-Our next guest is a very funny comedian who will be headlining
Carnegie Hall with his show
"Gary Gulman: Born on Third Base" this Saturday,
November 13th, as part of the New York Comedy Festival.
Please welcome back to the show our friend Gary Gulman.
♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Welcome back. How are you?
-It's nice to be back. I'm terrific.
-Carnegie Hall. That's a big deal.
-I was hoping you would bring that up.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-Yeah, thank you.
Because I don't want it to just be my manager
and his mother in the audience.
So you're all invited to Carnegie Hall.
[ Cheers and applause ] -But it must be --
I mean, you know, all comedians have, through the course of
their career, played some really low-rent rooms.
It must feel like a real --
This is the right arc to end up in an iconic room like that.
-It's the first venue my mother has heard of.
-Okay. [ Laughter ]
-She's not familiar with Gutbusters in Tampa,
and the Yuk Yuk's chain.
So this is very exciting.
She can tell all her friends that I'm performing in a place
they've been familiar with. -That's fantastic.
And you're living in New York now.
-Yes. -You're up in Harlem.
How is it? -It's fantastic.
The nicest people.
They tell me to have a blessed day, every day.
I live at 139,000th and... [ Laughter ]
And Malcolm X.
And people assume --
Well, my wife is a black woman, so I'm her plus-one.
So they assume that my neighborhood is gentrified.
But I think they're thinking further down towards the park.
There's a Whole Foods at 120th and Malcolm Gladwell.
-Okay. [ Laughter ]
That's a little bit more gentrified.
-Yes, and then at 110th, it's actually Malcolm in the Middle.
-Oh, I understand. [ Laughter ]
-Those are the famous Malcolms.
-The famous white -- whiter Malcolms.
-I left out Forbes and McDowell there.
So I apologize to their fans and estates.
-I want to ask about the name of your special,
'cause, you know, you did "The Great Depresh,"
which is absolutely wonderful and I can't recommend it enough,
where you talked about issues like anxiety and depression.
What is behind the name "Born on Third Base"?
-Well, I am very blessed in that, one,
I suffer from depression during a time when they could treat it.
And a hundred years ago,
they would just throw me away and lock the door.
And so I'm very grateful for that.
Also, I grew up in the '70s a white male in New England.
So I had advantages.
I'm 6'6", and I ran really fast,
so I was able to get a scholarship to college.
So I was born on third base.
As poor as we were growing up -- and we were poor --
the great thing was we didn't feel poor because my father --
a mensch -- and I just want to keep with the Jewish theme
that we have going here. [ Laughter ]
-It's a very thematic episode, yeah.
-This is -- You thought Hanukkah was early?
No. It starts before Thanksgiving.
[ Laughter ] This is incredible.
-This is a pre-Hanukkah party, yeah.
-Oh, my gosh.
My father had this policy that made us feel less poor.
He would say, "If there's something you really want,
just ask for it. We'll try to find the money."
And then, of course, like any dad, he would talk us
out of wanting whatever it was that we wanted.
Like, one year, I wanted to play hockey,
which, as a New Englander, you know, it's huge.
-Of course. Yep.
-And so he said, "If you really want to play hockey,
we'll try to find the money for you to play this sport
you've shown no potential in." [ Laughter ]
"Not only have you shown no potential,
Jews have acquitted themselves quite poorly in this sport."
And then he pulled out this sports almanac
with the Hockey Hall of Fame.
He said, "Let's count the Jewish players."
[ Laughter ]
"Ready? Done. There are zero Jewish players."
He said, "Just for a point of comparison,
more Jews have been the Messiah."
[ Laughter ]
"Do you understand that you're more likely to be Jesus?
You are more likely to walk on water
than you are to skate on it."
[ Laughter ]
-How have you -- You know, I think a lot of people were
interested in how behavior would change
over the course of this pandemic, and as we're coming
back to normal, do you -- were your predictions
correct in how people...? -No.
I really thought people were going to be nicer.
-Yeah. -And then I went to Chipotle
soon after. [ Laughter ]
I go there every other day anyhow.
It's delicious.
And the people who work there are so composed
despite the fact that they deal with this all day long.
Ready? "Corn, corn, black beans, brown rice."
Just people wagging their finger at them
to assemble their burrito.
Or their bowl. [ Laughter ]
You got to be so careful, Seth.
-In this day and age, you got to be so careful.
-You say burrito, leaving out the bowl people, the next day,
the people are on -- yes, yes.
-They're like, "Hey, bowl erasure."
[ Laughter ]
-Right now somebody is angry because I'm not doing
the manual typewriter correctly.
-Right, there's -- yeah. -They'll be writing letters.
[ Laughter ]
And so they come in there, and I just want to tell you,
if you go to Chipotle, you don't have to point.
They know where the corn is.
[ Laughter ]
You found it. You don't even work here.
How would they not know where the corn is?
Just give them the benefit of the doubt.
Say "corn," and then, if they look baffled...
[ Laughter ] ...then add the visual aid.
But until -- I'm too sen--
I wouldn't last a shift at Chipotle.
Somebody would come in, "Corn."
"Oh, is that -- Is that where the corn --
Brenda, I found the corn!"
[ Laughter and applause ]
"It was with the other toppings.
It's always the last place you look."
[ Laughter ]
-It's so lovely to see you again, Gary.
-Same here, Seth. -Thanks for being here.
Congratulations. Carnegie Hall!
[ Cheers and applause ] -Thank you.
-For more info on tour dates, go to garygulman.com.