- Hey everybody.
It's finally Friday.
And good morning.
I'm doing this in the morning even though I'm not sure
when I'll be able to upload it because I'm getting my hair
did later and it's eating up my time that I usually come
home and film and find questions and all sorts of stuff.
So I'm always trying to figure it out,
how to fit it into my day so good morning.
Happy Friday, hooray, it's Friday!
Finally Friday!
So if you're new to my channel, hello.
On Fridays I'm on Facebook.
F for Friday equals F for Facebook.
So if you asked your question using the hashtag KatiFAQ
I found em and I already answered some, so if you were like
"Hey, you didn't get to my question."
I may have already answered it.
And if any of you are askin a bunch of questions,
if you're new I encourage you to search
your topic on youtube and finish with my name.
So let's say you're worried about
anxiety, anxiety Kati Morton.
All of my videos will come up that touch on anxiety.
You can watch them.
At that point if your question isn't answered,
then you can ask it again, cause sometimes when
we're new, I have like a lot of videos, like I don't know,
350 or some ridiculous number like that.
So chances are that I probably talked about it.
So I would encourage you to have a watch off.
Watch as many as you can, and then hopefully
I've answered your question, okay.
Well I have three questions and I have a journal topic.
Thanks Alexandra for the journal topic.
Without further ado, question number one.
Hey Kati, I am 18 and I was raped
for seven years by my neighbor.
He is fifty years old.
I've been seeing him every day for seven years and I feel
that I love him, although I started feeling this new.
So it is normal, or do I need to get
help to get through this, please help.
So I think what she's asking is, this feeling is new,
but is it normal or do you need to get help?
Now, the interesting thing ...
I actually did a Monday video, I filmed last
weekend and I filmed four videos.
One of the videos, that hasn't
come up yet is about abuse.
And I'm gonna touch on it a little bit here,
but stay tuned for that, make sure you subscribe
so that you get notified if this is
something that you're curious about.
The interesting thing about abuse,
and something that there's this wonderful
book called "The Myth of Abuse" or I think it's
"The Trauma Myth" is actually what she calls it.
But anyway, this woman did a research study at
Harvard University back in the 90's-early 2000's.
And what we were taught in school, what I was even taught
in school is people have to talk through their trauma
in detail, which still holds true, that's not the myth.
And that most people found that trauma itself, or the abuse,
very, very, traumatic and scary when it was happening.
And what we found out is that that's really not the truth.
Many times, it's someone we trust, we love,
it's someone who's there to take care of us.
And as children, we don't know any different.
We don't know it's wrong.
Often, people who have been sexually abused
don't know that abuse is even happening if they're young
until they're old enough to understand it.
Like, some of the people that this woman interviewed
would say "I remember being 12 years old, and I was
watching a romantic comedy, and it kinda got hot and
heavy, and the noises they were making, I had a
flash back to when I was younger, and it was at that
point I realized my uncle had abused me."
And that was fascinating to this woman, and honestly
it's very interesting because, to go to this question,
often times when we are abused, it's someone that we care
about, we love, they're supposed to care and love for us.
And it's their fault, they're the ones that are wrong
because they're taking advantage of the fact that we
trust them and we think that they're there to care for us.
We don't know any different, we don't know any better.
We don't know what they're doing is wrong necessarily.
So it's very common for us to love that person.
Now even after the fact, if we know ...
Like this person says she was raped,
so it sounds like it was a little more traumatic,
it can confuse us because sex is something that is
supposed to be done with someone that we care about and we
love and it's supposed to be something that we decide
to do with them, that we want to do with them.
And when it's forced upon us repeatedly for years,
it can be really difficult for us to separate
sex and love, and what does that mean?
And it can make it difficult for us to
have normal sexual relationships.
And part of the healing that you will do in therapy ...
I would encourage you to do the therapy.
Yes, these feelings are normal, but no,
he does not deserve any of this.
I would encourage you, strongly, strongly, encourage you
to seek therapy to talk about it and process
it because you've been violated.
We don't always understand how we're feeling,
what's going on.
It can be really difficult for us to separate out,
like a love and a care for, and the abuse.
Because abuse doesn't equal that.
It honestly equals the opposite and it takes
our brain awhile to catch up with us.
So I would encourage you to seek therapy,
specifically with someone who deals with
abuse a lot and understands it.
And please, please, please pick up the
Courage to Heal workbook, The Courage to Heal ...
It's a yellow book, you can get it on Amazon
or probably any of your local bookstores.
They can order it for you.
It is amazing and it's very healing.
So, that would be my recommendation.
If any of you have any advice on this,
as always leave your comments below, okay?
Question #2: Hey Kati, I have depression and anxiety,
but they're both self-diagnosed.
I've asked my parents to take me somewhere
where I can talk to someone and get help
but they are ashamed and they don't want
to believe that I have problems. Ugh.
It's really hard because I have to
hide everything from them.
What are some ways that I can get help
without them knowing?
By the way, love your videos.
There are a lot of things because even if we're not adults
technically, by the law, if we're not 18 or older,
we can be 12 or older and still get therapy.
Now, the ethical 'slash' legal ramifications or things
behind them, and I've said this before in other videos,
is that we have to be able to afford the therapy.
Even if we're going through insurance,
we have to be able to afford the copay every week.
We have to be old enough to like
participate in therapy mindfully.
So it's more like developmentally and cognitively
it's not an age thing, it's more how you are.
And also, there also has to be a really good reason
for not including your parents, like they don't
believe you need help and you're really struggling
and you keep asking and they've told you no
and they're embarrassed or whatever horrible things.
So you definitely have all of the things that need to
be met, if you can afford the therapy, to seek therapy.
Now a great way to see someone without your parent's
permission is to go to your school councilor.
I would express to them that you've tried to get help
and they've, I'd just be as honest as I can.
Because sometimes if therapists worry about us,
and we're younger, we're under 18.
If they worry we're gonna harm ourselves,
if we are a self-harmer, if we're harming ourself.
They can tell our parents, and they can legally do that.
I think that they do it more than they need to,
but a lot of it is the CYA to cover your ass, we call it.
Because people are afraid of getting sued, or,
you know, it's a nasty world out there.
And it makes it, it can hurt other people because
some people use ... You know they'll sue
just because they can but then it harms some of
us that never thought of that and we
just need our privacy kept.
So I'd be as honest as you can, I'd talk to a school
councilor, I'd get a referral to a low fee therapy center
that's really close to school or something that you could
do maybe during school hours or right after school
or whatever you can work into your schedule
where they don't know and I would go for it.
Because you deserve to get help.
And just because your parents don't believe in it
doesn't mean it's not really happening, right?
Okay. Question #3: Hey Kati, my question is
is it possible to have BPD tendencies,
but not the actual disorder?
I went back to see my old therapist after being
discharged from treatment, and one of the first things
she asked me was if I was diagnosed with BPD.
They didn't tell me I was, but it seems that my
therapist thinks that I am, I guess?
So is it possible to just have the symptoms? Thanks.
I though this was a good question.
I actually was talking to a psychiatrist that
I work with just the other day.
And we were talking about borderline,
and that some people get misdiagnosed.
It can be over diagnosed.
People who self-harm, a lot of people believe
that it is completely a part of BPD
and it cannot be separated, that they have
a symbiotic relationship, which is a bunch of bullshit
because self-harm should be its own diagnosis.
It doesn't mean that we're borderline.
I get really frustrated with that.
Anyway, I was hoping the DSM woulda fixed that,
but there so narrow-minded sometimes.
So, anyway, it is under that BPD diagnosis.
Some people will say that they have it
and they don't actually have it.
You can definitely have some of the symptoms.
You can struggle with emotional regulation.
You can be suicidal, you can self-harm.
Does that mean that you're borderline?
No, it's all about meeting the criteria.
My BPD video gives you the best overview
of what we're looking for for a complete diagnosis.
But like anything, we can have parts of a ton of disorders
and not actually meet the criteria for any.
I think a lot of us have our own little neurosis and things
that make us a little funky and cool and unique.
But we don't meet criteria and we're not actually ...
We don't suffer from a mental illness
but we can have some of the symptoms.
So definitely, and I even call that ...
With some of my clients I'll say
"You know, I think you struggle most with depression
or anxiety, but it's kinda borderline light.
Like you have a few of these, so we're
gonna use some DBT techniques"
And that's just kind of how I work with it.
So they know what my thought process is
and what I'm actually diagnosing them with.
So, and I would ask your therapist,
what was I diagnosed with?
Cause it's your paperwork, its your diagnosis,
you have a right to know, I would ask.
Okay. Journal topic. Alexandra thank you so much.
It says, hi Kati, thanks for everything you do.
I have a suggestion for a journal topic.
And the quote is 'Obstacles don't have to stop you,
if you run into a wall, don't turn around
and give up, figure out how to climb it,
go through it, or work around it.'
It's by Michael Jordan, and it says
"I love this quote because no matter what
comes in your way you should never give up."
I agree, you should never give up.
Even if you hit a wall and you're stuck there
for awhile, never give up because you will
always find a way to get over it.
Thanks again for everything you do
and have an amazing weekend.
Thanks Alexandra, you too.
So, I would encourage all of you, if you heard 'no'
recently, your parent said "No, I'm not gonna take you"
If you struggle to get the help that you need,
or you're wanting to get out of the house and
you're really having a hard time,
you feel like you're hitting a wall,
or you're hitting a wall and you're recovering.
Or you just can't get any farther.
This weekend, we're gonna try again.
We're gonna think, "How can we climb over
this wall? How can we go around it?"
We're gonna think outside the box,
we're gonna try new things, we're gonna shake it up.
And I will ... Have a wonderful weekend everyone.
On Monday I will try to put a video out.
I'm not sure if I'll have enough time.
I'm flying to Washington on Monday,
so I may be on hiatus next week
because I'm going to Vlogger Fair, yay Vlogger Fair!
But I'll be on social media when it
gets closer to Vlogger Fair time.
I'm doing a meet up on the day of.
I had requested 1:00 but they just resent another form
saying what time frame would you like?
They had time chunks, so I said 11:00 to 1:30.
So I'll let you know, I will send tweets out.
I may shoot a quick video and be like
"Hey, meet up with me, I'm here, blah, so."
Stay tuned with that, and I will put out a regular
video on Monday, like my regular topic video.
But for Tuesday through Friday, I don't know if I'll have
time, but I'll try to vlog from Vlogger Fair, tada!
Okay, I love you all, have a wonderful weekend.
I'll talk you you soon, bye!