- Today we're gonna pull the curtain back
and talk about something
that no one ever wants to have happen to them
and most people don't even wanna talk about this:
the topic of cheating.
And if you've ever been cheated on,
you know just how horrible that experience is
and how confusing the weird mixture of emotions
that we go through.
Like this emotion of embarrassment
like it was something that you did
that caused the other person to cheat.
Or if you were different or better in some way
then that wouldn't have happened.
Well, know this:
you cannot control somebody else's behavior.
If they cheated that's on them and them alone.
And if we can identify the signs,
see, most people give signs
before they actually take that action.
And so if we can identify the signs,
then that empowers us to be proactive earlier
and create a different outcome.
So today I'm gonna give you the seven signs
that men give before they cheat, check it out.
(bright music)
Hey there, my name's Mat Boggs,
and I'm the founder of the Love and Relationships Division
of the Brave Thinking Institute,
and our mission is empowering people
to create and live a life they love.
And that includes your love life.
So if you like this video,
I encourage you to click that little Subscribe button
and click the little bell,
because every week we bring you videos
to empower you in your love life.
I've had the privilege of over the last decade
literally coaching hundreds and hundreds of women
from all around the world.
And unfortunately, being cheated on is a common experience.
And when I'm coaching these women and they're asking me,
"How can I trust again? How can I open my heart again?",
and we look back, and I'll ask them,
"Were there red flags that you saw before he cheated?"
And in every single case, the answer is yes.
There's always things that you see,
things that you notice when something is off.
And so today we're gonna look at the seven most common.
Now, it doesn't mean if you see one of these seven signs
that he's cheating,
but it does mean if you experience one of these
you wanna bring it up in the relationship,
because the relationship might be off course
and this is an opportunity to get it back on course
or to make a decision for a new relationship.
So number one is he picks unnecessary fights with you.
If you notice that all of a sudden he's way more irritable
or he's picking fights with you
that he never used to pick before,
and he's making you wrong in all these scenarios,
and the two of you are fighting way more frequently.
And here's what's happening, you see:
he might not even know he's doing this,
but his subconscious mind has a mechanism
that's trying to make the relationship
painful and uncomfortable
because if the relationship is painful and uncomfortable,
then it's easier to leave that relationship
or it's easier to cheat.
In other words, he feels guilty about what he's about to do
or what he's currently doing,
and so if he can make you the bad person
then that reduces the sense of guilt that he feels.
So if the two of you are fighting a lot,
he's really irritable, making you the bad person,
that's definitely something
that you wanna bring up in the relationship.
Number two is he's real sketchy with his phone,
or maybe he has two phones.
He starts taking calls out of the room
or he goes way out of his way
to make sure that you don't see a text
that's coming through.
Here's the deal:
people who don't have anything to hide
aren't trying to hide anything.
I can remember dating my wife Irene,
and we were making dinner together
and my phone was where she was
on the other side of the counter
and it dinged with a text.
I'm like, "Hey babe, can you open on my phone
and read that text to me?"
And she was like, "Are you serious?"
I was like, "Yeah, read that text to me."
She was like, "You're sure you want me
to look at your phone?"
(laughs) I laughed and I was like, "Yeah, I'm sure.
Tell me who texted me, just read me the message."
And she was like, and then she said,
"Oh my gosh, that was so wild,"
because she realized the guys that she had dated before
never wanted her to look at the phone.
That's sketchy behavior.
If he doesn't want you to see his phone
or see what's going on that sketchy behavior,
and you want to address any sketchy behavior
going on in the relationship.
And number three is you're not having sex anymore.
So notice that all these are changes in behavior
that there was one way of being
and then there's a change in this behavior.
And this one is really important
because sex is a reflection of the level of connection
and intimacy that the two of you are sharing together.
And so if you had a good sex life
and then you notice this change,
you're not having sex anymore, the sex is dried up,
that's a bad sign because that only lasts so long
before you either fix it or the relationship dies.
And so sometimes the sex dies
and then the man will bring it up
and he'll talk to you and try to fix it.
Other times he's gonna go
and look for that sex somewhere else.
So if you notice that the sex
is dried up in the relationship,
it's definitely something
that you want to address right away
to see if you can get this relationship back on track.
And number four, he tries to gaslight you.
In other words, he tries to make you into the crazy one.
He tries to make you look like you're crazy,
paranoid, not trusting,
and he'll flip the script.
He'll try to make it that you're attacking him,
that he's the victim here
and there's nothing that he's done that's wrong,
when all the while, even though he's trying to gaslight you,
none of his stories make sense, nothing adds up,
and he still doesn't have any straight answers
for what's been going on.
And he's trying to gaslight you
because if he can make you doubt yourself,
if he can make you question whether or not your memory
and your interpretation of this is on,
if he can make you think that it's actually off,
then he moves into a power position.
Do not let him do that to you.
You sense that something's off because something is off.
Trust that part of yourself
and have the conversation with him.
And number five is he's vague and mysterious
about his time away from you.
Listen, if a guy is in love with you,
his time away with you,
when he comes back what does he wanna do?
He wants to share it with you.
He wants to give you every detail.
He wants to give you every experience, be like,
"Look, my boys and I,
we went here and we saw this and we did that
and we experienced this.
You're never gonna believe this.
When this happened, this other thing happened."
And he's telling you all the stories
and he is telling you all about it.
Why? Because he loves you.
You're his partner
and he wants to bring you right into his life.
The guy where something's off is gonna be mysterious.
He's gonna be vague.
He's not gonna wanna give you any of the details
because those details might lead to incriminating evidence.
And even worse than that, there's a difference.
Some guys are just bit more reticent.
They're not gonna share as much.
It's just their nature.
But where this crosses the line into suspicious behavior
is when he gets irritated for you asking questions
about the details.
And he'll get mad at you and try to make you wrong
because you want to know what was going on.
Yeah, of course she wants to know what's going on, dude.
She loves you.
She wants to hear about your life.
And so if you're asking questions and he gets angry
just because you're asking for some details,
that's a red flag.
If you wanna know the name of the restaurant
that he went to with all of his buddies
and he's getting angry, there's no need for that.
Maybe you just want to know the name of that restaurant
'cause you wanna take your girlfriends there.
Or maybe you wanna know the name of that restaurant
because you're gonna take the next hot guy that you date
after you dump his ass.
And number six,
he tells you about cheating on past girlfriends.
Very important point.
People will tell you who they are
if you're willing to listen.
One of the most important pieces of dating advice
that I've ever heard
is when people tell you who they are
early in the relationship, believe them.
And so one of the things that guys who cheat will do
is when they're dating a woman,
they'll tell stories about how they cheated.
They didn't have enough guts to break up with a woman,
so they cheated on her to get her to break up with him.
And it won't just be one time.
They'll have a couple of stories
or a series of stories like that.
One of the reasons guys will do this
is because subconsciously this is a disclaimer for them.
When they actually act in this behavior
in the current relationship, they can say,
"See, I told you.
I tried to express who I was in this relationship."
At the end of the day,
if someone's bragging about their colorful past,
you want to be very careful
about how much you invest in that new relationship
until you know that person's on a new track.
And number seven is your intuition
tells you something is off.
Trust your intuition.
You're not paranoid, you're not crazy,
you're not going nuts.
Your intuition is there for a reason.
It is a still, small voice
that's been given to you by your higher power
and is there for a reason.
So trust it.
If something feels off,
it's because there's a chance that something is off.
And so your move in that moment is to bring it up.
Have the guts to have a conversation.
The quality of our life
is determined by the number of uncomfortable conversations
we're willing to have.
Your willingness to bring up
and have an uncomfortable conversation
earlier in the relationship
will be directly related to the quality
and the depth of the relationship that you create.
So my question for you is,
what signs have you noticed someone acting with
before they have cheated?
Go ahead and post that in the comment section below.
I hope this serves you.
I appreciate you.
Here is to your amazing love life
and creating an epic, amazing romance for yourself.
Thanks so much for watching and I'll see you soon.
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