- Fix the hair.
What side do we want it on today?
This is, (laughing)
this is out of control.
I don't know what it's doing.
I don't know if I will accept it.
I guess we'll find out in the edit.
(laughing)
Hey everybody, (coughing)
how's everyone doing today?
How are we holding up?
Let's have a check-in in the comments today.
It's getting close to the holidays
and I just hope that you're doing okay.
For any of you who don't know me, my name is Alayna Joy.
I make videos on this channel,
mostly about the LGBTQ community.
And I talk about my hair and my clothes a lot,
but like not in a helpful way,
(laughing)
just in a I'm still trying to figure it out too kind of way.
So hit that subscribe button if you haven't already.
Follow me on Instagram (bell ringing)
'cause that's where the magic happens.
And welcome, welcome to the family.
Hope you (laughing) enjoy this chaos.
Ever since (twinkling) the "Re-Coming Out,"
that whole time period that gets its own title,
(twinkling) the "Re-Coming Out," ever since then,
so many of you have been sending me this Reddit thread
called (tinkling) r/LateBloomerLesbians.
My understanding is that it's a thread,
like a message board, right?
That's what Reddit is, right?
It's just like (laughing) a message board?
It's like MSN 2020? It's a forum.
That's a better word, forum.
(laughing)
It's a forum for folks like myself who have come out
as queer later on in life and are just feelin'
brand new to the space and still figuring it out.
So I thought for today's video,
we should go over this Reddit thread together
and react to it, see what they've got goin' on.
Maybe it will help validate
some of our shared experience here.
You know what, I think I'm actually gonna do
a quick switch of the audio system here,
because I feel like this clicking,
(clicking)
it's probably ruining everything.
Hi, again, sorry, I think this should be better.
Before we jump into the video,
I wanna give a huge shout out to today's sponsor,
(twinkling) Skillshare.
Skillshare is an online learning community.
They have thousands and thousands
of classes on all sorts of topics.
They have all sorts of creativity-focused classes
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on things like coffee brewing,
like how to brew the perfect cup of coffee.
They have classes on witchcraft,
if that's something that would interest you theoretically.
And everything's online (bell dinging)
so you can watch classes when it best suits your schedule.
They also have classes for all different skill levels,
which is great for me because the class I'm currently taking
is called "Drawing as Self-Discovery: 5 Ways to Start."
And I am so bad at drawing.
(laughing)
And what I think is really neat about this specific class
is the way that she's incorporating drawing
as like a creative outlet into larger self-care practices
like keeping a gratitude journal.
It's a really lovely little class so far
and I highly recommend that you check it out
amidst the thousands of other Skillshare classes
that are available.
And the first thousand people that click the link
in my description get a free Premium membership trial.
So click that link, sign up, check it out,
and let me know what you think.
Now,
on to the lesbian content.
(laughing)
What I know you're all here to see,
lesbianism. (laughing)
r/LateBloomerLesbians.
"Some of us are married to men, some of us are dating them.
"And some of us are chronically single,
"but we all have one thing in common.
"We are late to the coming out game."
Yes, me too, I'm with ya so far.
"A place for queer, gay, bi, pan, lesbian
"and questioning-humans to share,
"give advice, and receive support."
Okay, this sounds lovely already, I'm in.
"We welcome discussions that explore what life looks like
"or could look like as a late bloomer lesbian.
"This includes conversations around sexuality, sensuality,
"life, friendships, random thoughts, fun, and more."
Ah, well, this just seems nice so far.
Like, yeah, I wanna be part of it.
I wanna be in the community, can I come?
Can I join?
Can I sit with you at lunch?
So the top post in this of all time, oh!
"Make way for the U-Haul express.
"Did the absolute best thing ever yesterday.
"My heart!"
I wonder if these folks are late bloomer lesbians
or even if one of them is, see, there's hope.
There's still hope.
How old are these people?
(laughing)
Oh, the top comment is, "Hey, this is my daughter
"and future daughter-in-law and I'm so proud, mamalove."
They're engaged and they're in love.
And the mom supports it, this is so wholesome.
Oh yes, okay,
this, so this is
basically why I've decided to start using
the word lesbian now.
When I first re-came out,
(twinkling) the re-coming out days,
(laughing)
I said that I wasn't comfortable with the word lesbian.
I take that back,
literally because of what SadChickpea's tweet says.
"I used to hate the word lesbian too
"because it felt sexualized and made me uncomfortable.
"But then I realized that it was internalized lesbophobia.
"Lesbian is a beautiful word and the people who use it
"as an insult or porn category
"don't get to take that from us."
For me, the word made me uncomfortable,
but I wasn't sure why.
All I knew is that I wanted to be inclusive
toward non-binary folks.
And I had had conversations with non-binary folks
where they told me that the word lesbian
did not feel inclusive to them.
But then I saw in the comments of that video,
so many non-binary folks talking about how they identify
as a lesbian or how the term lesbian absolutely
doesn't disqualify or exclude non-binary people.
So that's why I use the identifier lesbian,
but also the identifier queer or gay,
and these kinds of more umbrella terms.
But what I didn't realize is that a lot of my discomfort
around the word lesbian came from the fact
that it felt like a dirty word when it's absolutely not.
(laughing)
The porn industry has made lesbian into a dirty word,
has sexualized the word lesbian.
And I wanna take that (beep) back.
So I'll wear it loud and proud.
"My fiance and I on her birthday this weekend.
"My beautiful queen is on the right."
Oh my God, babes.
Is this page just like queers celebrating each other's love?
(laughing) It's so nice.
Ooh, "First time buying flowers for a woman,"
that's exciting for you, congratulations.
Have I ever bought flowers for a woman?
I think I have yet to buy flowers for a woman.
I gotta get on that. (laughing)
Oh, (laughing)
"I am enjoying everyone's
"'12-year-old me realizing I'm gay' memes,
"but since I personally didn't realize I was gay
"until I was 24 and married to a man,
"I will sit over here with my aged crone queers
"who did not have a childhood."
I'm having it right now, it's not too late.
I'm a teen, I'm an adolescent all over again.
"If you're still wondering if it's worth it to walk away
"from 10 years of living a lie...
"It is."
Ooh!
Whoa, why is that one...
What, why did that
hit me like this?
(sighing)
Sorry, I don't, whoa,
I don't know why I'm responding like this.
(sniffing)
I think because (sniffing) it is worth it.
It is worth it and I know that now.
And I can tell you that now from personal experience,
whereas I was so afraid at the beginning.
I was really scared I was making a mistake.
Oh my god, I don't wanna ruin my makeup.
(laughing)
But it wasn't, it wasn't a mistake.
It wasn't, it was what I had to do.
And I may not be, (laughing)
I may not be (sniffing) posting Sunday selfies like this,
but I can tell you with absolute certainty
that it is worth it.
Oh my goodness.
This is not what I expected this video to turn into.
I thought this was gonna be funny.
(laughing) Okay, okay.
Courtney McNerdy, cut it out,
with you and your beautiful love.
"Finally came out earlier this year
"and so happy to celebrate Pride
"with the most amazing girlfriend in the world."
Beauties, both of you.
"Took almost 20 years to catch up
"to what I'm sure seemed obvious to others back then."
Look at you with your nose piercing
and your incredible brown eyes.
This is just a page of babes.
That's all this is.
"This is me 40 in 2020.
"New chapter of coming out and loving me."
You go! (laughing)
Top comment is, "Great, I'm dead.
"Why dead? 'Cause you in that top struck me dead."
(laughing)
Okay, Alayna, get your (beep) together.
"I remember when I came out to my dad at Olive Garden
"and he was like, 'Oh, all right.'
"And then when I asked why he wasn't shocked,
he said, 'If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck,
"'and hangs out with a bunch of ducks,
"'it's probably a duck,' and I was like, 'Well damn.'
"Just moved into my own place,
"ended a long-term relationship,
"and about to start this new journey,"
(tongue clicking) drink,
"being gay AF."
Yes, same.
Oh (beep), like same, same, same, same, same.
"Because of this wonderful subreddit..."
That's what they're called, subreddits.
Not message board, not forum, subreddit.
God, I am getting old.
Oh no, I'm getting old and I'm only 28.
I can't, I don't have room.
I don't have the mental capacity
for an existential crisis right now.
"Because of this wonderful subreddit,
"I've discovered how gay I am and my love of suits."
Oh yes, you rock that suit.
120 days ago, "Yes, gay!"
We do like to celebrate the important things.
"Turned 40 in April,
"but I feel like I aged a decade in 2020."
So this is really like,
there's all different age groups of brand new lesbians here.
"Just came out at 50, going through divorce,
"but happy with my new partner.
"I'm the silver-haired one, hi from Ireland."
Hi back, just came out at 50.
It's never too late.
It's never too late to be who you truly are.
You are never trapped.
You never don't have a choice.
Obviously your safety has to come first.
And I recognize that we live in a world
where everybody's safety in the LGBTQ community
isn't always guaranteed, which is heartbreaking.
And if that's the case for you,
I'm happy that you found this video.
Check out for subreddits (laughing)
like this one because you're not alone.
Okay, we've got a lot of beautiful love stories here.
Let's try looking at hot posts
to see if there's like,
I'm looking for memes, you know?
"Called off my engagement and came out as a lesbian
"five days before my 29th birthday.
"It's never too late to learn to be yourself."
(laughing) Yeah.
That doesn't sound familiar at all.
(laughing)
"Hoping I'm not the only one about to go
"through my whole phase once this pandemic slows down."
Yep, aren't we all just like waitin' on it?
That's the thing is, not only are we late bloomer lesbians,
we're late bloomer lesbians re-experiencing
our adolescence in the middle of a pandemic.
This is not okay, 2020, why would you do us like this?
Ooh, hello. (laughing)
Oh, the eye shadow.
Yes, oh, there's also a post here from a 17-year-old.
Truly cross-generational, this subreddit.
Take a drink every time I say subreddit.
I'm just tryin' to say it a lot to normalize it
within my vocabulary.
The shirt says it all.
Sorry I'm late. (laughing)
Sorry I'm late to being gay.
"Today I had the epiphany that I spent
"so much of my life searching for a girl best friend
"who was just mine and who are shared everything with.
"But what I really just wanted was a girlfriend.
"How's your Sunday?"
Oh, "35, five years out of the closet
"and living my best life, it can be done."
Oh my God, hello. (laughing)
"My first selfie Sunday.
"Tell me something good to watch, I'm running out."
How bout the Alayna Joy YouTube channel?
You're absolutely welcome here.
Come on, come on, join us any time.
"A way to tell if you lesbian.
"Check the size of your ring versus index finger."
Ring versus index finger.
"Apparently there's a phenomenon
"in the lesbian community where most lesbians
"have longer ring fingers than index fingers.
"This is because we have higher levels of androgen
"from the womb which contributes
"to the longer finger growth.
"So if you're ever finding yourself confused,
"just check in with science.
"Seriously though, every lesbian I know
"has a longer ring finger."
Oh God, I'm scared.
I think they are about the same.
Oh.
What do you think, about the same?
About the same, ahh, who needs science anyway?
(laughing) Just kidding, just kidding.
Someone said, "Sorry, turns out I'm not gay.
"Sorry for the confusion."
And someone commented, "Last night was pretty gay."
(laughing)
"Trans women are women, pass it on."
Trans women are women, pass it on.
And here, let's end on this one.
This isn't necessarily a sexuality or a queer post,
but it's just nice,
which this whole video has felt unexpectedly nice.
I like it, it feels appropriate for this time of year.
"Felt like this was a great place to put this.
"Finding myself has really helped me do all of these.
"I hope the same for each of you.
"Things I'm no longer apologizing for.
"Working at a slower pace.
"Not always being available.
"How long it takes to process my feelings.
"Not knowing an answer right away.
"Accepting my body as it is.
"And prioritizing the people that matter."
Amen to that.
Thank you to everybody who sent me that forum,
that (clapping) subreddit.
Damn it. (laughing)
It's just another example of the communities
and support that you can find online.
The internet can be a big and intimidating and scary place,
but it can also be wonderful.
That's it for this video.
Another huge thank you to (bell dinging) Skillshare
for sponsoring this week's content
and continuing to support queer content
and queer creators like myself.
Remember, if you click that link in my description,
the first thousand people get a free trial
of a Skillshare Premium membership,
meaning you get access to all the classes on the platform.
So definitely check that out.
And another huge thank you to my (twinkling) VIP patrons.
♪ My vitally important producers ♪
I love you all so much and I'm so grateful
for your continued support,
and that's all I have for you today.
I hope that you're having a lovely day.
I hope that you are feeling cozy and warm
as we gear up for the holiday season.
And I'll see you in the next one.
Bye. (blowing kisses)
For this week's video, I want to...
(clicking) I'm worried that this clicking
is going to really pick up on the mic.
Can you hear that?
(clicking)
Is it distracting?
Am I ruining the entire quality of this video?
I should probably stop.