Can you hear those sirens?
Yeah, that's the difference between
physical attraction and emotional connection
and that's what we're going to
talk about in this video
as soon as those sirens shut the f up.
(Music)
So, the difference between physical attraction
and emotional connection
is a little bit different between men and women.
There's a lot of things that both
men and women need
but we need in different ways.
But for a man typically
if he's going to be interested in a woman
there has to be that sexual attraction
where basically you get a boner
for the girl you're interested in, right.
So, if that's not there
then you're probably not even going to be
interested in an emotional connection.
However, women are different
some ladies if they're really feminist
they might say otherwise.
But I'll tell you what, almost all the women
that come to me who are having a difficulty
with this like friends with benefits or whatever.
At some point or another
they become attached to the person
even if they thought they
only wanted friends with benefits
or just a casual sexual connection.
Because women bond
and it's the way our brains are developed
and also it's society,
but whatever it is the way it is.
So, here's the thing, men
typically you know that you're attracted to someone
because you want to have sex with her.
But women they don't always know innocently
if they want to have sex with you
even if they find that you are attractive
or handsome or appealing physically to them.
It doesn't mean that they actually
want to have sex with you.
Women tend to want to bond,
we need to bond with a man
in order to be able to have the potential
for a long-term commitment with someone.
Now, if she's not looking for that
because she's young or because she's messed up
well, that's different but if you are someone
who is looking for
a healthy long-term
relationship then these are the things
that you need to pay attention to.
So, for a woman, the physical attraction part
of course is that we want to kiss you
and do other things possibly not in public.
Probably not in public maybe not public
depending on who the chick is, but anyway
where as the emotional connection is that
we care about your feelings, your desires,
your goals in life and generally the things
that are important to you as a man.
And if there are any women watching this
that's when you know that
he's actually more than
physically attracted to you.
Is when he cares about your values
and your goals and your feelings
and the things that are important to you.
So, if for either side,
if you are looking at the person
or thinking about the person
that you're considering.
And considering them more than just
what are we going to do next time
where in the bedroom or in the elevator
or wherever you like to do things sexual
then there's potentially more
of an emotional connection.
And like I said if you want
to be able to bond for a long-term
you need to have both physical attraction.
You want you want to be able to cuddle
and do other things with each other
have sex and be passionate
if you really want the opportunity to have
a successful happy long-term relationship.
But you also need that emotional connection.
An emotional connection comes from
compatibility in terms of values and interests
and it also comes with vulnerability
in terms of sharing secrets.
So, I talked about revealing
emotions for men in another video
and you don't want to reveal
actually I think it was in the comments section,
but anyways, you don't want to reveal
everything all at once.
Because you want that person to feel like
not that they've just earned it
but they've earned your trust, right.
Like that you're not just going around
sharing your most intimate secrets
with anybody who'll ask.
You want to kind of gauge
where you're at in the relationship
and then forward by revealing
a little bit, a little bit, a little bit over time.
So, that, that person feels like
they're the one who has extra value
because you've entrusted them
with that vulnerability.
And again, vulnerability and connection
are in the same kind of boat
if you will, I don't know where boat came from.
But anyway, they're kind of in that same group
whereas physical attraction
is whatever your visual is
or sometimes it's about character and charisma.
But no matter how charismatic you're
a woman might want to sleep with you
because you can develop
the skills of a pickup artist.
But she won't necessarily
actually want to have a long-term relationship
with you unless you have
some of these other qualities
that will build an actual
intimate connection between you two.
So, I don't know if that actually
covered that topic,
but there's actually another video
I'm going to do hopefully in the near future
on a set of questions they were designed
to make you fall in love by graduations
of revealing personal things about yourself.
So, if you want to build connection
you go to the intimate part of the relationship
where it's not physical
and you are discussing or chatting
or getting to know each other in ways
that the world doesn't necessarily know about.
Or maybe other people in their lives like
their best friends or family might know about
but they don't reveal to just anyone
is the same for you, whatever side you're on
as far as that goes.
Anyway, so that is
the major difference between
the physical attraction and emotional connection
is the bonding and it actually happens
in a different area of the brain.
So, when you have physical attraction
and you have emotional connection
that relationship and the desire
for each other is much stronger.
So, if you want to be able to win
a woman's heart long-term
you need to have both.
And in fact ladies if you're watching this
that's also how you win a man's heart.
Because if they're going to be interested
in a long-term relationship they have to have
that emotional connection and bond
and they need to be able to see you
as more than a sex toy.
And is there any other way around
though it's less so women don't find it
healthy mature.
Women looking for
a long-term relationship are typically
not just looking for a hookup.
And even the ones that think they are
they often are fooling themselves
and find that they become more attached
because of the sexual non intimacy but yeah, does it.
Those some of the ways
you can tell if it's just sexual attraction
or if it's actually an emotional connection
is whether or not the person you're interested in
invites you into their life.
Like, are they introducing you to their friends?
Or inviting you to do things with friends?
Have you ever met their family or been
invited to meet their family?
Do they see you outside in the world
or is it just getting together for sex?
Do they talk about the future together?
Do they kind of not in terms of overtly,
but do they make plans for down the road?
like it could be a month in a row.
Hey, there's a concert
or hey, there's an event
or whatever would you want to go?
So, things that are
non sexual activities together
if someone is inviting you
or if you were inviting someone else
to do non-sexual activities in the real world.
Now or in the future then that means that
there's a potential for an emotional connection.
Or they're already feeling it
because if it's just sex that's all
you're going to get it's just sex
and so that's reaction from both for men and women.
And even though women tend to want to bond
or tend to naturally bond not want to,
but even if they say they don't want to bond
if they're actually avoiding bonding
because they just want casual relationship.
Then guys you've got to actually listen to that
because she may change her mind,
but if she doesn't want to
then she's not ready for a relationship.
And she's probably got some issues
that she may need to deal with
before being ready for a relationship.
So, either way,
if someone says they're only interested in sex
really believes that don't hope for potential
and never go for potential.
And you know, if you
find yourself in that situation
where you have gone for potential
and you're not getting it well sorry.
But that you were told up front
and yes, sometimes people change their mind,
but if they're honest with you at the beginning
and they follow through
then it's your own fault for sticking in there
hoping for something else.
If that a person is either not interested in
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