(00:10): [inaudible]
(00:11): I'm still in the process of healing from losing
a romantic partner.
Why does it take so long to heal from such an intense connection?
Why do memories and thoughts related to this person come up out of nowhere and after such
a long time?
So a couple of things come up when I read this question and I want to address these
two different things.
They're both related to, to this question to answering this question.
Okay.
And one of them is the idea that we have, um, very much in Western culture, that something
is only healed.
So I'm only healed from a pastor romantic partnership when I don't feel love for them
anymore.
So there's this, there's this really detrimental idea that healing from a breakup has to do
when I stop feeling love as if love could be this kind of like a faucet that I turn
on and off whenever I feel like it.
(01:08): And that's really detrimental to all of us,
because what ends up happening is that if you feel genuine love for someone, even if
you break up with that person, you may continue to love them.
And the idea that there's something wrong with that is very, very painful for us.
So I want to clean up the energy around that too.
Okay.
And that is that if you break up with someone or a relationship dissolves or whatever life
happens and things don't work out, if that happens, that doesn't mean that you can force
yourself to stop loving that person or that you can force your heart to turn off the love,
uh, energy.
Okay.
It may happen.
It may not.
So you may end a relationship because you naturally don't feel love anymore for the
person or the love that you feel for them changes in nature.
(01:56): And so that's why the relationship, and so
it can happen that way.
But for the purposes of the person that submitted this question, I have a feeling that the relationship
disintegrated, not by his or her, uh, own, um, uh, will.
So if someone else terminates the relationship and maybe use, you're still feeling love for
them, it doesn't mean that when that relationship is terminated, that suddenly you can just
turn off the, the love feeling.
And, and that's what healing means.
Okay.
So I want to address this one because this is, this is present in our culture and it's
very detrimental.
The idea that we can only, uh, for example, we can only, uh, enter into partnership.
If we have just forgotten.
All of our past loves are all of our past relationships or all of our past baggage.
And that's the only time that you can enter into a relationship.
(02:45): And if you enter into a relationship and you
still love one of your exes, there's something wrong.
You see, these are all, um, these are all beliefs that we have in our society.
That in my opinion are very, very detrimental.
Okay.
So if I look back, I love all of my exes and especially significant relationships that
I've had in my life.
Um, the significant relationships that I have in my life, when I look back on those, on
those partnerships, I still love those souls.
I still love those people.
I still love them.
And I probably always will.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
There's a certain freedom in saying, you know, this didn't work out, but I still love them.
And I wish them so much joy.
And I wish them so much happiness and I pray for them.
And when you do that, when you have this kind of energy, it really just feels freeing.
(03:36): It feels freeing because this energy is natural
to human beings.
It's natural for us to be in a constant state of love, whether a relationship works out
or it doesn't.
Okay.
So that's one thing that I want to address.
And that is that the person that submitted this question may be under the impression
that he or she can only be healed from a breakup.
If they stop feeling love for that person, if the love disappears, the love may disappear,
or it may not.
Okay.
And that doesn't mean that you're not healed.
All right.
That's what, that's one thing.
Another thing that's really important to address when it has to do with breakup is that a lot
of times we stay in a state of deep pain after breakup for longer than necessary.
So it's perfectly normal that after a relationship ends, that you're in a state of pain and grief
and loss, all of these things are, are, are very normal.
(04:29): It's because it feels a lot of times it can
feel like a death.
So it, it, uh, the loss of a relationship or the breakup of a relationship can very
much feel like someone has died.
You go through those same phases of grief and loss as if the person had died, because
it is a death.
It's a death in your life, even though it's a metaphorical death, it's a death in your
life.
And so you can go through the same processes of grief and loss and pain and all of that.
But then what happens is a lot of times we get a little bit stuck in a breakup cycle.
We get stuck in that pain because a lot of times what is present is attachment.
Okay.
There's a lot of attachment.
There are stories going on in our minds that, you know, that person was the one.
(05:17): And I lost them.
The one I'm saying this in air quotes, because this is another really, really problematic,
uh, belief that we have in our society.
That there's only one person out there for you.
And if it's not that person that I have at my life is going to be destroyed.
This is a really detrimental belief, right?
For a lot of people, there are multiple partners that are going to come into your life throughout
your life, and that's perfectly normal.
And there's nothing wrong with you.
If that happens for a lot of people there, isn't the one, there are multiple ones.
Okay.
And that's okay too.
But when it comes to attachment, that is really important to work through.
Okay.
And, and that will of bring you out of any kind of cycles, painful cycles of breakup,
right?
So what do I mean by attachment?
(06:04): What I mean by attachment is that sometimes
when a, when a connection that we really, really love and that we really cherish when
that connection faults apart, a lot of times what we do is we don't know how to let go.
So I'm using this term because this is really important.
And this is, this is something that I really had to do.
Um, especially in my last relationship.
So when my last relationship fell apart, it took me a while to let the person go, okay.
It took me a while.
So the relationship ended, everything fell apart.
I had to work through so many emotions like grief and loss.
It really felt like a death because it was a very deep soul connection.
And so when I lost that relationship, it took me a really long time to process through it.
But then eventually I noticed that I was stuck.
(06:54): I was stuck because I wasn't letting that
person go.
I was stuck in stories.
I was stuck in things I should've said and things I should have done.
And if things could have been different, I was stuck in the should'ves could'ves.
And as I was doing that, I wasn't giving energy.
I wasn't releasing energy.
I wasn't letting go.
I wasn't opening my grip and releasing the connection to the universe.
And so I feel that, um, that that is a problem too, for so many people.
And I can feel that energy in this question also.
So when connections, when deep soul connections, especially if it's a deep soul connection,
when they disintegrate, there's a really important phase.
After the grieving phase, there's a really important phase of letting go and letting
go means that I just opened my grip and I released the connection to the universe.
(07:44): Now, whether that connection, you know, one
year down the line, 10 years down the line, 20 years down the line comes back to me, or
whether that connection never comes back to me in this lifetime.
It's, it's, I'm not controlling that process.
I genuinely open my hands and I release in and I let go.
I had to do this process, the moment that I truly and genuinely let go of the connection
is when I really came out of the grief and loss cycle.
Okay.
And it took me about three years to do that.
Okay.
So this is just to give you a practical example.
Not that this three years is the normal timeframe.
Everybody's different, but for me, because it was a really deep soul connection, it took
me about three years to get to the fully, let go, um, uh, let go phase.
Okay.
(08:29): But when you do get to that, let go phase.
And it's really, really just, uh, it's so hard for me to explain what let go means.
But to me, the words that are coming is you just let go of your grip.
You just let it go.
You trust the universe, you give it to God, you trust the universe and you say, you know,
just, I released this connection in love.
If it comes back to me down the road, that's great.
If it doesn't come back to me, that's great too.
If it comes back to me 10 years down the road, and I don't want it anymore, that's good too.
Cause all of these things can happen, but for right now, I let it go so that I can allow
new energy to enter my life.
And who knows, if I let go something better can be returned to me also.
(09:11): I don't know that, but I've got to let go
because when I let go of the grip on the energy, I open up energy.
And that, that gives an openness for the universe to bring me sometimes much more than I even
desired.
Sometimes a relationship that's even better than the one that I lost.
Okay.
But this, this letting go, isn't easy to explain because it's very energetic.
It's very spiritual.
It's very deep within you.
Um, so the only words that are coming is just to release it, to let it go, to open your
grip, to give it to God and really just give it to God, to, to release.
Also to me means wishing that that person, um, receive love and be loved just, just really,
really genuinely wanting that person to be happy with.
Or without me, this is released this as letting go.
(10:03): You see?
And when you do that, when you genuinely say to yourself, this relationship is over, I
release it.
I moving forward and I really, really, I love that person.
Maybe I always will love that person, but I release them now to God.
And I wish them so much joy and so much love and so much happiness in this journey.
Um, that really G can you feel how that loosens up the energy?
A lot of times when I'm working with people who have broken up from, um, from a very deep
soul connections, just, just by me saying, let that person go.
As soon as I say that it causes fear.
So if I, if by me saying, let go, if that's triggering any kind of fear in you, there's
your work, there's your work.
Okay.
Letting go of someone doesn't need to cause you any fear.
(10:52): If it causes you fear.
It's because you're, you're, you're attached to, you're holding on for dear life to something
that maybe is, is not serving you anymore.
Okay.
So letting go, it doesn't mean that you're pushing the person away.
It just means you're letting go of any grip that you have or any control that you have.
And when you let go, maybe if it's in your highest interest, that person will return.
Uh, maybe if it's not in your highest interest, that person won't return.
Maybe you won't even want them to return when you, when you let go, because maybe you meet
an even deeper soul connection after that, when you open up the energy, regardless of
what happens, this is a really important step in the healing process.
The faster you can let go genuinely open your heart, wish them love and let them go.
(11:37): The faster you can do this.
The more you'll notice that you'll come out of this kind of pain cycle.
And you'll start to look back on the connection only with love only with unconditional love
with no there's no, uh, there's no sadness.
There's no bitterness, no resentment.
There's nothing.
There's, there's nothing but love is left.
And that's a beautiful, beautiful place to be.
And that's a place that then will open your energy so that you can welcome other soul
connections.
Or maybe that person comes back to you or maybe other soul connections, enter your life.
Beautiful, beautiful soul connections.
You're on a planet that has 7 billion people on it.
So the likelihood that there is someone out there that is just perfect for you, and that
is in your highest, good is pretty high, right?
With 7 billion people on the planet.
So trust that trust that there is someone out there that is in your highest interest
that is going to give to you what you deserve to receive and just release any past relationships,
release them, let them go.
(12:38): So you open yourself up to new connections
or to that connection coming back in a different form at the right time, if that's, if that's
to be destined.
Okay.
So I hope this helps.
I know that relationship breakups can be very, very difficult, especially when you're dealing
with deep soul connections, like a soulmate or a twin flame.
But at the end of the day, the work is always the same, really.
And it's, it's, it's coming to a place where you release, where you let go, where you,
where you send them off on their path with so much love, unconditional love, where you
wish them the highest possible joy and happiness in their life.
And that just opens up your energy to receive, uh, other connections or a connection that's
more suited for you or that connection, but it comes back in a higher state of love than
it was before.
(13:38): [inaudible].