Would this be over if I threw up on the table?
No, you'd have to keep going.
I'm Malarie. And I'm Jessica.
We became best friends the day we met because none of us had, uh neither of us had any friends.
We have been like really close best friends
for the past 15 years.
I don't believe I've ever taken a full shot before.
Except, uh, maybe my 21st birthday but that was a buttery nipple and that wasn't
a legit shot. That was a really long time ago.
Yeah. If someone offered you one million to never
talk to me again, would you? No I can't do that.
Oh my gosh that's so hard. (Laughs)
Well, you should take it! That's your livelihood.
Good bye! You could do so much with that million dollars.
You could turn me into a hologram! Have you ever had a crush with someone
I've been with? What did you do? Oh God, no.
Have you ever had a crush on someone I've been with? What did you do?
(laughs) (laughs)
Let's just start this. (laughs) Let's just do it.
I know the answer to this one! (laughs)
Because he used to hit on my wife all the time!
(nods) Yeah.
Finish this line with me. I'm most scared
of vomiting. I am always afraid of vomiting. Have you ever disliked someone I've dated?
Yup! Most of them.
All right let's just get ready. You might wanna, uh, if you had to eat one
part of my body, what part would it be? Ew, like eat and swallow?
(laughs) If you had to eat just one part of my body-
Oh! What part would it be?
Your ass. Plain rack? Oh, that was easy!
Eat your ass. Okay.
Your hair. My hair?
Should we just do this? Let's just uh,
Let's just do it. Finish this line with me. My favorite genre
of porn is? Shit. Uh, lesbian porn.
(snaps fingers) (high fives) Parody porn.
(laughs) Is that a genre? Yeah. Edward Penishands.
Edward Penishands is pretty funny. It's hilarious.
That's parody porn? I'd say, I mean, it's still technically porn,
but it's a parody of something else and it's funny.
Okay. Have you ever caught me masturbating (laughs)
or having sex? Definitely not masturbating.
No. Do you even do that?
Now. That's not a, that is not a required question to answer.
Oh! You do! I've definitely heard you having sex. (laughs)
She thought we were gonna break the wall though 'cause my bed has wheels too.
(laughs) This is so bad. Okay that's all.
Oh my gosh. That's all.
If I killed somebody would you help me cover it up? (laughs)
(laughs) No I wouldn't 'cause I'm not trying to go to jail for you! I love you, but no.
I'd get like Breaking Bad style and like do the whole hydrochloric acid.
Let's just feed 'em to the pigs. Pigs or acid. Get rid of everything. (laughs)
(laughs) (laughing)
(laughing) What would it take for us to have sex? (laughs)
(laughs) Oh my God. What would it take for us to have sex?
(laughs) Really? (laughs) Okay.
Like actual sex or like like Bill Clinton sex?
Like not much. Look at her! But (laughing) (laughs)
Would you have sex with me for a hundred dollars?
No. A million?
Maybe. For sure a million dollars!
(laughs) I mean, what, how long does it, what are the guidelines?
How long does it last? Can we just do oral?
As, as long, as long as I normally last. (laughs) (laughs) So three minutes, that's fine. (laughs)
(laughs) At least 1.6 mill.
1.6 mill. Are ya listening out there?
(laughs) Are ya taking notes?
(laughing) But like what, what goes, what kind of sex?
No, don't go there. Like a dildo?
Don't. Life, lifetime supply of like mac and cheese.
My favorite. And like a hundred bucks would be okay.
Yeah I mean I like macaroni and cheese too I guess it works. (laughs)
(laughs) Yeah! Sit on my lap and stare into my eyes
intimately for one full minute or take a shot. (laughs) Wait, what?
You don't want me to stare in your eyes? No, I'm telling you you have the option!
(laughing) Does that freak you out a lot? No!
We're not staring into each other's eyes. Oh my God Collin. You're going to break the
chair. (laughing)
Wait, wait, oh. No I think you can just- I'm in control here.
No, you don't, you don't have to sit like that! You can sit across!
I, I thought that's what they- I've never been this close to you.
I know. This is a long minute.
It's super long I think. How many friends could do this?
I don't know, but you're kinda far away from me. I think you need to come in a little bit.
I'm gonna toot. I'm gonna toot on your
(laughing) Do you love me? If yes, say it or take a shot.
Yes. No, you have to say it.
I love you. If she takes a shot I'll say it.
Oh my gosh, instigator! You are just like It can be half.
Wait! I have to take a shot for you to say that you love me? Are you kidding me?
(laughing) Kelsey, I love you.
You're weird. To the rest of our lives.
Or at least the next couple years. Edward
Edward Penishands! Penishands!
I love you and I'm glad you're my best friend. (laughs)
Umm well you need to subscribe to CUT video. You go here.
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drink videos, uh, you should! You go to this one! Oh no, it's this one.
Just like a tightrope!