YESTERDAY, A NEW INTERVIEW DROPPED WITH HOUSE SPEAKER NANCY
PELOSI, SEEN HERE DARING THE PRESIDENT TO PLACE HIS NUTS ON
THE STUMP.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
THAT'S A-- ♪ ♪ ♪
SHE SAID IN THE INTERVIEW: WHEN IT COMES TO THE PRESIDENT,
"I'M NOT FOR IMPEACHMENT... I DON'T THINK WE
SHOULD GO DOWN THAT PATH, BECAUSE IT DIVIDES THE COUNTRY.
AND HE'S JUST NOT WORTH IT."
OKAY, THAT'S CLEARLY REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY.
(AS TRUMP)
FOR THE GOOD OF OUR NATION, YOU MUST IMPEACH ME NOW!"
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
"NOT WORTH IT."
THAT'S A LITTLE-- THAT'S A LITTLE... WHOOP-WHOOP.
SHE'S USING A LITTLE RHETORICAL TECHNIQUE WE CALL "DUCK SEASON,
WABBIT SEASON."
PELOSI'S DAUGHTER, ALEXANDRA, HAS SAID THAT THE SPEAKER IS THE
ONLY ONE IN WASHINGTON WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING, SO WE CAN
ALL SLEEP AT NIGHT.
WELL, THAT LEAD A REPORTER TO ASK, "HOW WELL DO YOU SLEEP AT
NIGHT?" PELOSI ANSWERED,
"IT DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH CHOCOLATE I HAVE EATEN DURING
THE DAY."
"TODAY, I GAVE UP CHOCOLATE FOR LUNCH-- I MEAN FOR LENT.
IT REALLY WAS MORE FOR LUNCH, BECAUSE I'M OFF IT ALREADY.
I HAD A DOUGHNUT FOR BREAKFAST.
THEN, ONCE I HAD THE DOUGHNUT, I THOUGHT I MIGHT AS WELL HAVE THE
CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM FOR LUNCH.
THEN MY COLLEAGUE CAME FROM GUAM AND BROUGHT CHOCOLATE CHIP
COOKIES.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?"
( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
GO AHEAD.
SURE, CLAP AWAY.
JUST A REMINDER: THE QUESTION WAS, "HOW WELL DO YOU SLEEP AT
NIGHT?"
I'M GUESSING NOT THAT WELL, SINCE SHE CAN'T MAKE IT THROUGH
A WORKDAY WITHOUT SNORTING A LINE OF COCOA.
THE BROWN DRAGON.
( LAUGHTER )
YESTERDAY, DONALD TRUMP UNVEILED HIS NEW BUDGET, WHICH WOULD CUT
$818 BILLION FROM MEDICARE OVER TEN YEARS.
SO SENIORS-- >> Audience: BOO!
>> Stephen: I KNOW.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET TEN YEARS' WORTH OF COLONOSCOPIES NOW.
OR JUST GET ONE AND TELL THEM TO LEAVE THE CAMERA HANGING UP
THERE WITH THE CORD HANGING OUT AND PLUG IT INTO THE XBOX, AND
SHOOT THOSE POLYPS.
DESPITE-- HE'S TO GO THIS DESPITE AT HIS RALLIES HE SAYS,
"WE WILL PROTECT MEDICARE.
WE WILL PROTECT MEDICARE.
>> Stephen: YES, WE WILL PROTECT MEDICARE FROM THOSE
GREEDY OLD PEOPLE.
STAY BEHIND ME, MEDICARE.
I'LL FIGHT THEM OFF.
IT SHOULDN'T BE HARD.
THEY'VE GOT BONES LIKE BRED STICKS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
RIGHT?
OF COURSE, THIS SETS UP AN EPIC BATTLE OVER HEALTHCARE IN THE
2020 ELECTIONS.
YESTERDAY, TRUMP SAT DOWN WITH "BREITBART," AND EXPLAINED WHY
THE DEMOCRATS' HEALTHCARE PLAN IS POPULAR WITH VOTERS:
>> THEY THINK, FREE HEALTHCARE.
ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?
BUT THE TRUTH IS WHEN YOU'RE UP ON THE DEBATE STAGE, AND THEY
SAY, "WE'RE GIVING YOU FREE EDUCATION.
WE'RE GIVING YOU FREE HEALTHCARE.
WE'RE GIVING YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT, AND A ROLLS-ROYCE IN
EVERYONE'S POCKET," IT'S NOT AN EASY SITUATION.
>> Stephen: YES, EDUCATION, HEALTHCARE, ROLLS ROYCE-- ALL
LUXURIES.
WHAT DO YOU WANT NEXT, BIG GOVERNMENT PAYING FOR
DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED CATHETERS?
THAT'S WHAT YOU POORS WANT.
TRUMP CONTINUED: >> YOU TALK ABOUT SINGLE PAYER.
IT SOUNDS VERY SEDUCTIVE-- SINGLE PAYER.
SAY WHAT YOU WANT, BUT IT'S A VERY SEDUCTIVE THING.
>> Stephen: HE'S RIGHT.
HE'S RIGHT, JON.
IT'S VERY SEDUCTIVE.
"HEY, BAEK, YOU WANT TO PLAY DOCTOR?
I HOPE SO.
BECAUSE I'M VERY SICK."
( LAUGHTER )
TOO EXPENSIVE TO KEEP POOR PEOPLE ALIVE.
>> NOT ONLY IS THE COUNTRY NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO AFFORD IT,
BUT IT'S MORE THAN THE ENTIRE REVENUE STREAM TAKEN IN FOR THE
ENTIRE-- IT'S, LIKE, NOT EVEN CLOSE, RIGHT?"
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: NOW-- QUOTE, UNQUOTE.
THAT MIGHT SOUND LIKE THE INSANE RAMBLINGS OF A SYPHILITIC BRAIN,
BUT LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU.
LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU.
LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU, PUT IT IN LAY MAN'S TERMS.
HERE'S HOW MUCH IT WOULD COST TO HAVE MEDICARE FOR ALL.
AND HERE'S THE REVENUE STREAM FOR THE DEPARTMENT OF ENTIRE.
AS YOU CAN SEE, MEDICARE IS MORE BY A DIFFERENCE OF "LIKE
NOT EVEN CLOSE, RIGHT?" SO TRUMP UNDERSTANDS WHY PEOPLE
WANT MEDICAL CARE, BUT WARNS, "WHAT HAPPENS IS TEN YEARS
LATER, THE COUNTRY IS GONE.
OKAY, WHETHER IT'S THIS COUNTRY OR ANY OTHER COUNTRY."
( LAUGHTER )
MEDICINE, AND TEN YEARS LATER-- IT'S GONE.
YOU WILL BE MISSED, EVERY OTHER INDUSTRIALIZED COUNTRY.
TRUMP ALSO WEIGHED IN ON THE ETHIOPIAN AIRLINES CRASH IN
WHICH 157 PEOPLE DIED.
NOW, NATURALLY, OUR HEARTS GO OUT TO ALL THE FAMILIES, WHOSE
GRIEF CAN NOT BE IMAGINED.
SO FAR, THE PRESIDENT HAS NOT SAID NOTHING ABOUT THEM.
INSTEAD, HE RAILED AGAINST THE BOEING 737 MAX 8 TWEETING,
"AIRPLANES ARE BECOMING FAR TOO COMPLEX TO FLY.
PILOTS ARE NO LONGER NEEDED BUT, RATHER, COMPUTER SCIENTISTS
FROM M.I.T.
I SEE IT ALL THE TIME IN MANY PRODUCTS.
ALWAYS SEEKING TO GO ONE UNNECESSARY STEP FURTHER, WHEN
OFTEN OLD AND SIMPLER IS FAR BETTER."
HE SHOULD KNOW.
WE'VE NEVER HAD A PRESIDENT OLDER OR SIMPLER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
VIEW.
WORTH THE LOOK.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) (AS TRUMP)
"AIRCRAFT IS TOO COMPLEX.
THAT'S WHY WE'RE DEVELOPING THE B-52 BLIMP BOMBER AND THE
STEALTH BIPLANE.
OR MAYBE JUST A WOODEN DOGHOUSE.
THEY'RE SO SIMPLE, I SAW IN THE NEWSPAPER A BEAGLE IS FLYING
THEM."
( LAUGHTER )
DECISIONS ARE-- DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT--
NEEDED, AND THE COMPLEXITY CREATES DANGER.
ALL OF THIS FOR GREAT COST, YET VERY LITTLE GAIN.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I DON'T WANT ALBERT EINSTEIN TO BE
MY PILOT."
YES, GOOD POINT, THAT'S WHAT AMERICANS WANT: DUMBER PILOTS.
"THIS IS YOUR PILOT SPEAKING: DUUUUUUH.
I'M TRYING MY BEST UP HERE, FOLKS, BUT I JUST CAN'T GET
THESE WINGS TO FLAP.
EVERYBODY JUMP UP AND DOWN ON THREE."
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT