-Welcome, welcome, welcome, everyone. Welcome to --
-Love you, Jimmy! -I love you, too.
I really do.
Welcome to "The Tonight Show." You're here.
[ Cheers and applause ] You made it.
That sounds good.
Well, guys, here's some good news.
Today President Biden said that he wants states to open up
vaccines to all adults by April 19th,
nearly two weeks sooner than his initial goal.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Or as Biden calls it, Operation Early Bird Special.
[ Laughter ]
You know more people are vaccinated
when pajamas sales go down and Spanx go up.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Yeah, this is exciting.
Hopefully if we're all vaccinated on 4/19,
we'll be passing something else on 4/20.
[ Cheers and applause ] Hey, what?
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. What does that mean?
Oh, hey. -Hey. Come on.
-I read that 40% of adults in the U.S. have been vaccinated.
So now when you see someone without a mask,
it's a fun game of "Vaccinated or Idiot?"
[ Laughter ] It's a fun game.
Some sports news -- baseball season is under way.
And I saw that despite -- [ Cheers and applause ]
I'm excited.
Despite warnings from health experts,
the Texas Rangers had a full crowd of more than 38,000 people
for their home opener.
Yeah, when they walked in, all of the fans
got a Dr. Fauci bobblehead that only shook its head no.
[ Laughter ]
It was a strange game.
It was the first time umpires
were trying to get themselves thrown out.
[ Laughter ]
Well, this is big. March Madness has ended.
And I want to say congrats to Baylor
for winning their first men's basketball national title.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Baylor played just like Paul Rudd's entire life --
started off hot and stayed that way.
-Aw. [ Applause ]
-Happy birthday, Paul.
Of course, some of Baylor's biggest alumni were in the game,
including our friends Chip and Joanna Gaines.
Here they are.
Yeah, it was a big night for the Gaines family.
Not only did their school win, but after the game,
Joanna redid the entire court in shiplap.
-Oh. [ Laughter ]
-Meanwhile, back on campus,
Baylor students celebrated after the final buzzer.
Watch this.
[ Cheering ]
-What?
-Even the drunk dudes in Miami were like, "That seems risky."
[ Laughter ]
"I wouldn't do that." -"Lucky I've had my --"
-"You want to get on top of that car and dance? Sure."
Well, people were talking about this.
In response to Coca-Cola opposing
Georgia's new restrictive voting law, President Trump
has told his supporters to boycott the company.
But check out this picture taken in his office yesterday.
Yeah. See it? [ Laughter ]
-Come on.
-He has a bottle of Coke on his desk. But don't worry.
Trump fixed it by taking out a Sharpie and writing "Pepsi."
-Oh. [ Laughter ]
-Could we also zoom into the background
of his office for a second?
[ Laughter ]
Good Lord, how many bronze Trumps does one office need?
It's like, "Just give me one more layer and perfect."
[ Laughter ] "Perfect."
[ Laughter ]
Some entertainment news -- I saw that there's going to be
an animated movie based on marshmallow Peeps.
[ Laughter ] -Ugh.
-Yep. The movie will be made now but released in four years,
just like the Peep you ate at Easter.
[ Laughter ] -Oh!
Oh! [ Laughter ]
-Ah, Peeps movie.
Right now, candy corn is like,
"Oh, you think you're better than us?"
[ Laughter ]
This is cool -- Last night NFL quarterback Aaron Rodgers
made his guest-hosting debut on "Jeopardy!"
Yep, Rodgers he did a great job, but you could tell
he had some say in what the categories would be.
Watch this.
-Let's get to the "Jeopardy!" round with these categories.
-Okay, okay, okay, we get it. That's enough.
[ Laughter ]
Get this -- A university in Michigan is offering
a very unique scholarship.
Check this out.
-A Michigan university is not only offering a degree
in cannabis chemistry, it's now the first university
in the nation to offer a scholarship for it.
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, it's a two-year program
that takes roughly 12 years to complete.
[ Applause ]
Admission will be based on combined scores from SATs, ACTs,
and THCs. [ Laughter and applause ]
That's right. It's the only scholarship
that comes with a year's supply of Flamin' Hot Cheetos.
[ Laughter ]
It's exciting on day one when like,
"Please meet the new head of the cannabis board,
Professor William Nelson."
[ Laughter ]
"When you graduate, you move your braid to the left."
[ Laughter ]
That's a new joke, right? -Come on, man.
-Yeah, no one's made that joke. -Willie Nelson's got braids.
-Out of all of the Willie Nelson jokes, no one's made that.
-Willie Nelson known for his love of cannabis.
-First time it was ever made. Yeah. Thank you, Higgins.
-I didn't think that got enough love.
-Thank you. No, it did. It got more than enough.
Thank you. -Oh, alright.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
It's still getting love now.
-Yeah, exactly. [ Laughter ]
-Well, this is strange.
I heard about a prison in Montana that's open
to the public for a very interesting activity.
Listen to this.
-Brave people can spend the night
at an old Montana prison.
People can stay for a ghost hunt.
It lasts from 8:00 p.m. to 5:00 a.m.
They say not everyone is guaranteed to see a ghost.
It depends on the energy that that person brings.
[ Laughter ]
-Hey, Jimmy, I think a spirit from that Montana prison
is communicating with me now.
-Oh, really? What -- What's it saying?
-Well, it says -- Just a second.
Oh, yeah.
It's saying, "All the guests for this
are going to be probably white people."
[ Laughter and applause ]
-I'm with you. I agree.
I want to go. That sounds fun.
And finally, a former Southwest Airlines pilot is in trouble
for exposing himself during a flight.
The pilot justified his actions by saying
his pants had been put on a no-fly list.