I know we're missing so many things during this time--
friends, family, soap operas.
I'd like to fill that hole for you.
That didn't sound right.
What I want to do is I want to show you some of the soap
operas I've been in.
Take a look.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Clocks tick, wheels turn, and cold people shiver.
These are the tales of My Fair & Square Lady.
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you all for coming here.
[LAUGHTER]
I was hoping that your stories would
help my cabana boy, Miguel, come out of his coma.
Miguel, I need you to wake up.
I miss you.
I have something to say.
[APPLAUSE]
Miguel never loved you.
How dare you!
[SLAP SOUND EFFECT]
Can't you see?
He's in a coma!
Yes, I can see that.
Oh, I forgot something.
[SLAP SOUND EFFECT]
But what you don't know is that this coma was no accident.
[GASPS]
It was caused by your evil twin sister.
You know that my twin sister died in a freak baggage claim
accident.
Or did I?
[CROWD CHEERING]
Desmond?
Desmond Craigory?
Desmond Craigory, where are you?
Oh, God!
Gasp!
Tucker, get in here, quick.
What does it, Tatiana?
[APPLAUSE]
Can't you see what's happened?
Of course, I can.
I have eye.
Well, who killed Desmond?
Who?
Who killed Desmond?
I'm crying.
I say, I'm crying so desperately.
I'm crying.
[OBVIOUS FAKE CRYING SOUNDS]
I will find whoever did this to you and I will--
oh, I miss you so much.
Who will giggle when I say things like, wow,
these balls are different sizes?
[LAUGHTER]
I'm sad.
Who killed you?
Killed?
Oh, lover, I'm sleeping.
Nothing is hotter than Dos Amigas.
Ooh, who is it?
Come in.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, it's your line.
You have to talk.
El Niño, I knew you'd be coming.
They keep talking about you on the news.
Mamacita, I want to show you how good I am at juggling my balls.
[LAUGHTER]
Of course, please show us your balls.
Very bueno, bueno.
Now go outside and practice.
Yes, Mamacita.
These are The Tales of Yesterday's Tomorrows.
[CROWD CHEERING]
You have to leave before my sister sees you.
What we did was wrong.
Wonderfully wrong.
I know.
But you have to go.
Hurry, hurry.
I love you, Dolly.
Oh, thank goodness.
He left before Polly got here.
She'd be so upset if she knew.
If she knew what?
[GASPS]
Polly Esther Wellington!
[SUSPENSEFUL SOUND EFFECT]
How much did you hear?
I didn't have to hear anything, because I found this.
[GASPS]
[SUSPENSEFUL SOUND EFFECT]
I'm not sure what that is.
Where did you find one of Paco's mustaches?
The maid found it in your bedroom.
[GASPS]
[SLAP SOUND EFFECTS]
On your pillow!
[GASPS]
Janet!
Janet, get in here.
Oui, oui.
Madam, oui, oui, oui.
Oui, Madam.
How could you betray me?
Oh!
What?
[SLAP SOUND EFFECTS]
We'll be back.