Ellen DeGeneres has been getting a lot
of hate on the internet recently this
video isn't meant to be a commentary on
her one way or the other
but after seeing those hate videos we
thought you'd like to know the common
types of jokes that make people dislike
you and some of the jokes you can make
instead that will make people like you
the first type of joke that will make
someone dislike you is sharing their
sensitive information to get a laugh for
example watch Taylor Swift's reaction
after Ellen tries to get her to say who
the song we are never ever getting back
together is about now not everyone is
uncomfortable talking about their exes
so this isn't immediately a bad idea for
a gag but Taylor is obviously
uncomfortable with it
despite this Ellen plows ahead to try to
get a laugh in the scenario it's pretty
obvious early on that Taylor wants Ellen
to stop but normally you won't get such
clear feedback so there are two signs of
discomfort you should look out for if
you're going to make jokes about
potentially sensitive areas of someone
else's life if you see these signs it's
time to pull back and pivot topics the
first sign you want to look for is
verbal hesitation check out this clip of
ariana grande and notice how she
repeatedly cuts herself off mid-sentence
the second sign is that Arianna shows
shrinking and self-soothing body
language first hugging herself then
covering and touching various parts of
her face body language like that is a
clear cue to pull back and pivot to a
different topic but instead Ellen plows
ahead so she can tell her joke and while
the audience laughs notice Arianna does
not you know I'm his homey and now he's
living in your homey
[Applause]
there's that right it seems like Ellen
wanted to tell that joke no matter how
ariana reacted and maybe as a talk-show
host that's okay but in your life if you
plow through these signs of discomfort
you'll end up hurting your relationship
with the person you're talking about
even if you get a laugh from other
people in this next clip take note of
Cara Delevingne self soothing body
language as the Graham Norton starts to
share a potentially sensitive sex story
of hers I think your embarrassment that
shows quite high why clearly Graham
thinks this is a funny story and wants
to share it with the audience and maybe
he thinks that since Keira shared it
with him she won't mind him telling it
and that's all good there's no harm in
bringing it up but when you see these
early signs of discomfort in your own
life like breaking eye contact and
self-soothing neck or face touches
that's your cue to change topics don't
continue to force the issue like Graham
does if you notice someone nervously
touching their face or suddenly closing
off their body take it upon yourself to
stop and redirect the conversation one
great way to do this is to turn the joke
back on yourself for example watch this
awkward clip of Ellen trying to out
Mariah Carey as pregnant by showing she
won't drink alcohol
[Applause]
ask you if you're pregnant
right then if Ellen had realized Mariah
wasn't comfortable sharing and said
something like oh you don't want to
drink great that means to for me it
would have gotten the laugh she wanted
from the audience plus a laugh from
Mariah and then she could have segwayed
into Mariah's upcoming album Mariah
would have appreciated Ellen in that
moment for taking the pressure off of
her and inviting her to talk about
something she actually wants to discuss
when telling jokes you should aim to
make the other person feel good any
negative emotion the experience will be
linked back to you
this is the second mistake people
sometimes make making jokes designed to
make the other person feel guilty for
example in this clip you'll see Ellen
attempt to jokingly make Dakota Johnson
feel guilty for not inviting her to a
party it does not go over well how was
the party I wasn't invited actually no
that's not the truth Ellen you were
invited nice to know last time I was on
the show last year he gave me a bunch
about not inviting you but I didn't even
know you wanted to be invited to a party
why I didn't even know you liked me this
is a surprisingly common joke that most
people make when they're hurt or don't
know how to communicate their
frustration but ironically all you do
with this joke is make the person want
to spend less time with you than they
already do Ellen continues the joke
after Dakota Johnson's co-star Zack
mentions how great of a friend Dakota is
from Dakota's expression you can see
she's not enjoying this style of humor
she's not a good friend of mine but
she's a good friend
to you and that's what matters for
another example here's Jimmy Fallon
trying the same joke with Robert Downey
jr. crazy blowout from what I read I
guess my invitation lost in the mill
it's fine obvi but you know I you know
where I am pretty much every nevas know
that you you can tell from Roberts face
he does not love the joke and instead of
responding with something apologetic he
fires back with a burn you had a lot of
people there pray over 30 people over
there brother yeah thing about yeah you
weren't invited these jokes often become
habits which is why you want to be
careful you say them unthinkingly and
then they backfire if you catch yourself
making jokes like this your best bet is
to change them out for jokes that make
the other person feel good the examples
in this video aren't the norm for Ellen
she's actually quite good at making
jokes that pretend to be teasing but are
really meant to elevate the other person
like here with Amy Adams you're an
amazing actress you're not not one but
two nominated films tonight you were in
that's just
that is so what is the word for it
selfish I guess if you want help
learning how to build this positive
habit you can check out our other video
on Ellen which will link to in the
description that said not every joke has
to be a compliment in order to be
well-received there's nothing inherently
wrong with teasing in fact this is how
some of the closest friends interact
with each other but one situation that
will often get you in trouble is when
you're teasing someone of lower status
than you for a solid example of how
social status affects the reception of
your jokes check out these two clips the
first clip is Jimmy Kimmel a famous TV
show host poking fun at markiplier and
mrs. May two youtubers who he doesn't
know very well and who are by contrast
less famous than him markiplier in
particular doesn't seem to like it you
guys should try being around other
humans
[Applause]
it's likely markiplier felt Jimmy was
coming from a mean place and mocking him
contrast that with this clip of Sofia
Vergara effectively making the same joke
saying her husband has a nerdy
personality I've heard you accuse him of
being a nerd in what way is hold on what
way is that
hey nerd he's inside of him he was just
put in the wrong body I tell him you're
in you're trapped in the wrong body
Sofia can get away with calling her
husband a nerd because they have a close
relationship and because Jo is an
incredibly handsome movie star so he's
very unlikely to feel sensitive about
this or take offense and as overkill she
even makes sure to compliment him each
time before calling him a nerd that's a
great way to tease someone and still
make them feel good so feel free to
tease people you're close to especially
about things they're unlikely to be
sensitive about but be aware that those
exact same jokes can come off as hurtful
or mocking if you direct them to people
who you don't know well who aren't as
high on the social totem pole like lower
classmen at school or people below you
on the org chart at work and especially
avoid teasing those people about
something they care about if you follow
this advice you'll avoid alienating
people with these common types of jokes
but unfortunately there's no guarantee
that everyone will like you especially
if you plan to live a life where you
take risks and try to be exceptional
you're going to acquire haters and
doubters along the way that's why we
created a program designed to help you
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it's a 30-day program that will give you
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no self-doubt no beating yourself up the
way this works is by focusing first and
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this means exercises that put an end to
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join click the link below either way I
really hope you enjoyed this video and I
look forward to seeing you in the next
one
you