What to do if you lost your virginity? Can God bless your marriage if you are not a virgin? I
believe that this video will help a lot of people who are dealing with guilt and shame
and as well as for Christians who are maybe wrestling with these questions as well. Before we
answer these questions I would like to welcome you to this channel and remind you to click subscribe,
click on the bell so that you can be reminded each time that we go live and don't forget to
like this video so that other people can find it and you can share it with others if you find
it beneficial to you. Now when it comes to virginity and I have another video about the
power of virginity and the importance of keeping yourself holy and keeping yourself pure until you
get married. It is God's will for us to live in holiness, in sanctification and with that said
I am a pastor. I became a youth pastor at the age of 16 and I'm 35 now and so all of these
years I've seen people come to know Christ. And a lot of people who come to know Christ
come from very broken backgrounds and people who have not only lost their virginity, people
who have committed sexual immorality. And I've seen God do some amazing work in people's lives:
restoring them, people getting married, people having children and eventually God really just,
almost like making them brand new. Also there was a time I was single. I was a
virgin and I was dating my wife and then we got married at the age of 24 and I was a virgin.
You know on a wedding night I lost my virginity and so with that said, my wife on the other hand,
as some of you people know her testimony. That she was a pastor's daughter and she did not believe
in following Jesus for some time. There was a lot of peer pressure and she walked away from God,
walked away from church and walked away from serving God. And she started to get involved with
drugs and alcohol and sexual immorality. And so we have this combination of my past and her past.
Some of you know my testimony as well with the issue of pornography and so therefore even when
I call myself a virgin, when I was a virgin. I really didn't see myself as a virgin because
mentally I lost my virginity mentally, the moment I got exposed to pornography and I was addicted
to pornography and God, you know delivered me afterwards. And so I was at one camp. Before
I dive into the scripture I was at one camp one time and I remember there was a panel of pastors
and I was on the panel and somebody asked the question about should they marry somebody who is
not a virgin, if they are a virgin? And one of the people on the panel said no you should
never marry somebody who's not a virgin because you're settling for second best. They didn't keep
themselves for you and people who not virgins, they really are not going to be blessed by God
because they already messed up. You know when I heard that I was not in a relationship at the time
with my now wife but I knew so many people in our church who got saved who came from the world. And
I'm thinking, I was like, man I'm so glad they're not here. I'm like this is going to be such a
death blow to them because what am I going to tell them? Hey God has forgiven you but you're honestly
going to have a pretty messed up life from now on because of what you did, and Jesus did redeem you,
but like not really redeemed you, like you're still going to have to live with the consequences
of your sins and honestly just don't get married because you're gonna pay for consequences of that.
And so I kind of wrestled with those questions until I met my wife. And in fact some of you know
my story is that when I met my wife on her first date. When I found out that she was not a virgin
I broke up with her the next day. Yeah I know, horrible me. I broke up with her because I was
afraid. And I was afraid that you know, will I be able to enjoy relationship with her knowing that
she's been with somebody else. I had questions and it was hard for me to process and it wasn't
just because I was self-righteous. It's just, it was challenging for me to process and then we
went on a 21-day fast and after that God gave me peace and I started talking to her. And honestly
this issue about her past never bothered me. A few times in our marriage we discussed it but
it wasn't an issue of pain. It was an issue of guilt and shame and so I would say that,
you know now 11 years being married, I want to share with you a few things okay,
from the scripture. The example that what I use is the example of Rahab. Matthew 1:5-6 tells us that:
You know Rahab was a prostitute and she married one of the spies who came to visit Jericho. His
name was Salmon and not only she married him but they also produced a child named Boaz. Now we all
know Boaz. So his mom was Rahab. Like people don't realize when they're reading the book of Ruth,
is that Boaz's mom was Rahab and Boaz gets married to a girl named Ruth who's like a
Moabite. And they produce Obed and Obed produces Jesse and Jesse produces David and then the God
mentions these women in the genealogy of Jesus. I really believe that when Rahab believed in God,
God not only just saved her from the wrath of God that He poured out on the city of Jericho
but God also redeemed her from the life of sin. We don't see Rahab ever going back into prostitution
or sexual immorality and not only that but God actually restored her future. God didn't just,
you know, save her from Jericho, saved her from His wrath and then kind of threw her somewhere
behind the scenes and you know, kind of like buried her somewhere like in the unknown. No. God
actually restored her future and she married. She had a great marriage with one of Israel man and
though she had this past and this was under the old covenant. And so we see in the new covenant
the woman is caught in the act of adultery and she didn't even repent to Jesus. She doesn't
apologize. She doesn't confess. She gets caught okay. So like, it's not real repentance okay,
when you get caught all right. And so John 8:11 you know Jesus is silencing her accusers and then
He says, hey your accusers are gone. And Jesus is saying, you know, is anybody else accusing you?
And she says, no Lord. And Jesus said to her," Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more." I
really believe when there is a deep repentance for our sin, for what we've done, especially you know,
loss of virginity, sexual immorality; Jesus extends the gift of no condemnation and with
that gift He gives us power not to go and sin again, but to go and sin no more. You know this
adulterous woman was caught in the act of sexual sin. Jesus was the only one qualified to throw
the first stone but He gave her the gift of no condemnation. The problem with a lot of people
who lost their virginity is that they live with condemnation and condemnation causes them to go
back into sin again and again. If you commit any sexual immorality you must understand the
biggest problem is not the actual sexual sin, it's the condemnation. And it's not the sexual
sin are the hardest for Jesus to forgive. It's that honestly it's harder for us to recover and
heal from those sins because unlike other sins, sex really deals with our soul. It deals with
our body. It deals with our inner being. There's that intimacy that takes place and people develop
soul ties after that and God can forgive but for people to heal up, it's not easy. And on the top
of that the guilt and the shame that people wrestle with makes it very difficult for them
to live a holy life afterwards. I really believe that if you struggled with sexual sin you cannot
live a holy life until you embrace the gift of no condemnation. Now I'm gonna look at the writings
of Paul and this will really help somebody who is listening. 1 Corinthians 6:9- 11 it says:
Come on somebody. Dropped it in the chat. And such were some of you. So who were Corinthians?
Fornicators, idolaters, adulterers, homosexuals, sodomites, thieves, covetous, drunk revilers,
extortioners. And Paul says, such were some of you. But look what happened:
Man this is so good. In 2 Corinthians 11:2 Paul is saying this. He's saying:
Whoa! Whoa! Paul did you forget who they were? Like they were homosexual, fornicators.
Paul you're saying you're gonna present them as a virgin. Like, they lost their virginity. I know
they were washed, justified and sanctified but like, they're not virgins anymore. I love this
about Paul because Paul is saying that, not only some of us were like that and then we were washed,
sanctified and justified. But God is actually gonna restore and He's going to remove the stain
of sexual sin and not only that, He's so powerful to even restore our purity and our innocence and
to give us hope, to give us future. "For I know the plans that I think of you," says the Lord."
I know the thoughts that I think of you. Thoughts of hope. Thoughts of future." That was our wedding
verse. To be hopeful of the future because of the blood, because of the cross, because of what
Jesus did. So in the conclusion let me share with you just five practical things to take home with
you. If you lost your virginity, if your deeply repentant, your heart is broken, you've committed
sexual sin and maybe you're watching it and this happened recently and you can't forgive yourself
and you're struggling with guilt and condemnation and you feel like your future is gone. Especially
maybe you grew up in circles where virginity was the prerequisite for a blessing of God. If you're
not a virgin, whether you came from the world or not, doesn't matter. Your future is completely
gone. Listen to this. Number one: Jesus is better at saving you than you are at sinning. Jesus
is a way better Savior than you are a sinner. Can we agree on that. You're not that good sinning
Jesus is way better at saving. He's the great Savior. His grace is amazing. Number two: Forgive
yourself even as Jesus has forgiven you. Now there is no explicit scripture in the Bible that says
to forgive yourself. But when Jesus says," I don't condemn you." You can go and not condemn yourself.
The Bible says," There's no condemnation to those who are in Christ." Now as long as
you are in your sin, yeah there is condemnation. But if you are in Christ and you repented. Like,
don't live in condemnation. Forgive yourself. Like, if God being holly forgiven you,
take your eyes off of yourself and fix your eyes on the cross, fix your eyes on the blood,
fix your eyes and you've been washed, you've been sanctified and you've been justified. Release
yourself from the prison of guilt and condemnation if Christ has released you. Number three: Condemn
condemnation or you will live in compromise. Now if you are, right now, not in Christ, yeah,
you're going to be in condemnation. But if you are in Christ, if you repented, reject condemnation.
Because condemnation promises to help you live a better life but a lot of times it imprisons
you to your past and causes you to repeat it. You know when you accept God's grace ,God's grace is
not just something that puts all of your sins under the rug and gives you an excuse to sin.
No. It gives you power to live a holy life. God's grace appeared to all men, giving them salvation
and teaching them to deny ungodliness. Teaching them to live a holy life. God's grace is not
just a gift that gives you forgiveness. It's the power that gives you a holy life. Number four:
Receive and enjoy your new identity as a new creation. God doesn't look at you as somebody who
lost their virginity whose future is dark. God looks at you as a new creation. New in Christ,
chosen generation, royal priesthood, His own special people called out of darkness into
His marvelous light. See yourself like that. The enemy will remind you of your past, that's
the only information he has about you but when he reminds you about your past, remind him about his
future. He's going to hell. You may be coming from hell, you might be coming from compromised sin and
and darkness but satan is headed into a Christless lake of fire. You're not going there and so look
forward to your future in Christ, in Jesus. And number five: Get deliverance, inner healing and
counseling if you develop certain wounds, soul ties or honestly picked up demons from the sexual
sins that you've committed. If you've had or you're seeing that this is becoming a repeated
pattern of constant compromise ask for prayer. What I'm saying is get help. Don't just simply
pray a sinner's prayer again. Get help. Tell somebody. Talk to somebody. I'm not talking about
going on instagram and facebook and publicly, you know, airing your dirty laundry. I'm talking about
going to somebody you trust. Somebody who can guide you. Somebody who can hold you accountable.
Somebody who can pray with you. Somebody who can guide you in the paths of sanctification so that
you can live a life that glorifies God. And so we've been married for 11 years. I can't say that
the decisions that my wife has made did not affect our marriage. I can't say that the pornography
that I observed, even though God delivered me many years before I got married, that it did not affect
our marriage. There were certain things we had to deal with. Certain things we had to bring to
the light. Certain things that we had to bring to God. Certain things that we had to confess.
Certain things that we had to ask God's Word to wash us and certain things that we have to be very
careful about, even till this day. So I'm not, I don't want to ever paint a picture then, yeah
just kind of do whatever you want, forgive and as long as you think positive thoughts there'll be
no consequences. There might be consequences but I truly believe that with Christ we can look forward
to our future. Future blessed by God and such were some of you but you were washed, you were
sanctified and you were justified. Live for Jesus. "Nor do I condemn you," Jesus said, "But go and
sin no more." Thank you for watching this video. I hope this was a blessing and encouragement to you,
for those of you especially maybe who are battling with this or know somebody who's battling with
that. Share with your friends and family or maybe share online so that people can find hope and so
they can be reminded of what Jesus did on the cross for us. Hit like on this video and don't
forget to subscribe and turn on the bell. Also if you like the shirt that I'm wearing, it's a
shirt of Catherine Kuhlman. We love the Holy Spirit and we love what God was doing through her.
You can go on our store on the video below and get a shirt like that. It will be a blessing
personally to me and Lana and our dog. If you're interested more in this content
and check out my book called, single ready to mingle or a new e-course that I have. Actually
it's an older course now called dating without fornicating, and Vlad school and you can get the
book and the e-course for free on my website. Thank you for watching and until next video.