ZAYN Oh I'm just tryin' to make it to the beauty salon
Get out of my way I gotta get my nails done
Gonna get my eye brows threaded then then I'll get a funky skunky stripe put on my head
HARRY Oh Peeka-peeka-boo where did I come from? Looks like he gave birth to me from his skunk bum
LIAM Hey fellas could you stop the bike up at the light l think I'm feelin' motorcycle sick
DIRECTOR You're not as cute as these other two
So let's just move you there Now mince about, and act as though you're having fun
NIALL He only gives us one di rec tion
DIRECTOR Now run from the waaaaaaaaaaaave
ZAYN I need more Hair Spraaaaaaaaay
LIAM This wanker is a sad old man
LOUIS He's got us dressed like old man bands
1D Can we take a breaaaaaaaak
DIRECTOR No bloody waaaaaay Now put on your swimsuits
LIAM Aw C'mon. We're quite pasty
NIALL We've yet to develop muscles
ZAYN Oooh This one director won't ever let us leave
DIRECTOR You can leave as soon as you hit puberty
ZAYN Come on mate, its cold in here look over here. Harry's crying frozen tears
LIAM He's dead
NIALL Well they tell us we're like Elvis back when he was a kid
I hope we don't die on the toilet like he did Someone let me off the ride, I'm dying inside
DIRECTOR This is the worlds smallest violin Lets have you twoooo
Remove those sailor suits and dress like prostitutes, yeah
ZAYN The saddest part is we're not getting paid that much
LIAM They never even buy us lunch and that's not faaaaaaaaair
ZAYN How is my HAAAAAIR?
DIRECTOR Now put on these assless chaps I bought them at the Assless Gap
Let's do 50 Shaaaaaaades of Graaaaay
and let him hit you Here's a tissue I just tricked you
I made you sniff glue Now let me fist you Ha ha ha ha I'm just kidding
Just checking if you were listening Let's go hillbiilly hand fishing
Now lets do the ending from Broke Back Mountain
HARRY I think I'm starting to have fun
DIRECTOR Try to make him staaaaay and that's when you say
HARRY AND LOUIS I wish I could quit you