Gather 'round the fire, and hold on to your marshmallows,
Have you ever heard the legend of the old crab
and the squeaky black boots?
It was a dark and stormish night.
The old crab was celebrating his daughter's birthday
with a delightful musical performance.
Pearl's a whale, and it's her birthday, yar yar yar!
Tada!
Thanks for the show, dad, now can we open the presents?
But instead of shelling out the clams for a pair of flipper slippers,
The old crab unwisely bargained for a pair of mysterious black boots.
Dad, you ruined me!
[crying]
Little did they know, what started as a harmless gift
would turn out to be a spine-chilling nightmare!
Boo!
Are you scared yet?
Heh, good.
The next day,
the stingy old crab brought the unwanted boots to work with him.
Oh, what am I going to do?
I spent two whole dollars on these boots!
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
[knocking]
His unsuspecting fry cook entered the office.
Mr. Krabs, can I get my paycheck?
Seizing the opportunity, the shifty old crab spun a tall tale.
SpongeBoy, my Bob!
Convincing the wide-eyed and porous cook
to take the incredible, one-of-a-kind boots instead of his paycheck!
I'm ready, I'm ready, I want those boots!
That's when things started to take a turn for the worse.
[squeaking]
[music playing]
That squeaking is going to drive us all crazy!
Later that night, the old crab's sweet cash-filled dreams
were ripped to shreds by the horrifying squeak of the tacky black boots.
The crab hobbled to work,
only to find that the sinister boots had taken on a life of their own!
And this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this!
The room started to spin.
[screaming]
[squeaking]
I didn't write that!
It was enough to drive a crab mad!
[squeaking]
Who said that?
[squeaking]
Should we keep going?
You can handle what comes next, right?
We can? I mean, sure we can!
The crazed crab grabbed the boots and ran to the kitchen.
Heart pounding, he raised the maniacal boots above his head
and plunged them into a boiling pot.
With a fateful breath, he opened wide and swallowed the boots whole!
[burping]
The deed is done.
- Um... - I need a vacation.
Bye Mr. Krabs!
Hoping peace had been restored,
the old crab and his daughter headed out of town
to escape the memory of the chilling boots.
[laughing]
Or so he thought.
Oh, no.
[squeaky hiccup]
Legend has it that the old crab never recovered,
and sometimes, when the moon is full, you can still hear him,
wandering around, warning all that---
wait, do you hear that?
It sounds like...
[squeaking]
Oh, never mind.
Think you could handle one more?
Good.
One eerily silent morning, a young, white-haired boy awoke in his bed.
Wait a minute, 10AM? How could it be this quiet this late?
The bright flash of his hair
illuminating an otherwise dark and creeptastic hallway.
Uh, hello?
Out of the dark shadows limped twin green-eyed zombies!
He whipped around to find another drooler.
Pesky flies circled her heavily-lidded eyes.
An arm pulled the young boy into a nearby bedroom.
What the--?
He looks okay, but we'd better check him.
Where more survivors were hiding,
all looking pink, perky, and healthy.
Will someone please tell me what the heck is going on?
Haven't you heard?
This morning our house became infested
with an acute febrile contagious virus.
A zombie apocalypse!
The demonic outbreak had spread like wicked wildfire,
moving from victim to victim faster than you can say,
watch out there's a baby zombie behind you!
The young, white-haired boy called a trusted friend,
hoping he could provide them with a safe place to hide.
I'll have everything ready, cots,
medical supplies, and my patented heal meals.
- How many survivors? - Six.
[sneeze]
- Make that five. - Guys, no!
It's snot what you think!
[laughing]
She's infected! Get her out!
Without a moment to lose,
the squadron armed themselves for battle.
This concoction will slow down the infected.
Lock and load, people!
One by one, the brave soldiers moved into formation out in the hall.
Luna, three o'clock!
[screaming]
Lisa, six o'clock!
Eat hot soup!
Dudes, help!
[screaming]
But it was too late, she was lost.
Evacuate!
The crew made a break for the stairs,
but they were surrounded by a drooling zombie family,
lead by a dear old undead mom and dad!
Barely escaping, they raced to the back door.
We'll be tasting freedom in three... two...--
Hey!
Out of nowhere, a green and diseased bubble floated into the kitchen,
hitting one of the girls on the nose!
Don't panic, I'm sure we'll find a way out of this.
[sneeze]
Dang it.
And then, there were two.
They hid behind a table.
The boy even tried to fit through the dog door!
But the zombies were closing in on them!
Leni, duck!
[sneeze]
A duck, where? Is it sick?
In a moment of selflessness,
the young boy leapt in front of his fellow survivor,
horrid green globs of zombie mucus pelting him in his sweet cherubic face!
She knelt beside him.
Lincoln, you saved me.
[sneeze]
Dang it.
And that's the story of how a young white-haired boy
and a loving, wonderful family
turned into a pack of disgusting, terrifying zombies.
Some say that there's still diseased
roaming around their now-condemned house,
left to groan together.
[groaning]
Onto the next story.
It was a bright and sunny morning.
Hey, that's my part!
Ahem, it was a bright and sunny morning,
pulling up to his latest job was an unsuspecting health inspector.
Inside, the brutish boss was preparing
his impressionable young fry cook for the important inspection.
Just go out there, and give him what he needs.
Pour on the charm, sweet talk him.
What can I get for you, handsome?
I'm gonna need you to bring me one of everything on the menu.
Excellent choice, my darling.
The lowly fry cook and his hard-shelled boss
treated the inspector to the meal of a lifetime,
shoving in one tasty delight after another.
And did the voluptuous inspector enjoy his meal?
So far so good, I just need to try a plain Krabby Patty
and my inspection will be finished.
While the two celebrated, a news announcement flooded the kitchen.
Be on the lookout for a man who's been passing himself off
as a health inspector in order to obtain free food.
Free food. Free food.
If that impostor wants a Krabby Patty, then by Neptune we'll give him one.
The barbarically doctored the delicious patty
until they created the most hideous burger
to ever terrorize the seven seas.
I call it the nasty patty.
[laughing]
The fry cook took the diabolical patty out to the unsuspecting inspector.
As he lifted the misshapen patty to his lips,
a sea fly buzzed its way to the back of his fishy throat,
he choked, crashing to the ground.
The fake inspector has been captured.
Here is his picture.
If a health inspector comes to your restaurant and he's not this guy,
he's real.
Phew, that's a relief, eh Mr. Krabs?
I'm sure our guy will understand if we just explain the situation,
and we can all have a good laugh about it.
I don't think he'll be laughing boy, because that patty killed him!
[screaming]
We gotta get rid of this body before anyone sees it!
We gotta take it out, and bury it.
They hatched a devilish plot.
The fry cook and his boss waited until it was pitch dark,
and by the light of a single lantern,
dragged the ragged inspector up a sandy dune.
This should be far enough, now get digging!
Yes, sir.
Suddenly, they were interrupted by a bright light.
I'm afraid we're gonna have to arrest the two of you,
for not being at the Krusty Krab
to whip us up a couple of delicious Krabby Patties!
[laughing]
Laugh, boy!
[laughing]
The sky opened up into a brilliant lightening storm,
sending the inspector down the mountain.
Put him in the trunk, boy! I'll keep them cops busy.
Back at the scene of the crime, the frazzled fry cook
stuffed the inspector into his ever-expanding hat.
Meanwhile, his boss tried to distract the hungry officers with a tasty soda pop.
- Hey, there's no ice. - Ice, ice?
You want ice? Is that what you want, you want ice?
I'll get it myself.
The duo panicked.
- There is no ice! - Step aside.
As the cop swung open the freezer door, revealing...
Nothing?
It's empty?
Behind them, a giant moaning figure emerged from the shadows.
It's a zombie!
Terrified, the cops ran towards the crazed inspector,
hitting him with anything they could get their hands on.
Hey, this guy's not a zombie.
At the risk of being hit again, I'd like to present you with this.
We passed the inspection!
- Hooray! - Hooray!
Come on, everybody, Krabby Patties at half price!
Everyone cheered and celebrated with delicious patties.
Little did they know the nasty patty had come alive,
haunting the restaurant and its patrons,
wreaking havoc on all who dare order a plain, delicious patty.
[vomiting]
But that's a story for another time.
Still not spooked? Well, campers,
do you know the story of the little princess and the doll of despair?
Once upon a time, there was a bright little princess
who loved pageants, teddy bears, fairies--
Pass, I'm into unicorns now.
Whatever, but there was nothing she loved more than dolls.
Especially her sister's treasured porcelain beauty,
with its angelic white dress, and delicate blue bow.
She's-- she's breathtaking, you absolutely must allow me
to throw her a welcome to the family tea party.
Oh, sorry Lola, but no. She's really fragile.
I have to find a way to play with that doll!
So, the little princess snuck into her sister's room
and swiped the precious doll from its creepy confines
in order to treat her to a cup of piping hot tea.
I'll make it extra sweet for you!
Oh, no!
Distressed, she raced to the laundry, but the damage was done.
The tea had pierced the doll's fragile, plushy body,
scarring her with a permanent stain!
Panicked, the little princess made a terrifying fatal mistake.
Oh, Rosie!
After ruthlessly ripping off the doll's head,
the fearful princess tried tirelessly to fix her.
But everything she did only made it worse.
Well, this is beyond fixing, so...
So, she hitched a ride to the old antique shoppe
where she spotted the perfect decoy.
What do you think Mr. Sprinkles?
If I change the eyeliner, curl the hair, and file down the teeth,
she just might pass for the original.
She stayed up all night working on her creation.
Each cosmetic procedure more dramatic than the last.
That should do it!
Once the realistic replacement
was tucked safely back in her coffin home,
the little princess snuck the tattered original outside,
abandoning her in the dark crawl space beneath the house.
Here, in case you get thirsty.
Well, at least that was thoughtful.
The little princess thought she escaped her crime forever.
But she woke the next morning to a terrifying sight!
Good morning sweet princes and princesses!
[screams]
Rosie! How did you get back up here?
She tried burying her, the creepy doll came back!
She sent her to dump.
Sayonara, spooky!
The horrifying plaything came back!
She tied her to a brick and drowned her in a pond!
So long, sister!
The spine-tingling Muppet came back again!
The little princess knew she had to come clean.
Lucy! I took your creepy doll, and then I broke her and now she's haunting me!
She looks fine to me.
Yeah, that's not your doll...
that is!
Now that I know she can haunt people, I like her even better.
Of course she does.
The princess narrowly escaped her sister's wrath,
but was the doll truly haunting her, or,
were her repeated resurrections a sign of an even greater evil...
miscommunication?
Looks like Lola's dog got out of our room again!
That's not Lola's, that's Lucy's.
'Cause I kept finding it in all these weird places
and returning it to our room.
Weird, how'd it get to all those places?
I don't know Lynn, how do boogers get made?
Some stuff is just unexplainable.
Now, the next time you consider inviting your sister's doll to a team party,
just remember the tale of the little princess
and the doll of despair!
[evil laugh]
[coughing]