(electric music)
- [Olivia] Hi, I'm Olivia.
And today I'm going to be interviewing my exes.
Ugh, what's happening?
- [Dominic] Hi, I'm Dominic.
I'm 5'10, and I'm based outta Los Angeles.
Oh my God.
Olivia, what is happening here, dude?
I thought that I was freaking auditioning.
- [Olivia] You thought this was an audition?
- [Dominic] I don't know.
I wake up, I get an email to go somewhere,
I assume I'm gonna somehow make some money.
- [Olivia] Hi.
- [Hugh Man] You don't remember my name?
Well, that's probably
because I am wearing my current human form.
I am Hugh Man.
- [Olivia] Can I ask you some questions?
- [Hugh Man] You may ask,
all the questions you'd like, Jupiter
- [Olivia] Dude.
- [Sam] Hello.
( Olivia laughs)
- [Sam] It's me famous actor, Sam Lerner.
- [Olivia] These are his clothes.
- I mean, your clothes.
- [Sam] These are my clothes.
My awesome clothes.
(all laughing)
- [Shayne] Hey,
- [Olivia] Hey, Shayne.
- [Shayne] It's me, Shane.
Obviously, can't you tell?
(Shayne chukles)
- [Olivia] Didn't know I dated you.
- [Shayne] Yep, you did.
- [Olivia] What initially attracted you to me?
- [Dominic] We were at a party in the Hollywood Hills,
and I asked you if you were in line for the bathroom,
and then you said you are onion.
And I was just instantly, fully erect for some reason.
No, one's ever called me out like that.
- [Olivia] And then you said--
- [Dominic] And I was like,
I guess I'm onion and you must be sour cream cause--
- [Olivia] Sour cream and onion.
- [Dominic] Yeah, my favorite ladies.
- [Hugh Man] Well, I was hired by Titus Abrasax,
of the House of Abrasax.
The leading family dynasty in the galaxy.
- [Olivia] Yo.
- [Hugh Man] I was once a soldier.
- [Olivia] You're exactly,
what made me fall in love up with you.
- [Hugh Man] That's right.
- [Sam] My really stupid friend, Shayne told me about you.
After Shane set us up
we were at a grocery store at one point
and you were putting grapes in your shoes and stomping.
And I was like, what are you doing?
And you said I'm making wine for later.
- [Olivia] Yeah.
- [Sam] Lo and behold,
two years later you emptied those shoes
and you had an incredible Cabernet seven.
- [Shayne] I think it was the way
that you looked so small next to my biceps.
And when I would hold you,
it made me feel really big.
Next to your small body.
(All laughing)
- Also made me feel way smarter than you
(All laughing)
because I'm super smart.
- [Olivia] What was your favorite memory of us?
- [Dominic] Oh, okay.
So we were on a road trip to Airwan
you showed me celery juice
and it was the most (beeping) disgusting piece of (beeping)
like ninja turtle sewer slime crap.
But you cared about it, so I cared about it.
Yeah, that (beeping) clean you out.
As someone who refuses to wash their ass,
that just really does it so thank you.
It's basically a, bday just drink celery juice.
You can quote me on that.
- [Hugh Man] Do you remember the time
that you were working as just
a mere housekeeper and you needed to pay bills?
So you were going to sell your eggs.
It turned out those doctors were actually
alien keepers there to kill you.
I saved you barely using my skates
where I could fly through the air.
- [Sam] Probably the first time we went
to the Italian coast and we rented best buzz.
We got the biggest baguettes we could find.
And we just drove around.
We drove around just hitting mailboxes
and eventually we squared up
and we it's called Italian jousting.
- [Olivia] Did anyone recognize you?
- [Sam] Yeah.
- [Olivia] Yeah?
- [Sam] They were speaking Italian,
so I didn't understand it
but I could tell it'd be like a bunch of Italian.
They'd be like,
(Sam mumbles)
a monster house.
- [Olivia] Yeah.
- [Sam] Cause I was in monster house.
- [Olivia] Yeah.
- [Sam] I was the voice of Chowder.
Like I was on Resolian Isles--
(All chuckle)
- Harry's Law.
I was on an episode of Malcolm in the middle.
- [Olivia] You think you're really cool cause you're on TV.
- [Sam] Well, I know I'm cool.
Like I see the internet every day
and they're talking about hot boy, Sam learner.
- [Shayne] Favorite memory of us
was probably introducing you to Sam.
- [Olivia] What?
- [Shayne] I don't know.
I just really like that guy.
It was just really cool to introduce you
to someone they're way cooler than me.
(All laughing)
- Significantly cooler.
- [Olivia] Why did we break up?
- [Dominic] Didn't think you wanted to talk
about this with cameras around, but okay.
We were hooking up and I did what you like, I thought
which was, I grabbed your boob and said honk honk.
And you got pissed because,
and I understand because you prefer more like a
(toy sound)
and I'm sorry.
I did the wrong thing and I really upset you.
And I just knew I could never recover from that sexually.
So I had to just leave.
(toy sound)
- I've been practicing though.
- [Hugh Man] We did physically break up
when Titus captured us and spaced me.
He threw me out the airlock into space.
- [Olivia] Titus Saxophone?
- [Hugh Man] No Titus Abrasax.
- [Olivia] Oh, sorry.
- [Hugh Man] You see you are genetically the same
as the matriarch of the Abrasax family
and you own title to all of earth.
- [Olivia] What in the star
(beeping)
is happening.
- [Hugh Man] This is real.
These are real stories.
- [Sam] We were eating at Nobu obviously.
And the waiter asked us if we wanted sashimi
or wagyu beef we just kept debating back and forth.
You were like sashimi.
I was like wagyu beef, sashimi, wagyu beef.
And you were like, you never listen
to what I say or care about my opinion.
And I just said,
"You're just jealous of me
because I was in Project Almanac."
And everybody in the whole restaurant stared at us.
Kevin Durant was at the next table.
You're like fine.
You can have your wagyu beef and you left me there.
But luckily Timothee Chalamet was there, my buddy.
So we hopped on his two seater bicycle we rode back.
- [Shayne] We broke up because,
I was so busy with all my schooling
cause I'm never not learning something new.
I'm always taking a new class.
So there was no time for us
because I was just either at the gym or then taking a class.
- [Olivia] Do you even like acting?
- [Shayne] I try.
I'm not great at it, but I try to fit it in.
That's why we didn't work
out because I have such a packed schedule.
- [Olivia] Did you keep any secrets
from me when we were together?
- [Dominic] I know about the spaceship, okay?
- [Olivia] No, did you keep secrets from me?
- [Dominic] Yeah.
- [Olivia] Yeah, you said it in a way, assuming that--
- [Dominic] I kept the secret that I knew your secret about.
- [Olivia] This is like crazy gas lighting right now.
- [Dominic] No, it's not.
I know about your spaceship, okay?
My secret is that I kept my secret
that your secret that I knew your secret.
Don't talk about the spaceship?
- [Hugh Man] Can I be completely candid with you?
- [Olivia] Yes.
- [Hugh Man] I don't think you're a good actress.
You are okay in that seventies show,
and that's about it.
- [Olivia] All right, I'm Miller Kutis?
- [Hugh Man] You are Jupiter.
- [Sam] I've been secretly trying
to get Shayne fired from the Goldberg
for the past five years.
Every day, I give him a fake script
that I write out the night before.
None of the lines are real.
None of the characters are even named correctly.
He thinks my character's name is Jim Shorts.
- [Olivia] You're evil.
- [Sam] No, this is acting I'm A-list.
Shayne, he's not even on the alphabet.
- [Shayne] I may have had sex with Sam.
- [Olivia] What?
- [Shayne] Well, actually he had sex with me,
obviously guys such a top.
Ironic, I'm a top but he is really the top.
- [Olivia] You both cheated on me in a way.
- [Shayne] Yeah.
- [Shayne] Wait, what Sam cheated on you?
- Oh, with Shayne.
Well, that was before you guys with me, I'm Shayne.
(All laughing)
- That was before you guys got together.
- [Olivia] Okay, if you had the last word,
what would you say?
- [Olivia] Like he always gets me.
- [Hugh Man] Stream Jupiter ascending on HBO max
or probably anywhere.
- [Olivia] I knew it, I
(beeping)
knew it.
- [Sam] My last word is really more of a question.
- [Olivia] Okay.
- [Sam] Will you take me back?
- [Olivia] It's gonna be a big, no from me.
- Oh my God.
I gotta call my best friend, LeBron James.
I gotta call him.
LeBron, she's not gonna take me back.
What do I do, LeBron?
- [Shayne] It would be-
(Shayne groans)
- That would be it.
- [Olivia] A push up?
- [Shayne] Just a push up.
- [Sam] Okay enough!
- Enough of this.
- [Shayne] Who's that guy.
- It's me, Legend Sam Lerner, I'm back.
- Olivia don't waste your time with this idiot.
- [Olivia] I have a question for you both.
- [Shayne] Yeah.
- [Shayne] Yeah. Okay.
- Yeah, Can I stand too?
- [Olivia] Okay.
Here's my last question for you both.
- [Olivia] Okay.
Gold birds or me?
- [Shayne] I would choose you,
because the Goldbergs is Sam's show
- [Sam] Right, it's much more difficult for me.
He's hardly the on it.
And when he is, when he is there, he has like one line.
- [Shayne] Yeah.
- [] And they usually cut it.
- [Sam] And yeah, they cut it cause not, I'm not great.
- [Sam] I choose you.
That's why the fans have always shipped us life--
- [Olivia] I'm making this really awkward
for all of us.
- [Shayne] I'm just here me and me.
- [Sam] Yeah, he's just here being a dumb idiot.
- [Olivia] Can you guys like make up,
cause this makes feel so bad.
- [Olivia] Honestly, I think I've presented you
all this time Shayne because, I love you.
We don't need Olivia, we have each other.
- [Shayne] I don't think we do.
- [Sam] Your loss.
- [Shayne] We're out.
- [Sam] See you later.
- [Shayne] Peace.
- [Sam] Whatever.
- [Olivia] Okay.
- [Sam] Just two hot boy actors.
- [Olivia] Did I just get double dumped?
- [Sam] You got double dumped.
- [Olivia] Hey guys, just got dumped by my ex.
Is that even possible?
Anyways, thank you guys so much
for watching me be uncomfortable.
I have to go home on my spaceship back to Titus.
Who do you guys wanna see
do the next ex interview?
You, I don't know.
Maybe Shayne or Sam.
I don't know what's going on.
Help.