So you're wondering how to get your parents to be less overprotective?
I've got four surefire tips for you today to make that happen
just a few miles from my home is a mountain that I like to climb.
In the summer you go up there and it's just awesome the views that you get and it
just feels good to get the body moving I don't know if you've done much hiking before.
When you hike as you climb up a mountain if you can picture a mountain.
And down here at the bottom of the mountain when you're just starting out
you're in the trees and you can't see very much yet well as you get up above
the trees as you climb up that mountain side and you get up to a little higher point.
What happens to your view? That opens up doesn't it? You start to be able
to see so much as you hike up that mountain. What happens is you hike a
little higher on that mountain. You see, even more it opens up even more
and when you get to the top of that mountain you can see everything on this
side and everything on this side and it's so awesome!
When I was up there hiking with one of my sons,
he was only 11 at the time and it was his first time
up the mountain and we we were down there in the trees like I was saying it
we got up above the trees and we took a little break right here on the mountain
and as we looked down over that view I asked my son, do you think the view could
get any better than this? He's like no dad I don't think so this is awesome!
Well what did I know since I've been up on the mountain higher? I know that the
view continues to expand as you climb up to the side of that mountain.
This has something to do with your parents.
Parents love you.
Now, I know that there may be some exceptions that you're probably not one of those
your parents love you. Keep that in mind for a minute because that's going to be
important later on. Parents are hiking this mountain, okay? And they get up to
this point on the mountain and then they have kids. Now, the kids start hiking the
mountain you know the mountain of life if we think of it that way and so as the
kids start coming up the mountain the parents are already up here higher on
the mountain does that make sense? And so here's mom and dad and they're up
there looking down and they're thinking, Oh no! She's gonna go off of a cliff!
And so they start freaking out and they start jumping around and hollering down
at you. Hey! No don't go there and they're getting all upset about what you're
doing down there because they're afraid you're gonna go off of a cliff or
something. Meanwhile, you're down here and you're thinking, What!? I'm hiking, I'm
doing just fine quit bothering me I can see. No don't go there!
Parents do this because they're worried, they love you, they want you to be happy.
They're afraid if you run off of a cliff, you won't be happy. So they're trying to
stop that but they don't control it. You do, you're the one that's moving your feet.
I wanted to share the mountain analogy with you so that you'll
understand why parents get overprotective.
They're worried and they don't experience very much control over you
and your choices. Now, meanwhile you're thinking try to hike here I'm doing fine
quit bothering me and you feel like they're trying to control your choices
they feel like they can't control your choices and that's why we get this
struggle going on, so here's your four tips trust me the first one is the most
important demonstrate maturity if you're not sure what I mean by maturity I've
got some other videos here that will help you
understand it or if your parents are connected to the parenting power up I've
described three stages of moral development in there that helps parents
understand how controlling they need to be. All you need to know is, if you're
mature and responsible parents are gonna back off and chillax a little bit.
Now, it's not just about how mature you are it's about how mature they think you are
and they're gonna be looking for things like defiance or profanity or substance
abuse or neglecting your schoolwork or hanging out with friends that are doing
all those things. If they see you doing any of those things they're gonna think
that you're less mature and they're gonna try to become more controlling.
So, you've got to hit a level where you're actually mature enough then you can
convey that maturity to your parents that you're making good life choices.
That you're tracking the dangers that are out there so they don't have to
freak you out and try to do it for you that's probably the most important thing
that I could share with you that's why it's tip number one you demonstrate
maturity in your choices in the way you spend your time get them to see that
you're on it. Tip number two, use your communication skills and actually talk to them!
They're human beings they speak your language talk to them.
Parents are constantly guessing what's going on in your mind and they're not very good mind
reader's. You might be totally fine you might be totally mature you might be
okay with the choices you're making but they don't know that and so they've got
this imagination that's usually worse than reality. Talk to them open up I've
worked with so many parents who tell me this all the time. They're like, oh my kid
would just talk to me that I'd be fine. Try it, open up, talk to them communicate.
Tip number three no this has to do with communication as well but in addition to
talking, do some listening, will ya? You've got two ears and one mouth let's use them
in at proportion. Pay attention to what your
parents are saying. It goes a long way for them when you show that you're
trying to understand them. You notice understanding and agreeing aren't the
same thing and I'm not even saying you have to obey him.
I'm saying listen and reflect back to them what you understand.
Try a phrase like this, okay mom so you're saying and then give it back to her not in a
flippant sarcastic way. No, I mean genuine okay mom so you're saying that you're
really concerned about me going to that party. And then, don't argue with it just
show her that you understood what she was saying that's powerful.
Tip number four and we'll finish off with this one for now, express appreciation.
Honestly just drop the attitude and realize where some of
that most of that good stuff in your life comes from. Show appreciation for
that and notice that you've got a place to live for example, okay well , that's
pretty cool and you're probably not paying for it. Notice that and express
some appreciation for that. Is there food in your refrigerator?
Wow! That's magical. Not, parents provide that stuff so express the appreciation
that goes a long way to getting them to cool off too.
I want to know if this is working for you.
Would you put some comments down below share what's working
and you can also ask questions down there if you want to. If your parents
aren't connected yet to the parenting powerup you might want to give them a
heads up to that because I think that's gonna help me to help your parents
there's a link right over there or down in the description.
parentingpowerup.com