Wow.
Hi, Jimmy.
How are you?
I'm excited to be here.
I really am.
Thank you for being my first guest on our last season.
Thank you so much.
What?
What am I?
Your first-- you're the first guest of our last season.
I'm not the-- this is not the final show?
No, no.
We just started back.
I thought I was your last--
I-- oh, I'm so sorry.
I just thought I was like your Bette Midler.
I was going to sing and everything.
Wow, well, what would you-- go ahead.
It was-- I was going to sing "Wind Beneath My Wings."
Oh no.
And it would have been incredible.
But now I'm not going to now that I know I'm the first.
Really?
Well, you know what, maybe I'll be invited back.
I won't be invited back, will I?
This is it for me, isn't it?
No, you're going to come back as many times as you want.
This is your 20th appearance.
You're here all the time.
What?
My 20th appearance.
Yeah.
Wow.
I have to be honest.
That seems like too much.
That seems like too much me.
No.
You've been on my show, what, like four times?
Yeah.
You owe me 16 appearances.
Yeah, all right.
I will do 16 in a row.
That'd be great.
Yeah.
That'd be real great actually.
I'm going to have a lot of free time.
So whatever you want.
You look fantastic.
Yeah, you do too.
And congratulations, by the way.
I know we're making a lot of jokes here.
But this is quite an accomplishment.
I mean, you've been-- this is your 19th season, right?
Yep.
You couldn't go to 20, huh?
Couldn't really?
No?
Nope.
Again, 19's good.
20--
Yeah, it really is.
But really, you've made so many people happy.
You've done so many great things.
And look at these people.
Some of these people waited 14, 11, 12 years--
I know.
It's sweet.
--to be here.
And they're here.
It's really sweet.
Hey, can we talk about some of your appearances
because before you were going to host the Oscars you were here.
And we helped you get ready for that.
That's right.
There are so many different things that you have done,
so many different events that--
So many dumb things I've done on the show.
That was to get you ready for the Oscars, I believe.
What was happening there?
Well, you were going to lose some weight for some reason.
We don't think you need to.
But I think that was Kim thinking
that you could sweat some.
And then you had a mask on.
Yeah, it looks like we were doing a sex thing is really
what it looks like, right?
Yeah.
Well--
It's kind of weird S&M type situation.
Yeah, I don't know what kind of sex thing you do.
That doesn't look like a sex thing to me.
But there was a time that you, for whatever reason--
do you remember the bubble wrap that you came out in?
Vaguely, yes.
As I recall, it was like Christmas time.
And I'd been getting a lot of packages.
Is that why?
I saw a clip today.
And I want to show it because I don't know why you did this.
But maybe that is--
he decided to come out in this outfit for the talk show.
You're probably losing weight as we speak right now.
I hope so because this is ridiculous.
I feel like I should roll you around and pop all of them.
Go ahead.
Do you want to roll me around?
Yes, I do.
Here.
Can you help me up?
Roll me down the stairs maybe.
All right.
[GRUNTS]
That wasn't popping.
That was my knees.
All right.
Ready?
All right.
Careful.
It's perfectly safe.
You should have something for your head.
This is the greatest way to travel.
Now I'm going to throw up.
[LAUGHTER]
I really beat Lil Demon's record.
Thank you.
I may have to just lay here for the rest of the show.
[LAUGHTER]
There we go.
[STRAINING]
Every part of me is exploding.
[LAUGHTER]
I do remember that.
Yeah.
That was when I was governor of New Jersey, right?
Yeah.
You know what the nice thing about Ellen is not only--
she rolled me all the way home, which is very sweet.
That's who I am.
And then you had to do the entire interview,
even though we talked about other things, in that.
That-- you know what, that's a great tip for young talk show
guests is sometimes you decide to wear something foolish.
Like, for instance, the first time
I was on the David Letterman show, I had a bit where I said,
Dave, I've admired you for so many years.
In fact, when I was in high school,
I got a tattoo of your face on my chest.
And I took off my shirt to reveal a tattoo of Dave's face
on my chest.
And what I didn't realize is that
then I had to sit there for the whole rest
of the show with no shirt on--
Sure.
--which was strange.
Oh, and there it is.
Yeah.
And you could see I was in terrific physical condition.
[LAUGHTER]
It looks more like gangrene than a tattoo.
[LAUGHTER]
That doesn't look like a good tattoo at all.
Yeah, but just know that if you come out in a dumb outfit,
you're going to have to commit.
The entire segment.
Isn't it weird being the only two people not wearing masks
in a room?
I mean, it really makes you feel like you're
getting all the germs.
[LAUGHTER]
No, wait.
There's no germs.
Right.
There's no germs.
There's germs.
You know, they're coming out of all kinds of places.
There's no germs.
Hey, what's the RV trip that you did with Kristen and Dax?
I know that you love to go to different places.
But I didn't know you RVed.
Yes.
I bought an RV last summer, as I was telling you, because we
didn't want to see anybody.
So we got this RV.
And I have two little kids.
And we say to the kids, don't use the bathroom.
If you need to use the bathroom, we'll pull over.
We'll go in a thing.
Of course, 11 minutes into the trip,
they're right in the bathroom.
That's the point of an RV, so you
don't have to stop and go to the gas station, right?
What are you, one of my kids now?
[LAUGHTER]
So sorry.
The kids are crazy.
Billy, my son, is four years old.
He's laying in the bathtub the other day.
And he lets the water drain all the way down.
And he says to my wife, he goes, look at my penis.
It's like Billy, I'm not looking at your penis.
He goes, look at my penis 1,000 times.
[LAUGHTER]
And my daughter just started school.
And so we pull up to the school for the first day.
Totally true story.
There's a wall.
And all the children have written--
last year, they wrote in chalk on the wall
before they left for COVID.
And there are flowers and rainbows and ponies
and all this kind of stuff except for one
section of the wall that says "butt crack."
And then it's signed Jane.
This is her contribution to the wall.
And I pulled her.
I said, listen, you know, you can't write butt crack
on the wall at school.
And if you do, don't put your name on it.
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
What are crazy?
All right, we have to take a break, Jimmy.
That still happens.
All right.
Yeah, we'll be back.
We're back with Jimmy Kimmel.
And your oldest daughter, how old is your oldest daughter?
Nobody knows.
She's a rescue.
[LAUGHTER]
She's 30.
She actually turned 30 two weeks ago,
which is strange to have a 30-year-old daughter.
And she is getting married this weekend as a matter of fact.
I heard that.
That's amazing.
Yeah.
Which is a big deal.
Congratulations.
Yeah, I guess.
I don't know.
People keep saying congratulations.
I don't know what I'm being congratulated for.
Congratulations on raising a human that is attractive enough
to be taken by one person.
It's not like we were trying to get rid of her.
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
It's not like we're selling a houseboat on eBay or something
like that.
But I guess congratulations is the thing.
Well, and especially if you like him.
Do you like him?
I do like him.
People ask that too.
Like, how's the guy?
And I'll tell you.
The guy is great.
And his name's Will.
And he's a great guy.
And if he wasn't, he'd be dead right now.
[LAUGHTER]
Wow, you just turn like that.
That's how we operate in my family.
Yeah.
[LAUGHTER]
But it's a big weekend.
So she's getting married on Saturday.
And then on Sunday, you're nominated for an Emmy.
Oh, thank you for--
thank you for bringing that up.
[LAUGHTER]
I am-- you know, it's another weird year.
Last year, I hosted the Emmys, and there was nobody there.
And this year, there are going to be some people there.
But I won't be.
We're going to lose remotely this year.
That's our plan.
We'll be at the house watching the Emmys.
And then they'll have a camera to catch that moment
of disappointment when we lose.
No.
And then we'll go eat something.
No.
Why do you say-- who's going to win?
Who do you think is going to win?
I'm kind of rooting for Conan.
You know, it was his last season.
Yeah.
And-- you know, you guys could clap for Conan if you want.
[APPLAUSE]
But I just know that it won't be us.
Yeah.
Well, OK.
But you could be surprised.
But it seems like you know.
Let's talk about the ESPN documentary
that you are producing.
That's right.
Tomorrow and Wednesday are--
it's something that I've been working on.
It's a documentary about the 1986 New York Mets team.
This is a team that won the World Series.
The Mets are a long suffering baseball franchise.
The way they won, it was miraculous in and of itself.
And this is a team that really should--
it should have been a prison team, this team.
Some of the stuff that these guys were doing
was probably unacceptable then, certainly
would not be accepted now.
But we're talking about drugs and all sorts of things going
on with this team that was a great team, full
of colorful characters.
And we got some footage that--
this story has been told before, but never like this.
We have all the players.
We've got Mookie Wilson, Keith Hernandez, Gary--
well, Gary Carter passed away--
Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden.
All the guys are speaking about that team.
And it's totally unvarnished.
That's great.
And the name of it is?
It's "Once Upon a Time in Queens."
"Once Upon a Time in Queens."
It's on ESPN.
On ESPN.
30 for 30.
All right.
Jimmy, thank you so much for being here.
Thank you, Ellen.
You're not going anywhere.
But I'm just saying thank you.
Oh, I'm not.
Oh, good.
I'm just saying thank you.
Oh, good.
That's nice.
It's courteous.
Yeah, I want to say it as often as possible.
[LAUGHTER]
I appreciate it.
We'll take a break.
[LAUGHTER]