• From dealing with a date’s bratty brother to dealing with an angry shotgun-wielding
father, the Planet Dolan crew re-enact some of the best true stories from our subreddit
about horrifying first date experiences we’ve ever had.
I’m Danger Dolan – or – Doopie and today I’ll be your narrator.
Number 10 was submitted by t94xr Emojie Emojie was 16 when he met a girl who was cute,
giggly and fun.
So he asked her out.
Emojie had no money, so he cooked bacon and eggs for dinner - but that wasn’t the worst
of it - her mom stayed for the date!
And Emojie was like, “ummm, what?
Why is your mother on our date?”.
He was a bit confused, so her mother explained.
Turned out she was actually Russian, adopted as a baby to her parents and that she was
really 9 and his "date".
Well she has some growth condition in which she has the body of a 15-16 year old.
The parents were completely understanding - knowing that Emojie saw a 16 year old girl,
which technically she is – she has the body of one.
Her parents were quite understanding that he wasn't actually wanting to date an actual
9 year old girl.
Emojie and the girl remained friends for a while but after some time lost touch.
Number 9 was submitted by TheeHickey Pringle Pringle’s horrifying first date was when
him and his girlfriend went out for a bike ride in a nearby forest.
He fell a few times, she fell once or twice.
When they made it almost to the other side she started hyperventilating or something,
and Pringle didn't know what to do, so he said they should go back.
She wouldn't reply to his question until she caught her breath, when she said yeah.
When Pringle got back on his bike he twisted a nut.
She saw all of the color drain from his face and asked if he was all right.
He gasped quietly that he wasn’t... then an awkward moment of silence passed.
He said they should just walk.
When they got back to her house, which was only seven houses down from his, Pringle realized
how muddy he was and went to go change.
In the end he didn't get to be romantic with her.
He twisted a nut and had to throw out a pair of his favorite jeans.
Number 8 was submitted by Info_Chan Gooby One time Gooby went on a date, except the
guy brought his friends and his little brother along.
They went to an indoor laser tag place and played for a while, and then the guy's little
brother was swapped for one of her teammates.
Now this kid was at least six, but he was the MOST volatile and disrespectful kid she
had ever met in her life!
He wouldn't listen to a single order she gave him!
After a while, Gooby ended up slapping the kid straight across the face.
Then, once they got done doing that they ate pizza at the same place.
The kid intentionally put his chair next to hers.
He had ZERO manners.
This kid shouted, reached across the table, burped in her ear, and leaned so when he farted
it was towards her.
Gooby knew she should have beat the shit out of that kid.
Number 7 was submitted by Candleshy Shima Last year, Shima and her boyfriend met through
a mutual friend at a paintball course.
Their meeting was bad enough, as she tripped on the field and accidentally shot him in
the face because she’s obviously graceful.
The first date was just... awful.
They didn't go on their first official date until a month later, while them and their
teammates (or paintball buddies) were piled up at the beach for a weekend.
Shima and her boyfriend went to this nice restaurant where their waiter dumped a full
glass of wine on her right from the go and didn't even apologize.
The rest of the night at the restaurant was uneventful, thankfully.
They walked out by the bay for a while, took a carriage ride, and went back to the hotel
in high spirits.
2 am rolls around, and Shima is hugging the porcelain throne like it's the only thing
she’s ever loved.
She got freakin' food poisoning, and her boyfriend sat in the bathroom with her, holding her
hair back while she puked and had mucus running down her face.
Worst date and beach trip, ever.
Number 6 was submitted by Jessisymins Ladybot Ladybot met this guy who was older...
like way older.
Which is fine, because she likes older men.
They went on a date to a nice restaurant, and were laughing and having fun until she
looked at the door and saw a lady run in.
Ladybot was confused but also excited, thinking that she’s gonna see this guy or some girl
get busted cheating, but she runs up to their table and yells at Ladybot’s date.
Come to find out that was his wife, and she was screaming and yelling.
He got me out of there because she was getting violent!
They got in his car and he explained that him and his wife were still married but were
getting divorced, which Ladybot understood and they’ve been together ever since.
Now she has a great stepson!
Number 5 was submitted by UNDERTALE-Sans Pandora Well, Pandora had invited her boyfriend over
to meet her parents and have dinner with them.
His parents had an emergency and had to leave him behind.
He didn’t say a word throughout dinner.
When they finished, Pandora told him, "Babe, why haven’t you talked to my parents?
It’s embarrassing."
Then he looked up at Pandora and said, "Well, today I went to buy condoms and I was really
excited.
I told the cashier to wish me luck tonight....
The cashier was your brother..."
That night, Pandora’s mom made him sleep on the couch.
Number 4 was submitted by MonCreveCouer Dolan’s brother
Dolan’s brother has a dating horror story that began innocently enough with an agreement
to meet for dinner.
She seemed quite normal when they e-mailed each other, and gave no indication of the
madness to come.
The date began normally with a meet and greet which commenced dinner…
however things went downhill from there!
Within 2 minutes of meeting, she picked up the steak knife as they were eating at a steakhouse
and told him that she heard voices.
Then, she took the steak knife and stabbed it into the wooden table repeatedly and twisted
it.
Dolan’s brother began to have the sense the date was already over.
She had this strange little smile on her face as she twisted the knife into the table, and
he told her that he forgot something in his car!
She looked at him puzzled, saying, "You are coming back, right?"
He smiled and reassured her, "Of course I'm coming back" and got the hell out of there
like a bat out of hell!
Would you have stayed for Miss Basic Instinct?
Number 3 was submitted by SatellarKnightAltiar Tolop
The worst first date experience Tolop ever had was when he was 13.
He dressed up really nice and even took her to Outback Steakhouse for dinner.
The bad part was when she came with him, she was dressed in drag, and even bathed in perfume
after he told her he was allergic to that kind of thing, and yet she used so much that
Tolop went into an asthma attack in the middle of the parking lot.
People took photos and video of it, including her, and then he went to the hospital for
3 days.
Tolop also fractured a rib and tore 4 muscles that day.
Now he has to wear a gas mask in public so he doesn’t choke to death on perfumes.
Thanks a lot humanity.
Number 2 was submitted by Xjordan_rene Slapped Ham
Slapped Ham invited his girlfriend over for a bit to watch some Netflix.
She had agreed to come over for a bit but seemed a little uncomfortable about something.
So when she showed up, they sat down with some popcorn and watched some movies.
When he asked her what was wrong, she refused to tell him.
Then there was a loud ass knock on the door.
Slapped Ham got a little worried that it was a robber so he didn't answer.
There was a loud gunshot, and the door handle had a gunshot-sized hole in it.
Then things got worse when her dad walked in, holding a shotgun.
Slapped Ham called the police, and when they came her dad was arrested and taken into custody.
Then she broke up with him for getting her dad arrested.
Damn overprotective parents!
Number 1 – What is a horrifying first date experience that I’ve ever had?
My first date was absolutely horrible It wasn’t bad it was just really embarrassing.
I was about 13 at the time and my boyfriend was 14 or 15.
We were in a long distance relationship and he had come down over the summer to see me
for the firrt time.
And when he came, I froze completely.
And it only got worse because he also froze.
And We couldn’t even talk to each other it was so embarrassing and so awkward.
At the time the Nintendo DS was really popular And we both had one and we used the chat on
there to communicate with each other which is really awkward, we ended up going to the
mall and a movie And the entire time we didn’t speak a word
to each other.
And I remember I actually got sick watching the movie because it had a rollercoaster scene
in it and it was a first person view and I got motion sickness.
And, so it was great…yeah umm…
Eventually we did warm up to each other and talk to each other but the beginning was so,
so embarrassing.
Huge thanks for the folks over on our Planet Dolan subreddit for submitting their stories.
We have another question for you: “What was the worst way a lover ever proposed to
you?”
Let us know in the reddit page linked below and you might be featured in a future countdown.