer and he's just wiping her butt. Who knows.
Lots of possibilities. Let's see what happens.
(Cher- Believe)
He's just so revolutionary.
I mean he's just breaking all the rules.
Ye- seriously. 5 million views. You don't need a joke. You just end every video with music
and a dance.
Ethan and Hila: Tag a virginnnn!!
Tag all your virgin friends out there!
I think I have to take a poop right now.
Hila: Right now?
Oh my god dude.
Ethan: Whew.
Hila: How did it go?
(Techno music plays)
T h i c c y b o i
That was months ago-- January.
Now he's moved on to Youtube. And the bar on Youtube is lowering every day.
Jake Paul: Bro!!!
Let's go to his most popular videos playlist.
Which is essentially a competition for the most clickbait thumbnail and title, because all of his videos
are just completely pointless vlogs, right?
Each video is not different than the other one. It's just a matter of clickbait.
Kill Bill Ironside Siren (WEE WOO WEE WOO)
Kill Bill Ironside Siren (DUN DA DUN DA DUN DAAAAAAAA)
They've lowered the bar on the whole platform.
But, somehow, they're all getting sprinkled with tens and millions of views on every video.
My girlfriend shows her nipples on camera. BOOOOOOOOOBS!
(Cough™)
Take, for example, this video "Her Strap Broke Off."
This part doesn't even appear in the video; they just set this up for the thumbnail.
There's no scene where she's pushing up her tits for no reason.
But let me play this out at 20x speed so you can see how much is in the
video vs what they advertised as. Like, this is 26 minutes of her just being like,
"Oh shit, oh my god, my tits! How do I get my strap on??"
It's like 5 seconds. Let me show you.
Lance: What's up guys, how you guys doing today.
Ethan doing some kind of chant: Click bait, click bait, click bait, click bait X420
Lance: --Strap broke off. Girl: Yeah! Tell them why!
Lance: I was like trying to grab her arm, to, like, pull her over here
just, I was, like, messing around with her, and it fucking broke off. I'm sorry.
And my mom literally just gave this to her.
Girl: It was my graduation gift!
Ethan's chanting intensifies: Click bait, click bait, click bait, click bait X666
Lance: Alright guys, well, that's pretty much going to wrap up today's vlog.
Hila: That's it. Ethan: That's it, that's all you get. That's all there is.
Where-- What was this? Where did this come from? I didn't see anything like this.
I would have LIKED to see something like that,
I was PROMISED something like that, sorry Hila.
You want some titties?
I'm going to put you on restricted mode.
So now that I've given you a little background on your boy Sir Lancelot
of Vine, I'd like to show you some of his new content. He about ten days ago made a video where
he went to a cemetery with a Ouija board, and got very spooked
by the ghost there. Got a lot of views, and, since then, coincidentally, his life
has just been a total spOOkfest!
Hila: He's haunted with the views.
He's just like the kid from The Sixth Sense, except instead of dead people he sees dollar signs.
Lance: Alright guys, it is almost 12 in the morning and we are about to head out to play with this Ouija board
in a cemetery.
So we just attempted to go over to two different cemeteries, both closed, could not get in there...
--Try a couple other ones, most likely, like, I don't feel like we're going to be able to get into one.
Are you surprised that cemeteries are closed at 12am?
This is not an episode of Goosebumps dude!
This is a cemetery, there's dead people, there's families there! Have respect!
Don't they know that vloggers need to vlog?
At any hour of the day? Ethan: That's true.
It's every day, bro.
Jake Paul: BROOOO!
Lance: O...
Lance: Is this you? (girl shakes head)
(Lance moves the cup and spells "Kill Yourself"
Yooooo.
I'm not the one doing that.
(Audio clip repeating) I'm not the one doing that
I KNOW I'm not the one doing it though!
She's crying.
That's actually not funny!
Hila: He's so clearly the one moving it!
Ethan: You can see his fingers! You can see the muscles!
So he's trying to say this is real, it's obviously not.
The ghost says "kill yourself." This is a ghost from like 1920,
this is like someone's grandpa who died like 30 years ago.
And he's got up on this Ouiji board telling them to kill himself.
K
I
L
Y
O
U
R
S
E
L
Lance: You expect me to die, by killing myself.
Lance: Yeah, well, that's not gonna happen.
KILL YOURSELF KID!
Your videos suck!
I've seen them from the after life!
Kill yourself!
I'm not a mean spirit I've just seen your videos, Lance. End your life!
So Sir Lancelot here went from clickbait daily vlogging to being
a straight up ghost hunter, and after that creepy
night at the cemetery, he gets dragged out of his bed by a DEMON.
I'm about to prop my camera up right now and see if anything does happen.
What the fuck-- Lizzy! LIZZY!! LIZZY!!!!!
He literally stole it scene for scene shot for shot from Paranormal Activity.
Like, it almost seems fake to me because of the fact that you see this shit in movies
and like, you don't like expect this to actually happen in real life or
this shit actually does happen. Well, it happened to me.
Which makes no sense, like I'm still confused and baffled by it.
So I know Sir Lance a lot says it doesn't make sense, but I think that it really
does make sense. Now if you look at Lance's jerk off lotion next to the bed,
you can see it's cut in half. I mean, its really just a shitty green screen here.
they didn't even bother to line it up well.
But all of a sudden, when he's dragged out of the room, *pop* it pops right back into place.
And when you get a little bit further, if you pause it right here,
you can see a rope coming off the end of his foot.
Or little ghost jizz? I don't know. It's a toss up; it could be ghost jizz.
So I tweeted out, I'm, like, in desperate need of a priest right now
Gonna call a couple places and see if maybe
we can figure something out.
(Fax machine noises)
(Thump!)
Hello!? Hello?
Hello? It's a fax machine! You're calling a fax line!
Yes it is shocking and spooky that fax still exists. There are people that still send faxes.
But it's not paranormal! It's just stupid!
The thing is, since all of his fans are like 12 years old, they probably also don't know
what a fax is, and they just get super spooked out by it.
(Fax machine noises)
(Techno Music)
It's time to-
BRO!!!
And now a very big thank you to Audible for sponsoring this spook-filled goof romp riot.
Audible has been a huge support to our show throughout the years, and if you want to support us
the best way to do it is pick up a free audio book with a 30 day
free trial at audible.com/ethanandhila
Honestly, whatever you're doing, it's better with Audible.
And they have so many titles, you can find whatever you're looking for.
Recently, I've been listening to Dragon Teeth by Michael Crichton, a new book by Michael Crichton--
this is the guy that wrote Jurrasic Park and so many classics
and they discovered this book after his death.
That's paranormal activity.
In desperate need of a priest right now.
It's getting rave reviews, I've listened to half of it, I'm captivated!
Michael Crichton has written some of the best stories of all time
and the fact that we have another one here is so awesome. And you can listen to it
for free! At our link in the description, audible.com/ethanandhila
Ya get it free, guys, you've got nothing to lose. Support us, support them.
Everybody gets some love! Watch out for the ghosts and spooks out there guys!
Thanks for watching! 'Preciate ya, love ya, pound it!
Jake Paul: BROOOO!!!
("And So It Begins" by soundcloud artist Artificial.Music)
Papa Bless!