Ethan: What up pimps? We are about to give me and hila a colonoscopy
Hila: On camera Ethan: Metaphorically, yeah
Metaphorically speaking, I mean you're not gonna see the inside of our anuses
Hila: That's a shame Ehtan: but you will metaphorically
Yeah, I could shove a camera up your ass if you want
I'm sure there's several people out there who are like
[licking noises]
We just subscribed to one of these ancestry websites
[Ethan spits] Oh God
Hila: Gross
Ethan: Oh God
Usually people would have to pay to watch me do this
[Ethan spits]
Basically it tells you everything about yourself: where your family's from, what cancer you're gonna die from
And all kinds of other weird medical shit
I haven't looked at it
But I'm pretty excited to see it. What I'm not excited about which I just learned is that they sell your data
Did you know that? I just heard about it
It's so creepy your medical data
Did they could clone us now dude!
Ethan: Is it gay if you fuck a clone of yourself? Hila: Yeah.
Ethan: Cuz it's like masturbating because you would you touch your own dick, but people don't say that's gay.
Hila: I think you're gay
(Off Camera) Dan: I don't know if it's gay but isn't it incest? Ethan: Oh, if you fuck yourself?
Ethan: Yeah, so what if a clone of you sucks you off is that incest Dan? Hila: It's incest and it's gay
Ethan: So let's start with me. This is kind of hilariously sad so let's start with my genetic background my ancestry.
I am 99.7% European
99.1% Ashkenazi Jewish
I might- I might be crowned...
People always say Jesus is the king of the Jews I might be the King of the Jews.
I doubt even Jesus was 99.1% Ashkenazi Jew
Hila: Yeah, I doubt it too.
Years and years of incest have led me to being 99.1% pure bred Ashkenazi Jewish
Which explains why I have Tourette's, why I have all these genetic problems, Why I'm OCD
Everyone in my family's insane. Well here's the proof is in the pudding. I'm actually shocked by that
Why didn't I get this report before we got married? Yeah?
That's a dark world where you're like I need to see your DNA result before we get married
Yours is way more diverse man. This is powerful. This is a good thing
It's so good that work I didn't marry another Ashkenazi Jew
because our kids will come out with like seven fingers on one hand and shit.
Okay, so Iraqi 43%
And I, from my knowledge, have no Iraqi in my family
Dude, if your mom and dad need to be talking about
"What's this 43% Iraqi?" cuz what's your dad?
So my dad is Libya which is 28% here
Doesn't add up
It's pretty weird that
It says Iraq and not
Turkey
I think it's just the way they started to classify it but...
Did you tell your mom this yet? Do your parents, do your siblings know about that your Iraqi?
No way. But the good news Hila is that you are 10% Italian
So that's some swag points right there. That's gucci as fuck
That was the one I was really happy to see, cause I love pasta
Did you tell your dad that your 10% Italian? I did, and he was like- Did he swell with joy?
He was like "didn't I always say we were Italian?"
Ten percent
Only 4% Ashkenazi Jew
Dude you're straight muggle blooded how's a pure blood wizard like me supposed to get
hook up with a muggle blooded 4% Ashkenazi Jew?
But true love transcends all boundaries of race
*Imitating Italian Accent* "Hey, you're Italian forget about it huh, hey all your problems forget it you're Italian"
Ethan your impression is NOT my goddamn culture
Oof, shit, 10% dude
Wellness report find out how your DNA may affect your body's response to diet exercise and sleep. Whoa. This is interesting
This is you? This is me
Predisposed to weigh above average Bro I knew there was a reason I was fat that wasn't my fault. It's not my fault!
About average
Oh
Predisposed
It's my fault I'm a fat fuckin idiot who eats too much food. I thought they're like you're fat, and you have no controls, and I was like thank god
Let me get a burger right now
This thing says I'm destined to be fat
Lactose-intolerant likely intolerant. maybe that could explain why it looks like a dam broke every time I take a shit
I'm like, I'm not lactose intolerant Meanwhile in the bathroom the dam broke
And there's no life left in the whole goddamn country basin. Muscle composition common in elite power athletes
Are you fucking kidding me?
common in elite power athletes whoa
So you are...
What happened?
Feel it, bro. That's that's straight-up elite power. You look you need to appreciate what it's happening here. Oh
My god, this is interesting Oh
Genetic weight, predisposed to weigh less than average. Thank you. Tell that to my dad
I need to print this and wear it over me. Last time you went to Israel my aunt was there my
Dad's sister and the first thing she says to me. She hasn't seen me in like five years the first thing
She says like what happened. You look are you okay? You look sick?
It's like bitch, DNA.com, read it Likely intolerant of lactose
Interesting. how's your poops?
It's fine Are you sure cuz you didn't flush a couple days ago and I have to say it was
I did flush!
It didn't work but I did flush
I'm just saying it wasn't as healthy-looking as I thought it'd be
you're in and out of there fast
And I take my time I was like well, maybe she's just doing one wipe. I'm not sure about it.
I don't know just saying
It's not a one wipe
It's not
Maybe you're lactose intolerant. I don't know
How many wipes how many wipes?
Okay
What, you don't wanna have this conversation now
Our genetic health risk reports tell you how your DNA can affect your chances of developing certain health conditions
Oh God, I'm actually getting anxious right now
I don't like what I'm seeing here already Here we go
Oh my god, I'm getting anxious
Cancer results just tell me. Why you making me click. Just tell me
This is so annoying just fucking oh, they're trying to be like
They're being like it's not that serious. Don't worry about it. Don't freak out
ZERO VARIANTS DETECTED!
What was this one for?
They freak you the fuck out dude
They make your ass click through all this shit like it's all gonna be ok this is just the brca1 and 2
I don't know these are associated with breast cancer risk
You do not have the three genetic variants, okay,
I feel like I'm playing Russian roulette right now
I just pulled the trigger and I was like
still here
That was fucking scary. Oh my god. My heart is racing. This is scary. This is fucked up
Late onset Alzheimer's disease alright. Let's go. fuck it. This is so scary here
They're making me do this whole shit again like it's all gonna be okay. You know it. Don't worry about it. You're gonna live
You do not have oh my god
Bullet number two
Empty chamber woah dude. Oh my god
You do not have that variant we tested this shit is fucked up
I'm, dude
Dude this is so scary I don't know if you should know this stuff about yourself
Parkinson's disease I've always suspected. I'm gonna get Parkins disease. I'm so scared. I'm so scared you do not oh
my god
I'm so happy I checked that no, but that was so scary. I don't recommend you guys check this out
I recommend you do this. They're gonna sell your ass. They're gonna clone you so that you can fuck yourself
You have two copies of a genetic variant age-related
Macular is a good generation. It's a common cause of irreversible vision loss
Shit, you know what I'll take vision loss like
Compare like I got through the gauntlet man. I'll take vision loss. What is this deficiency?
hereditary hemochromatosis
The fuck that is is a genetic condition characterized by absorption of too much dietary iron this may lead to iron overload which may
Result in your increased super athlete muscles going crazy, which can cause damage to joints
It's in food Hila. You know what food is? I know your ass is disposed to be blessed, but people eat food, okay
Now I'm, okay
Ok so now let's find out that I'm dying
Alright so basically, I've got like liver disease or something, but who cares and I'm gonna be blind by by the time
I'm sixty, but honestly whoa that was so scary
Alright, Hila. Let's do this man alright. So this is like the breast cancer and ovarian
Cancer one you want to hold my hand I mean, it's scary, dude
not even joking
zero, thank God
Thank God
That one I was really scared of we're not done Alzheimer's don't
Thank God I read it wrong. It said before I thought it to get more Berrien so I was like you're fucked
Yeah, holy shit
Give the armpit genetics a little bit. This is fucking terrifying, bro
all right Parkinson's
Zero I
Need a hug I mean you got I feel fortunate
I feel like you're so lucky that we made it through that together like holy shit
That was I'm not like this got really serious. I feel bad for anyone who does have this night
I'm not sure that you guys should test that because of that stuff. You can't well the cancer wants
Good to know about yeah, because you can prevent breast and ovarian cancer by you know just well
but the other ones you can't control I
Love you. We did it. We're gonna live
It's like if I got bad news. I was about to drop that like just right here right now. That was terrifying
I actually when I got to that serious stuff
Do they know that I was like, maybe I don't know if we should be filming this and then when you were fine
I thought I'm definitely gonna. I was I thought for sure you were gonna be like goner
Now I feel bad for everyone who does that
Who does and gets yeah
But Fuck em dude
We're gonna live, we're gonna live good We're gonna live
I'm not high fiving that
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Thanks for watching guys appreciate you