(electronic beeping)
(melodic music)
(birds chirping)
(yawning)
(bird chirping)
- Oh, birds.
♫ At sunset, I wandered through the village
♫ Glowing in the twilight and so quiet
♫ Well it's quiet 'cause most people
♫ Died of a plague
♫ Caused by jealous witches
♫ I wandered through the village and I think
♫ That my life is missing something dear
♫ As I stop to rest
♫ And cough up blood I wonder
(coughs)
♫ When will I find my prince
(sighs)
♫ I wandered through the village and I noticed
♫ That everyone but me has found a love
♫ There goes the blacksmith with his daughter wife
♫ 10 years old and pregnant with her brother's son
(man laughing)
♫ I wandered through the village sighing deeply
♫ Seeking guidance from the statue in the square
♫ It's a statue of Christ
♫ Adorned with thief hands
♫ Oh when will I find my prince
Oh look, everyone.
It's my friends from the forest, the Jews.
Hello, Jews.
You know, I never did ask you.
Why do you live in the forest?
(high-pitched chattering)
Oh I see, to hide from people trying to kill you.
Well that's very resourceful my picky little friends.
Tell me, have you ever had a dream
that you thought wouldn't come true?
(high-pitched chattering)
Oh I see.
You dream is that they won't want to kill you.
Well that's definitely a dream that won't come true.
Oh well goodbye, goodbye.
Jews.
(dramatic music)
♫ Oh if I found my prince
♫ We'd have a wedding elegant and rare
♫ We'd dine on kidney cream and horse vagina
♫ Drink champagne and torture a bear
♫ Oh if I found my prince
♫ The castle would be filled with love and laughter
♫ And he'd fill me with his seed
♫ Forcibly and rough
♫ I'd give birth to a son
♫ And then die right after
♫ I wandered through the village seeking answers
♫ But love hasn't given me a glimpse
♫ It isn't in this shop or in this cart of baby corpses
♫ Oh when will I find my prince
When, Hand Jesus?
♫ Oh when will I find my prince
(metallic chiming)
Oh it's my prince.
- Hello.
(girl coughs)
- Oh (beep).
(melodic music)
(guitar riff)
- Hey there, thank you for supporting Cracked.
If you'd like to subscribe, you can do that at any time.
I know that you're a big fan of Soren-erotica
which I've done before and unfortunately I'm out,
but I thought maybe I could just come up
with some on the fly.
Parker took off his pants
and the girl that was with him was like,
yeah, that's a dick,
and he was like, I know.
And then they were gonna have sex
and he was like, but I'm also, I'm a horse,
no he's not a horse.
That's bad.
He's a, he's a human.
He's, but he's like a human that can like
he has like wolf-like powers,
like the kid from Abandon, Abducted.