- [Voiceover] What happens to a comedian
when you take away their audience?
This is a show where comedians perform to a camera,
alone in a room while the audience watches
from an entirely different room.
All the comedians will be wearing
noise-cancelling headphones so they'll
have no idea how their set is going.
This is Seven Minutes in Purgatory.
- Are we ready to start the show?
(audience cheers)
Please put your hands together
for Matteo Lane and Liza Treyger!
(audience clapping and cheering)
- Oh God,
♪ hello!
- Oh, I wish I had my drink,
and I could drink every time you sing,
and then I would be hammered.
- You'd think, being gay, I would figure this out.
- Wait, now we can't even hear each other!
- I'm really out of breath from our Britney Spears dance.
(laughs)
I also like how they put us in
my grandma's Italian living room.
(audience laughs)
- So I went home recently,
and I don't know if I told you this.
So my dad--
- Her parents are foreign. - [Liza] My sister called me--
- So are yours.
- No, my grandparents. - [Liza] One.
Oh, yeah.
I'm a first-generation American.
- And I'm Mexican-Italian and that's why
I look like a deli worker.
(giggles)
So, listen.
So I went home, and my sister's like
"Dad's making pies.
Juices.
Jams.
Obsessed with organic apples; he's making everything
with organic apples; you gotta eat the apples."
Lo and behold, we find out
he's been stealing them from the botanical gardens.
(audience laughs)
Can you also explain to the kind audience
why there were bees in your toilet?
- Oh.
The last time I was home, I came home,
and I got a call that my dad was like:
"Our toilet is filled with bees."
I'm like, "What do you mean?"
So our toilet was filled with bees; I don't know how.
My dad, instead of flushing, he sprayed them dead,
so that when my mom went to the toilet,
and opened them, there was just a pile of dead bees.
I think he wouldn't get rid of them.
- Don't worry, I made pie.
- I told him I spent $800 on frames.
- I'm from Russia.
Her parents thought, well not her parents but--
- Now my parents know that you're such a froo.
Froo is wrong?
- [Matteo] (high-pitched whining) Hate crime!
Um, espec if it's a lesbian.
But no, I went to Liza's cousins' wedding,
and it was like, 8000 Russians,
and I was wearing pants so tight, that,
I mean, pretty similar to these;
just camel toe for days.
- And suspenders.
And then everyone's like "Oooh.
Who's this man?" - [Liza] Yeah, my cousins.
- And then--
- I'm like, "The man vogue-ing right now?"
(audience giggles)
- I wasn't vogue-ing.
- No, but the way--
- But just when I stand straight I look like I'm vogue-ing.
Look, ready?
(audience laughs)
That's how gay I am.
- I like to fake ice skate.
- I would like to see it.
I'll do, like, an eighties power ballad
and you ice skate to it.
Okay, ready?
(screams and sings into the mic)
Okay, uh.
- Pretty good.
- That was go--
I mean it was really embarrassing.
That bad; you can't sing, you can't dance,
you can't do anything.
I always say about Liza: Liza is one of the best
comedians I've ever, ever met,
who is wildly untalented.
Like let's do a warm-up.
- [Liza] Okay.
♪ La
- ♪ La
- Alright you wanna watch me ice skate?
(laughter)
Can you sing?
- Can you tell 'em about your grandfather?
- Oh, so my grandfather; well my real--
- What if it's dead silent in there?
(audience laughs)
People are calling all of their therapists.
"We got a new person!"
- Yeah, we're psycho.
Actually they're gonna open the door and we're just
gonna be at the insane asylum.
Like this is all just a plot.
- We go on the road together a lot,
and he wants to wake me up all the goddamn time.
- I wake up at like, 10 and go to the gym.
She wakes up at like, 4:30 in the afternoon.
- That's not true at all.
- And she's like "Mm, I'm ready for su--(snores)."
(audience laughs)
- No, we watch Bravo.
(loud clacking of trailer door being opened)
You know those vans where they put illegal workers?
That's how I feel.
(laughs)
(audience claps)
- Oh my God, that was great.
What's your guys' takeaway from doing this?
- To be fully honest, every time I've left New York
in the past three weeks to do road gigs,
I've been boo'd, screamed insults, fire alarms,
an Asian woman kept going "Okay, next."
after my jokes.
(mic tune-out)