I wanna mention someone.
I briefly brought him into the conversation before but
he's one of the unsung heroes here, Eduardo.
Eduardo, you do a wonderful job.
[Eduardo] Thank you sir, as do you.
Oh, you're on thin ice with me, Eduardo.
Oh, my God.
What is your exact title, Eduardo?
Production audio engineer, whatever you wanna call it.
So, Eduardo and I get along fine.
He's very good at what he does
and he did a brilliant job setting up this
new podcast studio that we have
and we are indebted to you sir.
But you and I have run afoul of one another.
We have.
Because I guess you're a music fan
and you started, in my opinion
aggressively choosing the music
that would be playing
even before we start recording.
So I'd come in and
you made some strong choices, early on.
I played some, I think you called it
"aggressive jazz" when I first
I came in here and it was "scootily oot dootdoot" jazz.
Scatting jazz, kind of?
(Conan scatting)
It was that kinda jazz and I didn't know if
you were running an after hours club.
You offered me a Brandy, you said
"Have a seat, daddio."
Sounds pretty good.
I underestimated your level of coolness.
[Everyone] Ooooooooh.
Under, oh that's good.
What's the matter, you didn't have any Blink 187?
Why would you do a callback to something that
we were doing so well.
I don't think you know how this works.
These go in succession.
Yeah, sure.
People listen.
Anywho, Eduardo, I came in and I said
"What's with the music?"
And you it's interesting.
I think a lot of people in your position
probably at that point, would have killed all music
but no, you kept swinging for the fences
and every time I'd come in
there's new genres playing, new tunes
and today, I came in, you had The Killers blaring.
That's right, which...
Should I admit you thought it was Maroon 5?
Okay.
Not to, you know, throw you under the bus but...
You did though, and I appreciate it.
And don't you mean, Maroon 7?
I mean, I didn't have any idea
who it was, but I just said
"Hey, let's you know, let's can it
with the Maroon 5."
I wasn't ya know, trying to identify them as Maroon 5.
But, I think it's just all music in general.
I'm not ready to hear music, when I come in here.
I think that might be it.
What do you think, Sona?
To be honest, I'm enraged, right now
and I'm gonna tell you why.
It's because earlier, you guys were having an exchange
and Eduardo was telling you how to position your mic
and you're like, "Thank you, Eduardo."
And then that was it.
And then there was no bit afterwards.
And now the only gripe you have with him
is music you told people I was a vampire
for like the first two years that I knew you.
I honestly thought you were.
That wasn't me doing a
I honestly thought that you drank the blood of the living
that you slept mostly during the day
that you had to be covered in the native soil of Armenia.
Before uh, these were things that I thought were true.
Well, we've moved on from that
but my thing is, your whole thing now with Eduardo
is just that he plays music you don't like?
I'm enraged, I'm so angry.
Well, first of all, Eduardo is very accomplished
at what he does, and does a very good job.
You famously and you've written a book about
how you're terrible at what you do.
I think it's called "World's Worst Assistant".
That was your title, not mine, by Sona Movsesian.
I appreciate the plug, but this
you need to shit on Eduardo.
Yeah, I think it's time.
I'm upset.
You shit on all of us, you shit on Adam
you shit on Blay, you shit on Matt, you shit on me.
I'm gonna be really honest with you
Eduardo is very knowledgeable, he's very skilled
he's a good looking fella.
I come in here, he's just killing it
day in, day out.
The fuck...
So, other than hi playing music loudly
whenever I come into the studio
which you know, isn't my favorite thing
I have no gripe with Eduardo.
Eduardo is we're lucky to have him.
But you don't need gripes.
I can't say that about you.
But you don't need gripes.
You don't make fun of his tweed
and you make fun of Adam and his Rolls Royce
and you just make fun of Blay, just in general.
First of all, I mean Matt Gourley
is a legitimately comical character.
You know, he comes in here
No.
You are.
You have your stuff that you just bought on Ebay...
You're just doubling down.
I'm wearing a gray tshirt.
I'm wearing a gray Hanes tshirt.
Right, right.
You dress defensively now
because the first couple of times you showed up
when I first him
he was wearing a Sherlock Holmes deerstalker cap
that he got on Etsy.
Why are you laughing?
Wha
[Conan] Yes, it's true.
Why are you laughing, Vlad?
Huh, you wanna do this?
He smokes a cooky pipe.
He's turning us against each other
do you see that?
Do you see that, you bloodsucking vampire?
Aren't you angry there's nothing mean about Eduardo?
But Eduardo is just
what are you gonna say?
Back me up on this.
Shut up, you motherfucker.
(everyone laughing)
You know what I love?
You just read that swear off a little card you wrote
because you've been practicing that
to seem less Gourleyish, so hard.
"You mitherfacker".
Go ride a dick car, you stupid scrooge.
You're a big fuzz dick.
[Conan] See?
Straight on, you weirdo.
Oh, my God, that's so weird.
[Conan] He just can't do it.
It's weird.
He can't do it.
I can do it.
It's coming off a little weird.
Go on and lose a tooth.
I'm getting strong sibling energy from Sona right now.
As someone who has two older sisters
I have one who would always tell my mom or dad
"Hey, why are you yelling at me?
Yell at him."
But see, anyone listening right now
is like, "Man I could listen to Eduardo all day."
You know and we've done studies that show
Sona, when you start talking
people turn the radio way down.
Just cut the volume.
The radio...
(everyone laughs)
When people listen to this
when they gather 'round the Philco
and they're wearing their Bibb overalls
'cause they've been toiling all day
in the field and it's time to listen to
The Conan O'Brien Podcast Hour on the Philco
It's time to get your little paper cup of pills
and start the show.
"Nothing to fear but fear itself."
And now, this program brought to you by
Corn Cob Cookies.
Now made with real corn cob.
So angry.
Well, anyway, you're the best, Eduardo.
And this sounds beautiful, because of you.
Thank you.
Nicely done.
You don't even know.
You don't even listen.
I can't listen to this crap.
(everyone laughs)
I've got things to do.
Absolute shit.