[Channel Teaser]
How 'That Guy' Nearly Made Me Quit Dungeons & Dragons Forever
I have been a DM for 25 years and this is the story that nearly got me to quit D&D entirely.
The group I was running broke down.
One fellow had mental health issues and something else I never found out about, and one fellow
was constantly absent.
Cannot even recall the 3rd.
So, with that collapse, I look to the one guy I have left (a long term friend/player
I will call Buddy) and say, "Well, let's go at it again."
We find three more people and start a fresh game.
The players are Buddy, Forgettable, Nice Guy… and That Guy.
I always have detailed documents when I place an advert for players.
I put in “brown M&M” clauses requiring something pointless in the application to
make sure people have read it.
I point out that I do custom monsters and magic items, so meta assumptions may not apply.
I also explain that I improvise when solving problems, and while I will hear objections
on-the-spot if someone thinks I have made a mistake, I reserve the right to make a DM
ruling to keep the game going and revisit the problem after the game, usually in the
player's favor.
All of this is relevant to the story to come.
Also relevant, Nice Guy and That guy are a package.
I brought in Nice Guy based on his app and interview, and brought in That Guy with a
modest app and interview, nothing horrific or anything but nothing I would usually accept,
on Nice Guy's recommendation.
Oops!
Finally, this was being played on Roll20, and all rolls were visible.
That Guy was playing a cleric.
Cool.
A drunkard cleric.
Interesting.
A cleric that does not really like his deity much.
Uhh…
Okay, I can roll with that.
That Guy wanted a horse, cart, and driver.
I usually don't do minions, because it is one more thing for me to keep track of in
exchange for whatever cheese the player is trying to pull.
But he argues that he has an elaborate back story, and just felt it was important to his
story, and he spent the money on them, and I finally gave in and said sure.
In for a penny, in for a pound.
But I clarify that the driver is not an adventurer, will not participate in combat, and will flee
if at risk.
He also insists on receiving payment in advance before setting out to risk his life traveling
with adventurers, so he can know his family will be cared for if he dies.
That Guy grumbles but agrees.
Session 1 starts.
I barely remember the plot, something about heading to a mountain to find and bring back
something or other.
Everyone's going along with it, everyone seems to be having fun.
I turn to That Guy and ask what the cart driver's name is, what they're like, so I can DM the
guy.
Up until this point, the player had completely ignored his story vital NPC, including never
sending me info on them, or any of the rest of their back story.
The reason I had to ask for this information was because he broke the in-character, out
of character contract and basically ordered the explicitness noncombatant NPC to act as
bait for the monster trying to murder them.
So I ask for his name and personality, because I needed to know how the NPC would phrase
"hell no."
Dead.
Silence.
This NPC who is very important to the story has no name.
I asked again, in case he was just checking his notes.
He says he does not have any details.
I ask him to make something up then.
He says it is not needed, then literally says "He's a nobody."
I dub the driver Nobody Smith.
The group gets a huge laugh as I go into how Nobody has a family to keep, and about how
Nobody took the job because the pay was fair.
Except for That Guy.
That Guy gets offended that I named the "very important" NPC he had to have because he did
not bother to do it himself.
Nobody also becomes a smarta** (bleep) after this moment, basically a bitter survivor of
the miseries of normal, non-adventuring life who rolls his eyes whenever That Guy tried
to order him to act outside his hired task of being a cart driver.
That Guy mopes until the session ends.
Session 2 rolls around.
The party comes across a group of elves, eight young males out to prove themselves by raiding
the surrounding area.
The elves are natural badasses with a society built on personal honor and bravery.
They are fairly brash and abrasive, spoiling for a fight… and That Guy talks them down
by pretending to be the biggest badass in the world, convincingly, outside of the good
dice rolls.
Hell yeah, I'm thinking, That Guy's pulling around.
They decide to follow this badass around a bit and see if they can find a good fight
or two, mostly to reward That Guy for actually roleplaying well.
That Guy then proceeds to basically try to use them as meatshields.
They come across a manticore in the woods while making camp, and basically tries to
get the warband to fight it, without his help.
And not in a "prove your worth to me" way, but a "I am going to let these minions risk
their lives" way, and blatantly so.
The manticore gets driven off after killing a few elves, but I require a social check
because of how he handled the whole thing.
He passes, and the warband settles down.
That Guy grumbles a bit over having to make the check.
Session 3 arrives, and they reach the mountain.
The warband is still following That Guy, and Nobody parks himself at the base of the mountain
because his cart can’t find a path.
That Guy complains, but only mildly, whatever.
They enter the first chamber of the crypt, which has been dug into and infested by a
mated pair of basilisks.
The warband comes in with the party on his orders.
They are CR 1/2 reskinned Guards.
Suffice to say, all but one fails their save as the two basilisks systematically petrify
them.
The players eventually kill the things, and That Guy tries to order the last remaining
elf ahead of the party into the crypt.
He shows no regard for the rest of the essentially dead elves.
I call for another social check, and he gets a very low total.
The elf says no, he will stay here and guard his friends.
The players go into the crypt, and when they come out, the elf is gone.
That Guy wants to bring the seven human statues down off the mountain to bring back to life…
for the purpose of retaining minions, but whatever.
The seven essentially concrete humanoids.
The other players immediately see the problem with doing this.
Namely, each statue weighs a couple hundred pounds.
His character could barely drag one of them.
He offers no plans on how it's going to happen, just demands it happens.
The other players try to talk to him, get him to understand the sheer logistics involved,
never mind how to get them all the way back to civilization (it is only a horse cart,
and it is not designed to carry tons).
The other players try to formulate a plan to come back for the elves, with proper gear
and help, even willing to spend some group funds for the project.
That Guy refuses all plans, even when I flat out say that the proffered plans would work.
They do not even have to come back themselves, I told them the price of a worker crew to
do it and it was well within their means.
After a literal hour of complaining, That Guy shouts "I guess I'll just leave them here,
because the DM does not want me to have any freaking followers!"
They referred to me in the third person, like I am not even there.
I am livid.
I end the session shortly after.
I message Nice Guy, who is quite apologetic.
He says That Guy is not usually this bad, immediate warning bells, and he will talk
to him and get it figured out.
Later, I get a super passive aggressive message from That Guy, explaining how he is totally
right about everything, and I am just wrong, but he respects my place as DM and promises
to try and do better, because he knows he has self control problems -- which he phrases,
again, as my fault for not getting it right so he does not get angry.
At this point, my DM senses are tingling.
I know this is going to go to hell.
But I refuse to give up.
Maybe they just had a bad day.
Session 4.
The players return to town, and I ask about down time activities.
Buddy's going to research spells.
Forgettable is gone by now, I have got a new player lined up to take his place next week.
Nice Guy does some side work.
That Guy talks about working at a blacksmith's shop.
Problem: He does not have smithing tool proficiency.
Or armorer tool proficiency.
Or any tool proficiency.
When I point this out, they say they are going to start learning the skill.
Okay, that is cool.
I'm about to move on, when the final argument starts.
He wants a suit of plate for his troubles.
One of, if not the, most expensive things in the PHB in a town of about 200 people with
no knights or landed nobles.
I am not the only one dumbfounded by this.
Every other player is flabbergasted.
I flat out tell him there is no way in hell a week of his untrained efforts are going
to earn him a suit of custom armor.
He talks about seeing if the Blacksmith has any used plate armor he might be willing to
sell.
No.
It is custom built 1500gp gear.
It is not like you can get it off the shelf.
And even at a 50% discount, it is still well outside his finances.
He gets pissed and says, "Screw it.
I spend the week digging through the local dump."
The town is medieval and has a couple hundred people.
What dump?
But I roll with it.
"Okay, what are you trying to find?"
"A used set of plate, seeing as the DM will not let me make it or buy it!"
I end the session immediately and have a word with Nice Guy, because I want info before
I take action.
He is even more apologetic… and it comes out that the two of them have been game hopping
but have not found anywhere to stay as a group.
I send a PM to That Guy, explicitly stating that he is overstepping his bounds.
The reply is longer than this story I am telling you now, in which he lays out my every supposed
failing as a DM, about how unfair I was in roleplaying the driver, and how I refuse to
let him have his minions, how everything is too easy.
He then complains about how his character is under-powered and needs more AC.
Understand, I have been lowballing the players.
I always start on a soft curve so I can see how well the group handles it.
Not one party member has gone below half health.
They still have all their healing potions.
The reason he needs plate?
"D&D is balanced around it.
At 4th level, clerics are supposed to have plate."
This was true two editions ago, and if I was not doing custom foes, and if they had actually
needed it at any point.
I end the game.
I do not even do my usual bit, "sorry, *insert polite crap here,* game is over."
I PM him and say "You are absolutely right, in everything you have said.
I am obviously a terrible DM."
Then I blocked That Guy and Nice Guy.
Amusingly, Newbie is the reason I did not quit entirely.
He explained that he was really looking forward to the game, and hoped I could take a break
and then try again.
I said I would take a month off and get back to him, and I did.
And now I have had the group with him, his friends, and Buddy for something like 3 years.
And now, whenever I or Buddy want to call something pedantic crap, we yell at each other,
"CLERICS GET PLATE AT 4TH LEVEL!"
Anger issues, entitlement and D&D never go well together.
Be nice to your DMs and you might just stumble into that plate you want so badly.
Have you ever had “That Guy” in your party?
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