>> Stephen: WE'RE BACK WITH THE MAN HIMSELF, MR. JOHN
STEWART.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JON --
YEAH.
>> Stephen: EITHER I ASK YOU A QUESTION NOW OR DO GO ON.
>> CAN I SAY SOMETHING ABOUT SCIENTISTS.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING, SOME OF MY BEST
FRIENDS ARE SCIENTISTS.
>> I LOVE THEM AND THEY DO SUCH GOOD WORK BUT THEY ARE GOING TO
KILL US ALL.
>> Stephen: ATOMIC BOMB, PEOPLE.
>> ATOMIC BOMB.
THEY'RE STILL PEOPLE.
IF YOU CUT THE ATOM THIS WAY, IT CAN POWER THE WAY WITH
ELECTRICITY, IF YOU CUT IT THAT WAY, IT CAN BLOW EVERYTHING UP.
GUESS WHICH ONE WE TRIED FIRST.
THAT'S WHO WE ARE.
REMEMBER THE 1918 PANDEMIC -- >> Stephen: I'VE READ.
I WAS THERE.
LOOK AT MY BEARD.
1918, THEY HAD A SAMPLE THAT I GUESS HAD BEEN IN THE WHATEVER
PERMAFROST LAB IN 1918, SO THE IDEA WAS THEY WERE GOING TO
REANIMATE IT, SO THAT THEY COULD STUDY IT.
THE 1918 PANDEMIC FLU.
THEY HAD A LITTLE SAMPLE OF IT AND IT HADN'T BEEN A SCORNLG IN
THE EARTH IN 100 YEARS AND THEY THOUGHT TO THEMSELVES, WHAT IF
WE JUST, I DON'T KNOW, WOKE IT UP.
AND NOBODY IN THE ROOM WAS, LIKE, NO, LET'S NOT DO THAT.
BUT THEY DID THAT.
HERE'S HOW I BELIEVE THE WORLD ENDS, AND I SAY THIS TO YOU IN
SINCERITY.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
WE ARE A SCREWED-UP WORLD.
RACISM, INEQUALITY, FASCISM, AUTHORITARIANISM, ALL THESE
HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE THINGS, NATURAL RESOURCES ARE RUN DOWN,
THAT WILL ALL BE FINE.
( LAUGHTER ) THE WORLD ENDS, THE LAST WORDS
MAN UTTERS ARE SOMEWHERE IN A LAB, A GUY GOES, HUH HUH, IT
WORKED!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: JOHN STEWART, WHAT AN EXTRAORDINARY DELIGHT TO SEE
YOU.
>> I JUST WANT TO SAY, THIS HUMAN CONTACT -- NOW, YOU KNOW I
DON'T CARE FOR IT.
>> Stephen: I KNOW.
( LAUGHTER ) >> BUT TONIGHT, YOU AND DAVE
CHAPPELLE, I BELIEVE, SUSTAINED ME DURING THIS PERIOD, AND MY
FAMILY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MY FAMILY AND MY SON IS HERE
WITH ME.
MY DAUGHTER IS HOME BECAUSE SHE JUST GOT HER FIFTH VACCINE.
>> Stephen: WOW.
WE ARE SO CAREFUL.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: BEFORE WE GO, I
JUST WANT TO LEAVE EVERYBODY WITH ONE THING.
>> WHAT'S THAT.
>> Stephen: THAT IS, I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THE 17-YEAR
CICADAS.
DO YOU HAVE THEM WHERE YOU ARE?
>> I JUST ASSUMED THAT WAS SMOG WITH GOD, THE PLAGUE, THE
PANDEMIC AND THE I CICADAS.
>> Stephen: I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU 17 YEARS AGO
AND HAVING YOU ON.
I HAD OUR PRODUCERS PULL A SHOT OF YOU AND ME 17 YEARS AGO.
>> OH, MY GOD.
>> Stephen: LAST TIME THE CICADAS WERE HERE, WE LOOKED
LIKE THIS.
( APPLAUSE ) >> WAIT, IF I MAY, AND I JUST
WANT TO SAY THIS VERY QUICKLY, TIME APPEARS TO HAVE RAVAGED ONE
OF US UNEQUALLY.
( LAUGHTER ) THERE IS A SAYING -- AND I SAY
THIS WITH ALL DUE RESPECT -- >> Stephen: YES.
THERE'S A SAYING BLACK DON'T CRACK, IMPLYING BLACK PEOPLE AGE
VERY GRACEFULLY.
JEWS AGE LIKE AVOCADO.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU EXPOSE A JEW TO AIR.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU OXIDIZE HIM.
RIGHT.
JUST A LITTLE BIT.
BUT YOU TAKE A KNIFE, SCRAPE IT OFF, AND I'M FINE.
>> Stephen: YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
>> I LOVE YOU!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I LOVE YOU!
>> Stephen: PLEASE!
JOHN STEWART, EVERYBODY!
BACK WITH A SPECIAL PERFORMANCE BY JON BATISTE!
♪♪♪