In this video, I’m going to share the most
common ways that women unintentionally push great men away. And if you’ve made any
of these mistakes, I’ll show you how to turn things around and bring the man you want
even closer. Don’t go anywhere because we’re starting right now.
So imagine the scenario.. You’ve met the
perfect guy. He is smart, funny, attractive.. and very interested in you. You start getting
to know each other and you go on a few dates, and just when you’re starting to really
like him, poof.. he disappears on you and leaves you wondering “why does every guy
I like seem to drop off the face of the Earth after a few dates? And what can I do to prevent
it from happening again?”
I’m psychologist and relationship coach dr Antonio Borrello and I can promise you
this, if you’re engaging in one or more of the following behaviors, you’re probably
pushing (even scaring) great men away.. So, without further ado, here are the behaviors
to look out for.
1. You’re Over communicating or Over Texting
Keeping in regular contact with the person you’re dating is usually very sweet and
helps to build the attraction between two people.
That is, As long as the communication is balanced, meaning he is initiating the conversation
at least 50% of the time. On the other hand, if you’re the one that is usually contacting
him first, or texting him long paragraphs compared to his one to two word responses,
it won’t be long before he begins to start seeing you as insecure and clingy.
So, answer these questions. Are you the one who usually restarts the texting every day?
does your heart drop and you feel anxious when you realize he hasn't texted back for
a while? Do you start worrying that something’s wrong
.. if yes, that’s a problem…. Especially
if you’re double and triple texting him without a response… because that adds to
your anxiety and raises the clinginess index tremendously and he will undoubtedly feel
your insecurity and neediness and that becomes very unattractive.
2 You’re Way Too Available
when you’re excited about someone, you want to spend as much time with them as possible.
But this becomes a huge problem if you are too available or always available, especially
last minute. That’s because men are attracted to women
who have a full life. Not to women who come off as needy and clingy…
So, you cannot be too available to him- you must make sure you are keeping up with the
life you had prior to meeting him, and you can’t stop doing the things you were doing
before you met him.
So Make and keep plans with your girlfriends and keep your schedule busy. This goes a
long way towards helping him to see you as a high value woman with an exciting life….
And when you do that he is going to want to be a part of that because if you have your
own life, he will find that independence sexy. It also reminds him that he isn’t the center
of your world. So therefore, he has to put more effort in to get to spend time with you.
So keep active with the friendships and activities you had before you met him because that’s
what made you who you are ... remember, Your relationship started because of who you
are. Lose your identity and you will likely lose the relationships too.
3 You Talk About Commitment Too Soon I know it’s difficult to not think about
the future when you really like someone who has potential. At the same time, it’s
important to cool your jets and let the relationship evolve naturally and not even consider committing
before you’ve really gotten to know someone. So, take that commitment goal out of your
mind because when you make something a goal, you start planning and living in the future
and then youre constantly measuring your progress towards that goal.
That means that everything you do is unconsciously slanted towards accomplishing your goal and
even worse, everything he does that makes you worried about your goal not happening
is going to make you upset and ruin the dynamic between you.
So for the first little while, just enjoy the time you spend with each other as much
as you can and let whatever will happen between you happen. Otherwise, you could wind up unconsciously
pushing him away without even realizing it. 4 You Need Constant Reassurance
It’s normal to want to know how your significant other feels about you. However, constantly
asking them how they feel for reassurance is a problem. If this is you, then you probably
ask multiple times ... Are we Good? Are You Attracted to Me? Are you sure?
You probably also need to have constant affection from them such as kisses, holding hands, ect.
This happens when you have this perpetual feeling as though things are on the cusp of
falling apart. It happens When you are always on the look out for the signs that things
are going wrong and that the relationship is about to come crashing down.
If that’ sounds like you, it may be because it’s difficult for you to believe completely
that he values you and the relationship, and so you need reassurance over and over again
that yes, everything’s fine, yes.. we are good..
this insecurity and these the mini-accusations that something’s wrong all take their toll
and quickly turn from annoyance to active resentment. This can become overbearing
for the other person, and will likely lead to the demise of your relationship.
5 You’re Too Jealous!
Jealousy in the absence of any real threat is not sexy. It’s scary, and makes guys
feel like youre going to pull a Fatal Attraction on them.
And besides being scary, irrational jealousy shows buried insecurities and diminishes attraction
rapidly. Men are attracted to women who have a sense of inner confidence and are generally,
secure in themselves. If you show signs of jealousy (such as freaking out if he wants
a boys' night out), men pick up on this incredibly quickly and run away even faster. That’s
why it’s important for you to be able to regulate your emotions and not jump to conclusions
and allow your jealousy to get out of control and push a good man away.
Now the Most Important Part of the Video..
Why does this keep happening to me and How can I turn things around.
For most people, there are two reasons.. It
happens when you start thinking of this new person as “the one” or when you start
daydreaming and romanticizing a relationship that doesn’t even exist yet, and May never
exist. So instead of being able to be present and engaged in this moment, you’re stuck
in a future where you are assuming so much… you’re daydreaming and fantasizing of all
the amazing times you will share. That causes you to elevate the importance of this relationship
a great deal.. And When you put too much into this outcome, you become too invested
in a future that you can’t control.. and that causes anxiety. When you really like
someone, when you really want someone, the stakes are higher.. the level of importance
you attach to that person is higher, and your level of anxiety and fear of losing that person
goes way up. And, when that happens, any insecurities that you may have about the relationship..
about dating that person manifest in your interactions with him. And guess what happens…
he feels it.. he notices those insecurities, and it lowers your value in his eyes and makes
you seem needy, or clingy, or even desperate and then before you know it, he’s running
for the hills.
That’s why you must stop looking to a relationship to reassure you. Remember, feeling secure
comes from inside of you. and if you don’t feel worthy...if you don’t know your value,
it won’t matter how smart, sexy, worthy or attractive your partner tells you that
you are. It won’t stick.. and you’ll need more and more reassurance to temporarily
fill you up again. That’s why you must strive to feel okay within yourself. You
need To love yourself and accept who you are. Then you can be fully accepting of the love
and affection your partner directs toward you. Again.. it comes from within, not from
looking to your partner at every turn for reassurance to prove you’re okay.
But as we discussed before, practicing self-love
in the context of a new relationship is often easier said than done. When we want another
person, we often do things that we think will win their affection. And in doing so, we often
engage in behaviors that are anything but self-loving. The good news is that like any
relationship, strengthening your relationship with yourself and practicing self love is
something you can learn to do. So, if you’re interested in learning more about practicing
self love, click here to watch this video now. And If you’ve found this video helpful,
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I’ll see you in the next video.