- How can you make him regret losing you?
This is a popular topic that has been requested
quite a few times in my community.
And so what I wanna say is we're gonna tackle
this topic today
and I'm gonna give you five things that you can do these
I call these the five Fs that at the end
for sure will have him in that experience of like,
"Dang, maybe I shouldn't have let her go."
Or, oh, that feeling of regret.
And as I share these with you
I want you to receive them I proper context because the way
for us to move forward in our love lives,
the way for you to really have what you want.
If you think about what's
underneath the desire to get someone to regret losing you,
often that's a surface level desire
because we're in pain, right?
You were with this guy, you poured into him,
you gave him your best
you were there for him, you cared for him,
and now he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore.
And so you're in this like "screw you" attitude
with this guy and the more we stay and
you want him to experience pain the way that you're
in pain right now.
And the challenge is that pain doesn't transform pain.
Pain begets more pain.
And so the more we stay hooked to trying to cause pain
in somebody else that doesn't free us
or liberate us or transform our own experience, really
if you look what's underneath the desire to say
how do I make him regret losing me, is to transform the pain
that you're in into something even greater.
And so the strategies I'm gonna give you today
are gonna do just that.
They're for you to transform that feeling
that you're in right now, to transform the result
that you're experiencing right now into something greater
into more expansive love, into deeper connection,
into something even better than you had before.
Sometimes it'll be with this guy
'cause he will realize, "Oh my gosh,
I lost the best thing in you"
that he had ever had, that he lost you.
And that was the biggest mistake that he ever made.
And so he will come back.
These strategies can have that effect
'cause they're that powerful.
But even if he doesn't, even if that's not the end result
it will absolutely expand your life
and help you make welcome an even greater love story.
So let's dive in.
I'm gonna give you the five Fs
for fully transforming your experience.
And the first F is to free the relationship in your mind
which means let it go, set it free,
put it in the past, cleanse your life
of that relationship because that relationship
in its old form is no longer available to you.
That relationship won't restore itself.
If he is gonna come back
there's gonna be a new relationship that the two
of you create together
or you're gonna create something even better still.
So you want to take all the things that would
cause you to focus on him and remove those from your space.
Cleanse your space, take the photos that you have
of each other and put 'em in a folder
that you're not gonna look at.
Take the photos that are in your house
and replace them, remove them.
If you're not ready to throw things away, put them in a box.
Otherwise toss 'em, but unfollow him on social media.
Really cleanse your space because what you're doing
in this instance is you are removing your attention
from him. And guess what?
He's actually going to feel it.
We can sense when people are thinking about us,
there's psychic energy that stretches out.
And so when you remove your focus and attention from him
in your life, he's gonna feel that loss of attention.
He's gonna feel that loss of energy.
And it's so funny, it's like clockwork.
It's predictable that when someone really does
do the work where they say,
"Okay, I'm actually gonna release this in my mind,"
and I'm gonna put my focus on other things.
They will often, that ex will call you back.
You'll get that text, "Hey, I was just thinking about you."
Like, they'll feel lonely. They will feel the ache,
they will feel actually the absence
of your presence in their life.
And they'll call back out to reestablish it.
Not always because they want a relationship
but just because subconsciously they felt this loss.
And so they're reaching back out.
So notice that and be ready
for that if he actually calls you back.
So that's the first F is to free the relationship
in your mind.
The second F is to find your peace. Find your peace.
What this means is that there's some work to do
anytime we exit a relationship or someone breaks up with us.
And that's to grieve the old relationship, to
really let it go, to let ourselves feel what it feels like.
So often we're in denial and if we stay
in that energy of wanting to make him regret it
and whatnot and move into anger,
we're still attached to that old relationship.
So as we're freeing it in our mind, we also find our peace
which is to do the grieving work, to let yourself be sad
to let it move through you,
but then restore yourself to peace.
Do the forgiveness work.
If you've gotta forgive him for what he's done
if you've gotta forgive yourself for any parts
in this and for how you showed up and maybe areas
you weren't your best and you're angry at yourself for that
give yourself the gift of actually doing this
forgiveness work, doing the grieving work.
Because then what happens on the other side
of that is a sense of lightness, is this sense of freedom,
where you've set down the pain
you've set down the the burden
of whatever you were holding onto in the past.
And with that lightness comes more aliveness, more energy.
And here's what's fascinating.
You ever been in a relationship with somebody
maybe you've had this experience
in the past where maybe you broke up
with them and then you saw them maybe a month later
and there was a part of you,
the ego side of us wants that person to be sad
wants that person to feel heartache
because that would validate their emotions in us.
That would validate how important you were to them.
And that's very much an ego side.
When he sees you, let's say he's gonna run into you
at a bar or run into you out and about and he sees you.
And instead of being angry at him and resentful and spiteful
at him, instead of being sad and like,
"Oh, you know, I wish we were back together," that energy,
you're actually free, you're actually happy, you're alive
you're like a full version of yourself.
In that moment he's gonna be like,
"Whoa. Like look, I thought she would be
more shaken up about us. But look at her.
Look how resilient she is. Look how alive she is."
And that degree of aliveness is attractive to anybody.
And let me just say this can often be the hardest step
for us to do is to allow ourselves to grieve
to do the grieving work and do the forgiveness work.
And so if you want support with this
I've created a whole program called break free
which is how do you break free
from the blocks that are holding us back
from the real love life that you deserve?
And one big piece
of that is the forgiveness work and the grief work.
So if you want support with this
if you would love a course that is beautiful, that is deep
and that works and will help you do the forgiveness work
transform the grief,
I'm gonna post a link in the description.
Just click that link, you can check
out that course and I know it's gonna serve you a lot.
This brings us to the third F.
And the third F is to flourish.
The third F is to build your best life.
There are things, habits that when we're in relationships,
sometimes we let slide, right?
Like going to the gym or maybe not eating as healthy
as we want to be eating
because we're eating out and we're eating desserts
and we're sharing ice creams together
and all of these things.
So this is the moment right now
for you to make some commitments for yourself to say,
"Okay, what is my best life?"
"What are the habits that's really gonna pour into you?"
Where it's exercise,
where it's getting good sleep, where it's reading.
It might be taking that new class,
doing some things that are improving yourself.
Because when you are growing, you are glowing.
It's a fact when you are growing, you are glowing
you're emitting new life energy
in yourself and that's contagious.
And you are a highly attractive, highly radiant,
highly vibrant version of yourself.
So a couple months go by and you're growing yourself,
you're getting in the gym, you're working out,
you're feeling good and you are radiant, right?
Your body's on point.
You're looking like the best version of yourself.
You've got that new outfit on.
Your hair is done, you're looking radiant,
and you are just extra confident
because when you're growing confidence naturally unleashes
he's gonna be like, "Holy moly,
like, this is not the woman that I expected."
'Cause most people don't respond that way.
Most people go through a devastation, like a breakup
like this, and it takes 'em a long time to recover
'cause they're not resilient, they don't have this kind
of support in their life, but not you.
You can free this relationship in your mind.
You can find your peace and do that work.
And you can begin to flourish
by adopting a few one to three habits that you
know are gonna move you forward into living your best life.
Let me give you a quick example of this.
One of my coaching clients, this was part
of the process that we were doing in the flourish stage.
And she had gotten broken
up with this guy she thought she was gonna marry.
And she was like, oh, just devastated.
So she did the work, she released him and then she was like,
"Okay, my best life would be dancing."
And she loved to dance, but she's just gotten away
from it 'cause her ex never danced
and it was like a sore spot in their relationship.
But she made it, you know, work.
So now that she was free,
she was like, "Okay, I'm gonna dance."
And there was this great class called the Five Rhythms.
She stepped into the Five Rhythms dance class
and she loved it and she was on fire.
And so much so that she put it
in her online profile that she does Five Rhythms.
Next week, guy reads her profile, sees the Five Rhythms part
of her description, and hits her up on that.
And he was like, "No way, you do Five Rhythms,
I do Five Rhythms."
They connected, struck up this amazing romance
and now not only does she have her amazing man
but she has an amazing man that she can dance
with and it's an even better relationship for her.
And that same possibility exists for you as well
if you're willing to make a decision to flourish.
The fourth F as you're flourishing is to finish that goal.
You know the goal that I'm talking about
the goal that's been on your mind for a long time
that you put on the back burner, that you didn't have time
because you were always in this relationship.
Now's the time. Get that goal out.
That goal may have been a book that you wanted to write.
That goal may have been a trip that you wanted to take
but your schedules would never wind up.
You wanted to go to Europe or you wanted to go to Australia
or you wanted to go wherever.
Could be that trip that you wanted to take.
Always that lifetime trip. It may be the business
that side hustle that you wanted to start.
Whatever it is, maybe the volunteering
that you've always wanted to do. But finish that goal.
Pick one goal that you've always wanted.
And here's the thing,
chances are your ex is gonna know about this goal
because you've probably talked about it with him.
And then when you post pictures on social media,
imagine it's a trip.
You've always wanted to go to Turkey
you've always wanted to go to these hot springs in Turkey.
And then there you are in Turkey in the hot springs
and you're posting photos about this online.
And he sees this going, "Dang, she's living her best life.
Like, look at her like, she actually got unleashed
unlocked and is doing amazing now that I'm not in her life."
And he's gonna feel like he's left behind
and there's gonna be that feeling of he wants to catch up
he doesn't want to be left behind.
He also wants to be living an amazing life.
And so what I love
about these strategies is it really does have a dual effect.
It is going to cause these feelings in him
that if the two of you are meant to be together
and he just needs a wake up call
these are gonna cause him to come running back to you.
But regardless, maybe you don't even want him back.
They're gonna help you live your absolute best life.
And the fifth F
for fully transforming this relationship experience
is to focus on the new, focus on the new.
My challenge to you is come up
with a new vision for your love life.
Even if that other guy is a good fit
for you and he is gonna come back
that old relationship isn't gonna be the status quo.
You're gonna have to create something new with him anyway.
A new way of being. A new way of relating.
So create right now. This is the perfect time.
You've got a blank slate, to create whatever it is
that you would love. So focus on the new.
What would you love for your love life,
not what do you think is practical
or who's out there or any of that, no.
Give yourself like a magic wand and say
what would you really love?
And you focus on this new, come up with that vision
and then hold it in your mind.
See yourself living this vision. See this possibility?
There's nothing that ignites the human spirit more
than a possibility you are in love with.
So when you utilize these five Fs
in your relationship where you free the relationship
in your mind, you find the peace, you flourish,
you finish that goal and you focus on the new
you become a radiant, even more radiant, even more amazing,
even more fully alive version
of yourself that is completely healed
from that breakup and is ready for something amazing now.
My question for you is, if you're coming
out of a breakup, what are the most important elements
for you to be able to move into your best life?
Go ahead and post that in the comment section below.
I appreciate you. Thanks for watching. I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)