More people than I thought.
It's fine. I'm a cucumber.
Just get me close enough to get a shot off.
I love you so much, babe.
You brought a gun?!
Jeff, you cannot shoot Scottie Pippen.
But your mom said we need his body to save the junkyard.
Cemetery. And we only need him to buy a plot.
We just have to talk to him.
Next. What am I signing?
With any luck, an invoice for a coffin!
Mr. Pippen, have you put any thought into your burial plan?
Mm, I have been meaning
to get my affairs in order for awhile now.
Well, we have a gorgeous little cemetery
we'd love to show you some ti--
Okay.
Oh, right now? Great!
This little guy's not with you, is he?
He's got a bad energy.
He's all sweaty like we're on a date.
This isn't a trick date with this dude, is it?
[ Chuckles ] Don't worry about me, Mr. Poppins.
I was just nervous from before about killing you.
Do you really have 11 siblings?
How did you guys go to the movies?
Is the Olympic Village really just one big sex pile?
How many feet high are you?
Was the set of "He Got Game" really just one big sex pile?
I'm sorry if my family
seems a little starstruck, Mr. Pippin.
We're all huge fans of yours.
I'm gonna be honest with you. My book sales are down.
That's why I agreed to come here.
So, you'll buy a plot?
I can do better.
What would you say to burying me here tonight?
Everybody make up their damn minds!
My publisher thinks I'll sell more books
if I fake my own death.
I'd get a chance to make the best-sellers list,
and you'll get to lock in a celebrity here forever.
I would just need to lay low with you for a while.
So what do you say?
Goodbye, Scottie Pippen.
And hello, savings!
While other cemeteries may ask an arm and a leg for burial,
our family business believes your limbs
should be buried with you.
Unless they were lost
in an industrial accident or something. Ha.
Down here at Sweet Surrender, we got deals to die for
and burial sites for every taste.
From water features to lush greenery,
we got it all, basically.
And we're excited to announce starting today,
the only thing lower than our prices
is the body of NBA champion Scottie Pippen!
He's dead.
So come on down to the best little cemetery
in Langley Falls, Sweet Surrender,
and spend eternity with Scottie Pippen.
Who is, as we just proved, dead now.
When did you get a TV in here?
Um, around the same time as the whiteboard.
Oh. Okay, back to work.
Now, we need a theme that's going to scream cool,
unique, exclusive.
Good luck topping this one Stan --
"A Night to Remember."
What do you have?
"World War I Christmas Truce."
It's bad. I hate it.
Hey, buddy, come on. I like it.
I'm putting it on the board, I like it so much.
But we'll just know in our hearts
that we're doing mine, okay?
Menu items! Hit me.
Cream-top lasagna?
[ Gasps ] Did you say spiked soft-serve?
Did I? Yes!
Adult ice cream. I love it.
We'll call it hard serve. What do you think?
I don't know.
Great. It's settled.
Now, suspenders for the bartenders.
I personally like the denim ones.
The kind with the buckles at the tops
and they're, like, part of the pants.
Overalls? No!
Stan, your ideas are terrible!
Okay.
Denim suspenders locked in.
Moving on.
We're sorry for your loss.
But take comfort, your grandmother's coffin
will be touching Scottie Pippen's for eternity.
It's all she ever wanted.
Cha-ching!
Boy, I thought the commercial
might help move the needle a little,
but to fill up in one day?
Wow.
And to think, all these people wanted to buried next to me,
world-famous novelist Scottie Pippen.
[ Sniffs ] Oof. And they're starting to stink.
We should maybe come up with some sort
of a refrigeration system.
No time. We've got a lot of bodies to prepare.
You know, we could just put up the headstones
and dump all these in the pool.
Seal it over with concrete. You mean a mass grave?
Yes! Thank you, Steve, for putting words to my idea.
I love all the support and positivity without Stan around.
Where's Dad been lately?