Kendra LeGrand: Hey everyone, and welcome to our next Online Bible
Study called Flooded by Nicki Koziarz. Nicki, I am amped about this study,
and I'll tell you why in a little bit. But you are a friend of Online Bible
Studies and we've seen you before. Nicki Koziarz: Thanks for
still being my friend. KL: Oh my gosh, of course,
yes. You used to be on staff with Proverbs. NK: I miss you guys so much. So,
this is like a sweet treat for me. KL: Oh my gosh, when you walked into
the building today, it just really made my heart so happy. So, I'm very happy to be with you for
the next five weeks – NK: Yes
KL: – to learn from you. NK: You are gonna be sick of me by
the time we're done. Okay, well, KL: Hopefully not.
NK: Right. KL: So, we are excited to walk
this five-week journey with you. And Nicki, let's chat a little bit about your book. Because we have
done two other books by you. NK: Yes.
KL: Five Habits of a Woman Who Doesn't Quit. That was your first one. And then we did Why Her?.
NK: Yeah. KL: And now Flooded.
NK: Yes. KL: And so,
let's chat a little bit about it. Why did you write a book about Noah and titled “Flooded”?
NK: Yes. Well, if you participated in “Why Her?” you know that I walked through a really hard season
of losing my mom to a brain tumor. She was given six months to live, and I really thought that
that was one of the hardest things that I would ever walk through in life. And so,
I realized that doubt was becoming something that was becoming a hindrance to me. And so,
kind of my rhythm as a Bible study teacher is, I take everyone through,
unfortunately, what I'm struggling with. KL: Well, that's good, because anyway we
can connect . . . you know, you are writing from that place.
NK: Other people have the same struggles, too, it seems to work. And so, I write from a very
raw place. Now, here's the really hard part about this book. So, I thought I had walked
through all the hard things, and learned all the lessons, but I will tell you this. So,
I think we finalized the contract in October of last year. And so, I just started writing
the book. When just a couple weeks later, my brother sadly, committed suicide - he
overdosed on Tylenol PM - and walked through a really hard situation with that. Then got home,
our horse died, we had several other things, and then boom, a pandemic hit the world.
KL: There was a lot that built off each other. NK: A lot. So, you guys, I wrote this book from
the rawest of raw places. Sometimes I go back and I'm like, “Oh, should I have said that?�
But I know that God had such a time, such a time as this. (Esther 4:14) Yeah, this message,
really. But Noah is somebody who taught me what it's really like to receive an assignment
of faith - that's what I call it- to believe God for something, whether it's something He's
given us to believe, something in His Word, or something really hard that we get to walk through,
unfortunately. And so, Noah taught me some things about making decisions. And through this book,
we talk about The Five Best Decisions to Make When Life is Hard and Doubt is Rising.
KL: And I think you have said in your book, or maybe on the back of your book,
this message almost drowned you. NK: It did.
KL: And you talk about it – NK: It still is almost drowning me. [Laughing]
KL: Well, it depends on the day, you know. But you talk about that. And so, I think that just goes to
show you wrote from a really raw place. NK: Very raw. Yeah.
KL: And I got to walk through this study or read this book, along with who you'll see on the blog,
our study leaders, and they said, Nicki, that they felt like you were right at a coffee shop with
them. Like they felt like you were so relatable. You asked the hard questions and said the things
that we're all thinking that sometimes are too scared to ask. And so, when you said, “should
I have wrote that?” I think you should have because a lot of us think the same thing. So, we're very
grateful for this book. We are grateful for you guys to walk through it over the next few weeks.
But in these videos that come out, every Monday, we do have a special treat
for you. There's something that we created - they are called “doubt diaries.” And the reason why we
did this was because it's fun to see Nicki and I every week on a video, but we wanted to show some
people that are very close to the ministry, people that we know personally, that struggle with doubt.
And there are women who, maybe they have kids, maybe they're raising kids, or maybe they're
single struggling with singleness. They are from an array of different ages, stages, and phases.
And so, we wanted to share a little bit about their stories. And then Nicki is going to answer
a question based on something that they say in the videos. And so, before we hear from them each
week, I thought I should share something personal for the “doubt diary” before I asked anybody else.
And so, I would love to share my “doubt diary” with y'all right now.
Okay, so, a few years ago, I struggled with anxiety and fear that I was going to choose
the wrong man to marry. The bigger issue: feeling like if I made a wrong decision, I'll miss out on
God's best for me. I had so much doubt in my mind that I was paralyzed by fear to make a choice.
So instead, I didn't move, and nothing changed except the fear of “what if” in my mind. Now,
spoiler alert, I made a decision and the decision led to the man who I believe God had chosen for
me. And so, what I would love to hear from you, Nicki, is what would you say to the woman who may
feel similar to me who struggles with making a decision and believes that one decision
could lead to a life outside of God's best. So, there's my “doubt diary” for you, Nicki.
NK: Kendra, I really love this because you're super fun and happy and positive person. In fact,
we texted just a couple of weeks ago, and I shared something with you. I said,
“You told me how much you struggled with doubt.” And I said, “I really have a hard time believing that.”
KL: Yeah NK: Because you're so confident.
And so, I'm grateful that you went first today to kind of set the tone for
the conversations that we're going to be having in small groups and on the blog, on social media,
because vulnerability is one of the things that we have to have as we walk through this. So,
I love that you wrestled with God through this. KL: Oh, wrestling is a very kind word to say.
Struggled. Yeah. NK: Yeah.
KL: Yes, clenched. All the things. NK: But here's what I know about you. Even though
you and I didn't see each other very much this last year, I know that you are a woman who made
decision number one that we're going to be working through this week, and that is: To walk with God.
KL: Yeah. NK: And when we open up the scriptures,
and we see Noah, and you're going to learn more about this this week; we see that Noah was a man
who was righteous in his generation. And he was a man who found favor with God. And it became that
way in his life, because he was a man who walked with God. Now, this was not an “out for a stroll,
like, today's a beautiful day, right? KL: Like, yeah, sun is shining.
NK: Yeah, gorgeous day. No, this is like, the really hard places in our lives where
we really have to put our feet into the ground and take those steps. So, I know, because I know
you personally, that you are a woman who stayed in community. That was one of the most important
decisions that you made. KL: Yes, yeah.
NK: You were also a woman who decided that walking with God looked like reaching out to others.
KL: Yes. NK: You needed counsel in your life, you
needed wisdom from people who have walked through this before you. And that is a really hard thing,
when we're walking through the hard thing to remember that “Oh, yeah, there's people that I
can come alongside who can help me through this”. KL: And Nicki, I didn't even want to admit that I
was struggling with this area of my life. Because I had struggled with singleness for so long,
that I didn't want to get to the point where I was about to make what I wanted for so long, which was
to be married, and see that I was struggling in it. So, I wanted to keep it to myself. But the
moment that I asked for some counsel, it opened my mind up to just some peace of mind. And I was
able to wrestle with it a little bit better. NK: Yeah. Because honesty is where it starts
with God – KL: Right.
NK: – and we can't hide from God, we can't hide our struggles from Him. He sees it all.
But unless we're willing to be honest about where we're at, in our process, we can't really expect
God to take us from here to there. KL: Right.
NK: Like, sometimes I hear people say, “I'm just so frustrated with God. He's just not answering my
prayers. He's just not doing what I'm asking him to do”. But my questions always lead back to “Well,
how are you really getting in this with God� to be able to get to the other decisions
that we'll talk about later on. But so, this first decision to walk with God?
Here's what it's going to look like for all of you doing this this week? It's going to mean
doing the work. KL: Yeah.
NK: We're just starting to uncover the struggle of doubt in our lives.
For most of us, it's been there our entire lives. And there's been something that has
just piled on top of something else that has led us to this place where, “what are we?” We
feel like we've been flooded with what I call unbelief. And unbelief is a really hard thing to
get through. But we don't have to get to that point. So, right now we're in a stage of doubt,
but we don't have to cross over to unbelief where we've completely turned from God. So, this week,
as you study your memory verses this week; as you read the chapters; as you dig into the scriptures
in a deeper way; as you watch the teaching videos; as you engage in prayer with other people; you are
taking steps to walk with God. Now we know, kind of, sort of, almost, the ending of your struggle.
KL: [Laughing] Yeah. NK: And we know that because you continue
to walk in faith with God that you were able to get to the point where we see a sparkling –
KL: Yeah. NK: – ring on your fingertip today.
KL: Yes. Yeah. NK: And there is a promise that God gave
you that is going to be fulfilled. You know, we're filming this a little bit early, but it's going to
be fulfilled in your life, and I can't wait to see the legacy that's going to come from your
marriage and from your life now. Not every time does it wrap up with a beautiful, shiny ring –
KL: Right. NK: – on our finger.
KL: Right. That's so true. NK: Sometimes doubt leaves us with more questions
than answers. And you're going to hear this week from my own struggles, you know, with my brother
and with my mom, and just some other things that I wasn't able to make sense of it. But I have been
able to see God's faithfulness in it. And that really is where my strength comes from today.
KL: And I love that you're the one that's leading us through this; through your words of Flooded,
because something that we love here at Proverbs 31 Ministries is really getting into God's Word,
because that's where the answers are going to come and that's where the wrestling is going
to make the most impact. And so, something that you'll hear us say at the end of every video,
or maybe you'll see it on the blog is “When you know the truth and live the truth,
it changes everything.” And Nicki, I think you're giving us a wonderful foundation to live that
out and see what comes of it. So, I'm excited for Week One. Like Nicki said, Week One, we're
going to talk about the decision to walk with God. And I think it's going to lay the foundation
to what's to come. So, Nicki, thank you. NK: Absolutely.