• From peeing into a public pool to fat shaming strangers, we count fifteen ways kids
have embarrassed their parents!
15 – Fat Shaming, • Kids are basically drunk little adults.
You never know when they’re gonna come out with an ice-cold serve of brutal honesty.
Well, according to parenting forums, it turns out most kids really like fat shaming strangers.
• One woman wrote that she would often look in the mirror, sigh, and say, ‘I’m the
fattest woman in the world.’
Her kid picked up on this and, naturally, when he saw an even bigger woman at a shopping
centre, he yelled, ‘LOOK MUMMY!
YOU’RE NOT THE FATTEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD!
SHE IS!’
• Other incidents involved a little boy pointing at an overweight women and saying,
‘Uh oh!
Too many noodles!’ and a boy publicly asking if an overweight man was going to ‘fit through
the door’?
• Just you wait, kids.
Your excellent metabolisms won’t last forever!
14 – Gender Inspector, • A pair of super progressive parents taught
their young son the proper names for genitalia – no willies, pee-pees or doodles at this
dinner table!
• When the boy was three years old, he started pointing at people and saying ‘penis!’
for males and ‘vagina!’ for females.
Mum and Dad tried to stop him, but you know boys will be boys…
Penis…
• One day while shopping they were served by an ambiguous-looking cashier.
The little boy looked at the cashier and said, ‘Penis or Vagina?
Which one?’
While his parents were melting into a pool of embarrassment, the cashier explained that
she was a girl.
The boy responded, ‘Oh, vagina.’
13 – Stall Antics, • Apparently all sorts of hijinks ensue
when kids enter a public restroom.
• One parent took her son with her into a bathroom stall, only for him to shout, ‘Who’s
farting so loud in this bathroom!?
Oh my god!
I have to get out of here!’
• Another recalled how her two-year-old liked tickling the toes of strangers in the
next bathroom stall.
12 – Going to Hell, • When’s the worst possible time for your
child to declare that they love your breasts?
If you answered ‘during church’ you win!
• During a sermon, a five-year-old decided to upstage the vicar by announcing that he
loved his mother.
The congregation promptly went ‘awwww’, but the kid wasn’t done.
• He then put his hands on her chest and shouted, ‘And I love your boobies!’
Worshipping from home probably looked real good after that.
11 – Mummy’s Lightsaber, • A seven-year-old with two mums brought
his parents’ lightsaber to school for show and tell.
• Unfortunately, he didn’t realise that the small sword-shaped object wasn’t a lightsaber;
it was Mummy’s special glow-in-the-dark double-ended dildo!
• Mmm, yes, the awkwardness is strong in this one.
10 – Super Saiyan Awkward, • Nineties kids will remember Dragon Ball
Z, where memorable characters could fly and shoot fireballs by harnessing their inner
strength.
Naturally many kids tried emulating their on-screen heroes.
Especially Goku, who was always going on about his damn Kamehameha wave.
• One Dragon Ball fan on Reddit recounted an incident that happened when he was ten
years old.
During an ad break, he started quietly powering up like a saiyan.
At first he was seated, but as his power level soared to over 9,000 he had to stand.
• He soon realised his mom had been standing in the doorway watching him the whole time.
Only she’d never seen Dragon Ball, so all she saw was a strange little boy going ‘hyaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!’
9 – Chocolate People, • Kids have the social etiquette of wild
animals.
They just don’t yet know how to express their curiosity about the world in an appropriate
way.
Skin colour is one major source of interest – particularly for kids who haven’t grown
up around other ethnicities.
• For example, a little Caucasian girl asked a black man she saw in a store if he was made
of chocolate.
She then told another that she ‘bets he’s delicious’.
• Then there’s the boy who once asked a black man why he was so dirty.
Yep, going to hell for that one.
8 – Little Sex Offender, • Some people just think they’re above
the law.
Like this three-year-old who violated a complete stranger because he damn well felt like it.
• A little boy in a shopping trolley reached over and felt up a grocery store worker’s
boobs!
• His mother was extremely embarrassed.
No doubt this boy will grow up to be a sex offender.
By now he probably even has a seedy porno moustache.
7 – Abducted, • A man took his four-year-old granddaughter
to use the restroom in an Applebee’s restaurant.
While they were in there, she started crying hysterically for her mother.
She whimpered all the way back to their table, which just so happened to attract a suspicious
state trooper.
• Grandpa explained who he was and was ordered to show some ID.
The sobbing little girl was then asked if this man was really her grandpa – and she
said no.
The man grew more and more nervous, certain he was coming off like a paedophile.
• But just before the state trooper cuffed him, the little girl smiled and said, ‘He’s
not my grandpa; he’s my Poppy.’ 6 – Dog Trainer,
• A boy unwittingly taught his childhood dog to hump him in front of audiences.
While trying to recreate a trick his dog-training aunt had done, the boy crouched into a ball
and commanded his dog to jump on him.
• The dog immediately responded and the little boy thought he was some amazing animal
trainer.
He put on performances all over the neighbourhood and not a single neighbour told him it was
wrong.
They just watched uncomfortably until the dog finished.
The poor kid had no idea his dog was using him to get its rocks off.
• Eventually his parents found out what he was doing and were like, ‘No more public
sex performances with Scruffy!’
5 – Sibling for Christmas, • An only child was so obsessed with having
a sibling that she convinced her teachers, friends and extended family that her mum was
pregnant.
When these people came over for Christmas dinner, they bent over backwards to help the
woman and warned her not to have that second glass of wine.
Classic sitcom misunderstanding!
• When the woman found out what was going on, she pulled her daughter aside and told
her that, nope, she wasn’t having a baby and that she shouldn’t have told everyone
she was.
The girl thought Mummy getting bigger meant she had a baby growing inside her.
But Mummy explained that weight just fluctuates around Christmas.
• The daughter said she understood, and when they went back in she announced, ‘Mummy
isn’t pregnant!
She’s just getting fat because we eat lots of chocolates and turkey with stuffing!’
Classic Christmas burn.
4 – Explosive Honesty, • A little girl shared some embarrassing
personal info about her mum at day care.
• The girl and her mum walked in during the middle of ‘circle time’.
• While Mum was spinning excuses and apologising for their lateness, the daughter cut through
the, err, bullshit and said ‘we’re late because my mummy had diarrhoea!’
3 – Pee in the Pool, • A lifeguard at a YMCA overheard a kid
tell his dad that he ‘needed to go pee-pee.’
The dad was too into his newspaper, so he told the boy to just jump into the pool and
paint it yellow.
I mean, screw other people, right?
• Unfortunately, the boy misunderstood his instructions and instead walked up to the
edge of the pool, dropped his shorts and took a leak into a pool with at least fifty people
in it.
• The kid’s dad spots this and screams.
He comes running over, picks his kid up under one arm and carries him away while he’s
still peeing. 2 – Daddy’s Boss,
• Bringing children to a work picnic is a risky move.
You never know when they might misbehave or drop some deadly truth bombs.
• That’s exactly what happened when the five-year-old daughter of an employee was
introduced to her daddy’s boss.
She proudly let slip that her dad says that he’s a ‘son of a bitch’.
• Her dad’s co-workers thought it was awesome and fed her ice cream all day.
But it definitely stopped him from getting that promotion.
1 – Poop Like a Dog, • A Reddit user recounted how his four-year-old
brother took a poop on the lawn in broad daylight.
• Several neighbours were out on their lawns at the time and saw the whole horrifying thing.
• The public pooer was completely naked and said he wanted to see what it was like
to poop like
a dog.
Must’ve been liberating.