- "Doc, so what's wrong with me?"
"I'll give you a hint, say two more, five times, fast."
Say two more, five times, fast.
Two more, two more. (laughing)
♪ Hey, ride with me ♪
♪ If you ride with me you can slide with me ♪
♪ If you feel like ♪
♪ Fly 50 ♪
What's up guys?
Dr. Mike here, welcome to Medical Meme Review, episode nine.
This episode is gonna start off with trees.
You heard me right, me and Mr. Beast and his entire crew
have partnered to get 20 million trees planted
by the end of this year.
Talk about epicness.
How do we do that?
One dollar donation, one tree planted.
So click down below to teamtrees.org,
make a donation so we can plant some trees
and hopefully save the environment,
but for now, meme time. (squeaking)
I wasn't even ready for it and then I said it.
He has a tumor.
(laughing) I don't know why that's making me laugh so much.
Okay, sorry.
"I found that I have been happier since I changed
"from coffee in the morning to orange juice.
"My doctor explained that it's the vitamin C
"in the natural sugars.
"But, I really think it's the vodka."
Oh my God, that is called a screwdriver, my friends.
Because when you mix orange juice and vodka,
the official drink is called a screwdriver.
Although do you know why it's called a screwdriver?
I don't know why it's called a screwdriver.
"Don't take your phone to bed for a while
"and see if that improves your sleep."
"All right, got it."
(snickering) He takes the laptop.
No electronics before bedtime.
And I know everyone says, "Oh, I wear blue light glasses
"and I put it on night mode."
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool on all that,
but you don't know about FOMO, anxiety.
Do you know why that happens?
You open your laptop, you open social media,
you're trying to be responsible.
It's 9:00 PM, 10:00 PM.
You wanna get to sleep early, so you can wake up early,
be productive, hit the gym, study a little bit,
become a better human, go volunteer at a food kitchen,
walk your dog for an extra 15 minutes.
What do you see?
Your friends in the club going.
(high pitched grunting)
Your friends in Jamaica going.
(high pitched grunting)
I don't know why that sound effect, but.
(high pitched grunting)
And they're dancing, you see your ex all of a sudden going.
(lips smacking)
And you're like, "Oh, no."
How are you gonna get to sleep?
How are you gonna be a responsible human?
There's only two things you should be doing in bed,
sleeping and (imitates creaking)
"There's been a mix up Doctor.
"Peterson's got your flu vaccine
"and you've got his Botox."
(knee slapping)
(sighing)
For those of you who don't know,
Botox is a, it's a toxin actually
that stops muscles from functioning.
When you do that, you could actually take out wrinkles
because then if the muscles not working in a specific area,
it kind of smoothens, smoothens, smooths the area out.
Why this doesn't make a lot of sense nowadays,
is we don't do it there.
We just do it in the shoulder.
"And because it's October, you have the choice
"of a regular colonoscopy or pumpkin spice."
I would have rewritten this meme,
people who have colon cleanses.
Which make no sense.
Your colon is a self-cleansing organ.
What else is self-cleansing, like in life?
What's self-cleansing, Dan?
- [Dan] A cat.
- Cat? (laughing)
Did you say cat?
I'm talking about a physical object that cleans itself.
Soap, soap is a self-cleansing object.
If your buddy uses their soap down there
and now all of a sudden, you need to use the soap.
Do you wash the soap?
No, you just go ahead and put it on your face, no worries.
'Cause the soap is self-cleansing.
The colon is much like that, it sheds cells,
it constantly replenishes itself,
there's cell turnover going on there.
So you don't need colonics, don't do it.
"Which machine you comfortable with?"
"The vending machine."
I don't know why, these drawings,
I don't know what kind of style this is, but I dig it.
And yeah, a lot of my patients are like this.
It is hard to get my patients to exercise.
In fact, I was just at the Washington Post HQ
doing a Chasing Cancer event,
and I said something wise
that I want you to hear, check it out.
I think if we put the health benefits
that you mentioned from exercise into a pill,
where we say, "This pill decreases cancer risk,
"increases longevity, boosts mood,
sexual, cognitive performance."
People would pay billions of dollars for this.
If I created it, I'd win the Nobel Prize,
yet it's very difficult to convince my patients
to begin an exercise program.
"I go to the doctor.
"He asks for a stool sample.
"I pull out a small chair from my bag.
"The doctor yells at me for wasting his time.
"I go home, still don't know why I'm pooping furniture.
"My nightmare continues." (laughing)
This is such an unrealistic scenario,
but is making me die laughing.
Oh my God.
Can you imagine somewhere in your meals
there's little stools. (chuckling)
"Power companies, sends electric bill,
"the mitochondria, 'You guys are getting paid?'"
"I'm the energy center of the cell, Baby Boo."
"My nurse friend asked me where she could find some scrubs,
"I said, 'Probably hanging out
"'on the passenger side of his best friend's ride.'"
♪ I can't sing anymore of the lyrics ♪
♪ 'cause I'm gonna get demonetised. ♪
I don't want no.
What's the rest of lyrical go like?
A, is a guy who can't get any kind feelings for me
because he's constantly hanging out with his friends
on the passenger seat, trying to look cool in the BMW/R8
and we don't want that, they're like pigeons.
Where did pigeons come into this?
"Having too much sex can cause memory loss.
"I read it on page 37 in a medical journal
"in November 2006 at 4:19 PM."
First of all, how multi-talented are you?
Reading a journal while
fornicating, (deep buzzing)
that's impressive, very impressive.
Also maybe dangerous, be safe.
What? I get it that he was having while reading it.
Timeout, timeout, Doctor Brain.
I think what this is saying,
our gentleman with the blacked-out name
has pristine memory because he's not engaged
in these types of activities, which is fine.
But clearly his memory is quite good.
I would like to see this article though.
We could do a Wednesday Check Up on it.
"How to detox your body.
"One, be born with a liver.
"Two, live your life."
(lips smacking)
Perfect, so perfect, it's delicious.
You don't need to detoxify your body.
Just have a liver and be alive.
"At the doctor's office, Mom, 'Please don't touch anything'
"toddler." (laughing)
I'm laughing because this says toddler,
all I'm picturing is 15 minutes ago,
Bear lying on the floor with his tongue like this.
(panting)
And his tongue is just laying on the floor.
And all I could think about was,
"Oh, man, he's in the hallway where I walk in with shoes
"and all the things I stepped in,
"now, it's going in his mouth."
And just as I say that, he pulls his tongue in and goes.
(gulping) Gulp.
"New version of Operation just has players
"use essential oils instead of performing
"a medical procedure."
This is so good.
Me and Molly Burke, we played Operation,
but little does she know,
there's an essential oil version
where she doesn't even have to use the little thing,
she can just put drops and fix him.
What is with the essential oil community.
I feel like they're becoming more angry in their efforts,
I'm getting more hate from the essential oil community.
Just like, "Oh, Dr. Mike doesn't get it."
I get it, it smells good.
I smile when things smell good, but curing diseases.
Come on.
"Me, 'I can drink alcohol on this medication?'
"Doctor, 'Well, one drink is gonna feel like you had four.'
"'So I'm saving money.'"
No, that's not what we mean.
We're saying that you shouldn't
drink alcohol on this medication.
In fact, the medication that comes to mind here
is called metronidazole.
When you drink alcohol when you consume metronidazole,
which, by the way, is an antibiotic
that we mainly use for intestinal infections.
You're gonna have something called a disulfiram reaction,
where you actually become more sensitive to alcohol
and you can get flushed, your face will turn red,
you're gonna get inebriated faster,
you're gonna wanna vomit sooner.
Don't do it, just don't do it.
"Actual footage of me trying to percuss my patient's lungs."
(slapping)
So when we percuss a patient's lungs,
well, we're trying to hear
if there's fluid inside the lungs.
Oh my God, to see how the sound travels.
"Pro tip, instead of fake Halloween decorations,
"use front-facing MRI images instead."
Oh my God, I think this is a T2-weighted image.
There's different specifications of how you order an MRI
depending on the settings you use.
Some there's a T1 focused image, T2 focused image.
Any radiologists, please, jump in and correct me
because I'm definitely wrong
on what kind of imaging this is, but we do look evil.
Even when you look at CT scans,
the skeleton can sometimes come out so evil
that it's like.
You don't even have to explain this.
Chest compressions, chest compressions, chest compressions
just on a giraffe.
For those of you who don't know
and who have never watched my videos,
the reasons why I always yell chest compressions
is 'cause in the medical dramas, they don't do them.
They start doing something else first.
The first thing you do is pound on the chest
and do proper chest compressions
'cause that extends a person's life.
Now, if someone's ever on the street, collapsed
and they're not breathing and they have no pulse,
what you wanna do is start chest compressions,
but a lot of people think they have to give mouth-to-mouth.
You don't have to, hands only CPR is fine.
"What idiot called it a randomized clinical trial
"controlled with placebo and not trick or treatment."
Oh my God, how appropriate is this for next week?
Hashtag Halloweeny.
If you wanna laugh and learn, click this playlist
that I updated just for you.
So we can see each other over here,
you know, being happy and healthy.
(clapping)
Seeya on this one.
♪ And them places I would go ♪
♪ And don't you know that I'm the real thing, baby ♪
♪ And if we don't make a dollar, then I ♪